S/O what do you consider “haves”

[Anonymous]

What would you consider a kid who “haves”?

I come from humble beginnings but we earn a high income now. I try very hard not to spoil our children. I don’t want them to think they are a “have”. They want for nothing though.

[Anonymous]

They should want for things. If they don't, what do they have to strive for?

[Anonymous]

don't worry about haves and have nots. try to teach them the right values

[Anonymous]

Don’t go away on vacation for every school break even if you can afford and you personally (the parents) deserve the Caribbean over spring break, Aspen on winter break, and summering in Europe. It sets up certain expectations. Nothing wrong with having some years with boring breaks at home or taking a few driving trips where you stay at a Hampton Inn instead of a luxury 5 Star.

[Anonymous]

I’m in the same position.

All my kid’s needs are met. Some of his wants are. Not all. It is a critical life skill to learn to delay gratification.

[Anonymous]

My kid thinks she has everything she needs. She is 6 and we have friends all income brackets and see a lot less fortunate than us through our Church outreach. She does not go without but appreciates what she has. She wears clothes from the thrift store but looks better dressed than most of the kids at her school.
We make $120,000 so poor by DCUM standards but our kid is happy, we are happy, we go on vacations and she gets to do the classes she wants to do. I drive an 11 year old car, It is all about prioritizing what is important to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

My children have more than I did, and I had a lot. They have a loving stable two parent home, they live in a beautiful house in a safe neighborhood, they get piano lessons and tennis lessons, and we are saving money for college and grad school. If they can’t make the lives they want and need with those resources, that’s on them. Even if I had more money there’s not much more that I would give them, lest they turn into the spoiled, cynical, money grubbing poster on this board that was flailing to shame teachers because they had Ivy League degrees. That person shouldn’t advise anyone on anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t go away on vacation for every school break even if you can afford and you personally (the parents) deserve the Caribbean over spring break, Aspen on winter break, and summering in Europe. It sets up certain expectations. Nothing wrong with having some years with boring breaks at home or taking a few driving trips where you stay at a Hampton Inn instead of a luxury 5 Star.

NP here. Hah I still find Hampton Inn luxury (though with $350k HHI Maybe we aren’t haves this is DCUM) — you should try the motels of my childhood, Econolodge etc.

[Anonymous]

My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you consider a kid who “haves”?

I come from humble beginnings but we earn a high income now. I try very hard not to spoil our children. I don’t want them to think they are a “have”. They want for nothing though.

OP, you should want your child to know they are a “have!” Otherwise they are blind to their own good luck and think the people with more are “haves” while they are normal, and the people who have less are...invisible? My kid knows without a shadow of a doubt that he is a “have.” Our HHi is about $180k and we live in a 1200sq ft house in PG county. We have everything we need and much of what we want, including iPads and computers and cars that work and retirement savings and health insurance and a really good school and on and on. That is the very definition of “have.” It helps a kid see his own fortune and not feel denied luxuries when he realizes his “normal” is most people’s “have.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t go away on vacation for every school break even if you can afford and you personally (the parents) deserve the Caribbean over spring break, Aspen on winter break, and summering in Europe. It sets up certain expectations. Nothing wrong with having some years with boring breaks at home or taking a few driving trips where you stay at a Hampton Inn instead of a luxury 5 Star.

NP here. Hah I still find Hampton Inn luxury (though with $350k HHI Maybe we aren’t haves this is DCUM) — you should try the motels of my childhood, Econolodge etc.

We all pile into one hotel room, even now that the boys are teenagers. I suppose we could afford to get two hotel rooms but we simply do not spend enough time at the hotel to justify the expense.

Another way to keep it real - pack snacks and sandwiches for the trip instead of stopping at restaurants along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Refreshingly, unapologetically, honest.

Let the flames begin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

wow that's amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Refreshingly, unapologetically, honest.

Let the flames begin.

Why would anyone flame the PP? Looks like they have worked hard to provide well and they seem sensible about it.

[Anonymous]

OP, my friend was a teacher at an elite private school full of "haves" and she also sent her kids to that school. She gave me this small example of what it was like to be at a school filled with "haves".

She said that when kids at that school forgot their mittens at school, they just had their parents buy another pair. It wasn't worth it to anyone to go and hunt down the mittens.

Her kids had their names on their mittens and if they forgot their mittens they had to go look for them and if it happened often they had to replace them out of their earned or pocket money.

This is of course just one example out of many. It is possible to be extremely well off, and still raise your children to take care of their things, even things that cost a very small proportion of your HHI or net worth.