Is my co-worker flirting with me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my gosh, no he is not flirting with you! I feel so sorry for men in the workplace today, they really can’t even be friendly or personable without women assuming they are assholes.

Oh shut up. I'm a woman, I'd never say "I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want" to a coworker. Not even to friends who are coworkers after a project, Maybe it's not flirting, but sure isn't harmless and normal and warranting your sadness for men.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that's flirting. But he may just be a flirt - hard to tell if it's something more serious.

[Anonymous]

Man here. "It's good to hear your voice" is harmless.

"I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want," is something I would never say to a coworker. It's beyond flirting and it's inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. "It's good to hear your voice" is harmless.

"I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want," is something I would never say to a coworker. It's beyond flirting and it's inappropriate.

60YO man here and former flirt.
I agree on both counts. The first is polite conversation. The 2nd is clearly over the line.
With that said, I think it’s working on the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to say. But the bigger question: are you flirting back?

No, I'm not. He's very attractive, yet I'm not really attracted to him in a romantic or sexual way.

If you're not attracted to him, then it's sexual harassment.

Yep...this about sums up the craziness this movement has taken on. If that is the standard then we've all lost our freaking minds!

How the heck is the dude supposed to know if you are attracted to him BEFORE he gives it a go? Maybe it's nothing, but maybe he's just lobbing a few softballs to gauge your reaction, OP. It's not harassment unless you make it clear that his overtures are unwanted. Before that, it's potentially just a guy trying to see if you are into him.

DH and I had the same (ridiculous) argument the other day. I was like "so if Brad Pitt-looking college guy is at a bar and he goes in for the kiss with a girl he doesn't know, it's cool" because it typically ENDS UP WELL for him. If average-looking guy tries to "put the moves" on a girl, and she rebuffs him, that's unwanted and is instantly labeled as predatory or harassment! But he won't know until he tries! Ugly dudes beware. Better get it in writing or you're screwed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. "It's good to hear your voice" is harmless.

"I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want," is something I would never say to a coworker. It's beyond flirting and it's inappropriate.

60YO man here and former flirt.
I agree on both counts. The first is polite conversation. The 2nd is clearly over the line.
With that said, I think it’s working on the OP.

Woman here. Just want to put out a dissenting view. I would find "it's good to hear your voice" more flirty than "I owe you lunch ... and dinner ... and breakfast ... and whatever else it is you want" if I really did something worth that at work. You get into dicey territory with the breakfast and anything else you want, but again, it depends upon what incredible feat of work you performed.

But "it's good to hear your voice" sounds soooo personal to me. Maybe because it is not directly related to work (unless you thought I went down in a plane crash or something, or you hadn't heard from me in about a year. But if we talk daily or weekly? nuh uh).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. "It's good to hear your voice" is harmless.

"I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want," is something I would never say to a coworker. It's beyond flirting and it's inappropriate.

60YO man here and former flirt.
I agree on both counts. The first is polite conversation. The 2nd is clearly over the line.
With that said, I think it’s working on the OP.

I actually thought the opposite. Could totally be read as he is saying she's done a LOT on this project and he owes her lunch. Then as he's typing he thinks that sounds cheap and he adds "and dinner" and then he's laughing to himself and thinking that sounds dumb and decides why not throw in the only other remaining meal option..."and breakfast..." and sums it up by saying "and whatever else it is you want" in order to show his gratitude for her help! This doesn't have to be sexual in nature AT ALL. Could be he's thinking "I'll give you my parking space" or "I'll even fetch your coffee all week"...BUt really I think OP would know if he meant something by this based on how he normally speaks to her/interacts with her.

The other one is weird "It's good to hear your voice" is very intimate sounding and personal for a work call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. "It's good to hear your voice" is harmless.

"I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want," is something I would never say to a coworker. It's beyond flirting and it's inappropriate.

60YO man here and former flirt.
I agree on both counts. The first is polite conversation. The 2nd is clearly over the line.
With that said, I think it’s working on the OP.

Woman here. Just want to put out a dissenting view. I would find "it's good to hear your voice" more flirty than "I owe you lunch ... and dinner ... and breakfast ... and whatever else it is you want" if I really did something worth that at work. You get into dicey territory with the breakfast and anything else you want, but again, it depends upon what incredible feat of work you performed.

But "it's good to hear your voice" sounds soooo personal to me. Maybe because it is not directly related to work (unless you thought I went down in a plane crash or something, or you hadn't heard from me in about a year. But if we talk daily or weekly? nuh uh).

I’m the 60YO man from previous post. I appreciate your thoughts on this.
While I’m not saying I’m wrong, I do see where you may be right.
The bottom line here, as I see it, is that harassment is in the eye of the recipient of said comment(s).
I think your perspective is very interesting vs mine and the other male that commented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. "It's good to hear your voice" is harmless.

"I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want," is something I would never say to a coworker. It's beyond flirting and it's inappropriate.

60YO man here and former flirt.
I agree on both counts. The first is polite conversation. The 2nd is clearly over the line.
With that said, I think it’s working on the OP.

I actually thought the opposite. Could totally be read as he is saying she's done a LOT on this project and he owes her lunch. Then as he's typing he thinks that sounds cheap and he adds "and dinner" and then he's laughing to himself and thinking that sounds dumb and decides why not throw in the only other remaining meal option..."and breakfast..." and sums it up by saying "and whatever else it is you want" in order to show his gratitude for her help! This doesn't have to be sexual in nature AT ALL. Could be he's thinking "I'll give you my parking space" or "I'll even fetch your coffee all week"...BUt really I think OP would know if he meant something by this based on how he normally speaks to her/interacts with her.

The other one is weird "It's good to hear your voice" is very intimate sounding and personal for a work call.

See previous reply above.
You may be right.

[Anonymous]

14:26 again. "It's good to hear your voice" is the same thing as, "It's nice to see you."

I agree either could be made to sound creepy but if stated in a straightforward manner it's polite and harmless.

I cant' believe two women just posted it's OK for a man at work to tell them he wants "to buy you breakfast...or anything else you want..."

Really? JFC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. "It's good to hear your voice" is harmless.

"I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want," is something I would never say to a coworker. It's beyond flirting and it's inappropriate.

60YO man here and former flirt.
I agree on both counts. The first is polite conversation. The 2nd is clearly over the line.
With that said, I think it’s working on the OP.

I actually thought the opposite. Could totally be read as he is saying she's done a LOT on this project and he owes her lunch. Then as he's typing he thinks that sounds cheap and he adds "and dinner" and then he's laughing to himself and thinking that sounds dumb and decides why not throw in the only other remaining meal option..."and breakfast..." and sums it up by saying "and whatever else it is you want" in order to show his gratitude for her help! This doesn't have to be sexual in nature AT ALL. Could be he's thinking "I'll give you my parking space" or "I'll even fetch your coffee all week"...BUt really I think OP would know if he meant something by this based on how he normally speaks to her/interacts with her.

The other one is weird "It's good to hear your voice" is very intimate sounding and personal for a work call.

+1000. I've actually said the "i owe you lunch, and breakfast, etc" before and sex was the furthest thing from my mind. I mean, I don't owe anyoje sex, for any reason, so I think it's odd to conclude that sex is on the menu.

It's good to hear your voice is more personal. I would never say that to a colleague of the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. "It's good to hear your voice" is harmless.

"I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want," is something I would never say to a coworker. It's beyond flirting and it's inappropriate.

60YO man here and former flirt.
I agree on both counts. The first is polite conversation. The 2nd is clearly over the line.
With that said, I think it’s working on the OP.

Thanks for chiming in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. "It's good to hear your voice" is harmless.

"I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want," is something I would never say to a coworker. It's beyond flirting and it's inappropriate.

60YO man here and former flirt.
I agree on both counts. The first is polite conversation. The 2nd is clearly over the line.
With that said, I think it’s working on the OP.

Guy here. I agree with PPs. It’s guys way of testing the water.