When my DW has an AP and denies it, should I just take the kids and go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did you do to make her cheat?

OP here. Based our discussions, my DW said that I was not there emotionally for her and lacked the passion for a few years. With a heavy work load as well as the kids, she made it clear the connection was fading. My DW justifies her AP because she needed to feel wanted.

[Anonymous]

Dump her. See how much time she was for a "connection" while trying work out joint custody and meeting APs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like an exit affair, OP.

I would go talk to an attorney about separating.

This. No coming back from it. Sorry. She's in love with someone else, and she's willing to blow up your family for it. You will likely only get 50/50 custody. It's awful. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like an exit affair, OP.

I would go talk to an attorney about separating.

This. No coming back from it. Sorry. She's in love with someone else, and she's willing to blow up your family for it. You will likely only get 50/50 custody. It's awful. I'm so sorry.

Unsure the exact emotional state of your DW but the AP must of done a number on her to have her leave your children, family and move on. I hope your DW truly understands the consequences of her actions. Even if not now, your DW will be burdened of destroying her family. OP concentrate on yourself and the kids. Everything will work out but there will be some rough patches ahead. God Bless!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump her. See how much time she was for a "connection" while trying work out joint custody and meeting APs.

Agreed. The concern is the impact of the DW not trading her motherly duties for an AP. Oranges to apples. Just on what OP has stated, it seems the DW has lost all control for being a wife and mother, and placed some crazy idea that actually she is “falling in love” with the fantasy (in her own mind) about the other person. The DW is falling for the image of the other person they’ve created in their own mind. The AP is simply a made-up image—someone, they imagine, who will meet their every need. Probably DW has needed external validation and praise, and an AP is complying. When OP separates and divorces from his DW, she will have an awaking of "HOLY S**T" because her initial encounters with an AP can become intoxicated by the feeling she gets with each new encounter. However, that will ultimately pass and the AP will live her. Seen it many times and the DW really did love the non-cheating spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dump her. See how much time she was for a "connection" while trying work out joint custody and meeting APs.

Agreed. The concern is the impact of the DW not trading her motherly duties for an AP. Oranges to apples. Just on what OP has stated, it seems the DW has lost all control for being a wife and mother, and placed some crazy idea that actually she is “falling in love” with the fantasy (in her own mind) about the other person. The DW is falling for the image of the other person they’ve created in their own mind. The AP is simply a made-up image—someone, they imagine, who will meet their every need. Probably DW has needed external validation and praise, and an AP is complying. When OP separates and divorces from his DW, she will have an awaking of "HOLY S**T" because her initial encounters with an AP can become intoxicated by the feeling she gets with each new encounter. However, that will ultimately pass and the AP will live her. Seen it many times and the DW really did love the non-cheating spouse.

It seems the DW needed an extra marital affair to be “in control” over someone desiring or wanting them sexually/romantically to help her feelings of worth, importance, belonging, and emotional safety. It is a copout by the DW to avoid working through these issues and emotions in the marriage. Marriage is difficult and when a spouses works and has kids, it is crucial that couples communicate. Sorry but your DW should seek therapy because she will be destructive before and after you divorce. I will pray that things work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dump her. See how much time she was for a "connection" while trying work out joint custody and meeting APs.

Agreed. The concern is the impact of the DW not trading her motherly duties for an AP. Oranges to apples. Just on what OP has stated, it seems the DW has lost all control for being a wife and mother, and placed some crazy idea that actually she is “falling in love” with the fantasy (in her own mind) about the other person. The DW is falling for the image of the other person they’ve created in their own mind. The AP is simply a made-up image—someone, they imagine, who will meet their every need. Probably DW has needed external validation and praise, and an AP is complying. When OP separates and divorces from his DW, she will have an awaking of "HOLY S**T" because her initial encounters with an AP can become intoxicated by the feeling she gets with each new encounter. However, that will ultimately pass and the AP will live her. Seen it many times and the DW really did love the non-cheating spouse.

It seems the DW needed an extra marital affair to be “in control” over someone desiring or wanting them sexually/romantically to help her feelings of worth, importance, belonging, and emotional safety. It is a copout by the DW to avoid working through these issues and emotions in the marriage. Marriage is difficult and when a spouses works and has kids, it is crucial that couples communicate. Sorry but your DW should seek therapy because she will be destructive before and after you divorce. I will pray that things work out.

Just out of curiosity OP, did you and your DW talk about going to marital counseling? I know that the extra marital affair is probably still going but do you guys communicate. There is something off with the DW based on all the threads that I have read that make it seem that she is longing for your attention. Just an observation.

[Anonymous]

This board is hilarious with its duplicity.

Had this been a woman, the first questions would have been about hot often they had sex.

There also would have been nothing about “motherly duties”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dump her. See how much time she was for a "connection" while trying work out joint custody and meeting APs.

Agreed. The concern is the impact of the DW not trading her motherly duties for an AP. Oranges to apples. Just on what OP has stated, it seems the DW has lost all control for being a wife and mother, and placed some crazy idea that actually she is “falling in love” with the fantasy (in her own mind) about the other person. The DW is falling for the image of the other person they’ve created in their own mind. The AP is simply a made-up image—someone, they imagine, who will meet their every need. Probably DW has needed external validation and praise, and an AP is complying. When OP separates and divorces from his DW, she will have an awaking of "HOLY S**T" because her initial encounters with an AP can become intoxicated by the feeling she gets with each new encounter. However, that will ultimately pass and the AP will live her. Seen it many times and the DW really did love the non-cheating spouse.

It seems the DW needed an extra marital affair to be “in control” over someone desiring or wanting them sexually/romantically to help her feelings of worth, importance, belonging, and emotional safety. It is a copout by the DW to avoid working through these issues and emotions in the marriage. Marriage is difficult and when a spouses works and has kids, it is crucial that couples communicate. Sorry but your DW should seek therapy because she will be destructive before and after you divorce. I will pray that things work out.

Just out of curiosity OP, did you and your DW talk about going to marital counseling? I know that the extra marital affair is probably still going but do you guys communicate. There is something off with the DW based on all the threads that I have read that make it seem that she is longing for your attention. Just an observation.

Same exact thing happened to me as OP. exDW went back to work after taking some time off for children, I was starting a new job and busy (always was home at 6 but got online from 9-midnight to work) and yeah, things were hectic but with new jobs and little kids, it usually is and it's temporary. ExDW saw it differently and developed a connection with an AP and went for it. Over a year of counseling/reconciling, she kept going back to AP and professing her love for him and finally I had enough and filed for divorce. She definitely had an "oh sh1t" moment but by that time it was too late. She ended up staying with AP. She cited the lack of passion while things were incredibly busy and wanted me to be someone I was not. Wash, rinse, repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This board is hilarious with its duplicity.

Had this been a woman, the first questions would have been about hot often they had sex.

There also would have been nothing about “motherly duties”.

LoL - good to see OP is a male whoe cares about his kids. His DW turns hisnlife upside up and he is looked as the bad guy.

[Anonymous]

AP will never marry her. NO AP wants that much baggage of four step kids and an angry ex. But OP your marriage is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP will never marry her. NO AP wants that much baggage of four step kids and an angry ex. But OP your marriage is over.

Honesty is want I need - I wonder who I marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP will never marry her. NO AP wants that much baggage of four step kids and an angry ex. But OP your marriage is over.

This happened to my husband's ex. She left him for the AP and its been 20 years and no marriage. It makes no sense as she really needs the health insurance and other benefits financially that he can offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP will never marry her. NO AP wants that much baggage of four step kids and an angry ex. But OP your marriage is over.

Honesty is want I need - I wonder who I marry?

Men with baggage always do better than women with baggage. OP you will likely even find someone younger. Why don't you just have an affair as well. These are your options divorce, you get an AP or continue to be the cuck. Pick one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like an exit affair, OP.

I would go talk to an attorney about separating.

This. No coming back from it. Sorry. She's in love with someone else, and she's willing to blow up your family for it. You will likely only get 50/50 custody. It's awful. I'm so sorry.

Unsure the exact emotional state of your DW but the AP must of done a number on her to have her leave your children, family and move on. I hope your DW truly understands the consequences of her actions. Even if not now, your DW will be burdened of destroying her family. OP concentrate on yourself and the kids. Everything will work out but there will be some rough patches ahead. God Bless!!

"Black Jack Davey"
(originally by Bob Dylan)

Black Davey come running on back
Whistlen' loud and merry
Made the woods round him ring
And he charmed the heart of a lady
Charmed the heart of a lady

"How old are you my pretty little miss?"
"How old are you my honey?"
She answered him with a loving smile
"I'll be sixteen come Sunday"
Said "I'll be sixteen come Sunday"

"Come and go with me, my pretty little miss
Come and go with me, my honey
I'll take you where the grass grows green
You never will want for money"
Said, "You never will want for money"

"Pull off, pull off your long, blue gloves
Made of Spanish leather
Give to me your lily-white hand
And we'll ride off together"
Said, "We'll ride off together"

Well, she pulled off her long, blue gloves
Made of Spanish leather
And gave to him her lily-white hand
And bid farewell forever
And they both rode off together

Well, late last night the boss came home
Inquiring about his lady
The servant spoke before she thought
"She been with Black Jack Davey
Rode off with Black Jack Davey"

"Come on, come on my coal-black horse
You're speedier than the gray
I'll ride all day and I'll ride all night
And I'll overtake my lady
Yeah, I'll overtake my lady"

Well, he rode all night 'til the broad daylight
'Til he came to a river ragin'
And there he spied his darlin' bride
In the arms of Black Jack Davey
Wrapped up with Black Jack Davey

Would you forsake your house and home?
Would you forsake your baby?
Would you forsake your husband, too
To go with Black Jack Davey?
Run off with Black Jack Davey?

"Yes I've forsaken my house and home
And I've forsaken my baby
And I've forsaken my husband too to go with Black Jack Davey
I'm in love with Black Jack Davey"

Last night I slept on a feather bed
Between my husband and baby
And tonight I lay on the river banks
In the arms of Black Jack Davey
I'm in love with Black Jack Davey