Is my co-worker flirting with me?

[Anonymous]

For the second item: had you been communicating a lot by email and/or playing a lot of phone tag?

I’ve had colleagues say things like that when we’ve been going back-and-forth without a real conversation for a long time.

Actually now that I am thinking about it, I say “it’s good to talk to you” pretty frequently. Maybe I should stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A co-worker has said a few things to me in recent months that have me wondering if he's flirting. I would find it very hard to believe, but... here are a couple of examples:

1) We were working on a very demanding project, and were trading emails over the weekend (exclusively work related). I mentioned that I looked forward to a weekend soon when I didn't have to work. He said, "Yeah I agree. I think we’ll normalize soon. I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want."

2) We recently spoke on the phone after not interacting for a couple of weeks, and when we were saying our goodbyes, he said something like, "It's good to hear your voice." I wasn't sure what to say so I said, "likewise" and then he kind of giggled. I said "talk to you later" and hung up.

It's possible that someone would say those things in a friendly/platonic manner, right? He's a big networker/relationship builder, so I have always chalked up these instances to that, but the more they happen, the more I wonder.

Both are highly troubling and potentially legally actionable but especially the first. You indicate that you’re not “really” attracted to him. What answer do you want from us? We don’t work there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A co-worker has said a few things to me in recent months that have me wondering if he's flirting. I would find it very hard to believe, but... here are a couple of examples:

1) We were working on a very demanding project, and were trading emails over the weekend (exclusively work related). I mentioned that I looked forward to a weekend soon when I didn't have to work. He said, "Yeah I agree. I think we’ll normalize soon. I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want."

2) We recently spoke on the phone after not interacting for a couple of weeks, and when we were saying our goodbyes, he said something like, "It's good to hear your voice." I wasn't sure what to say so I said, "likewise" and then he kind of giggled. I said "talk to you later" and hung up.

It's possible that someone would say those things in a friendly/platonic manner, right? He's a big networker/relationship builder, so I have always chalked up these instances to that, but the more they happen, the more I wonder.

despite what you claim, you in fact love this little fantasy you're conjuring up in your head. nothing wrong with that, just own it. there's obviously something that attracts you this guy even if you say you don't want to cheat/are happily married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, that's not flirting. It's two people, working hard on a project, interacting.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the second item: had you been communicating a lot by email and/or playing a lot of phone tag?

I’ve had colleagues say things like that when we’ve been going back-and-forth without a real conversation for a long time.

Actually now that I am thinking about it, I say “it’s good to talk to you” pretty frequently. Maybe I should stop.

No, we hadn't interacted in two weeks or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A co-worker has said a few things to me in recent months that have me wondering if he's flirting. I would find it very hard to believe, but... here are a couple of examples:

1) We were working on a very demanding project, and were trading emails over the weekend (exclusively work related). I mentioned that I looked forward to a weekend soon when I didn't have to work. He said, "Yeah I agree. I think we’ll normalize soon. I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want."

2) We recently spoke on the phone after not interacting for a couple of weeks, and when we were saying our goodbyes, he said something like, "It's good to hear your voice." I wasn't sure what to say so I said, "likewise" and then he kind of giggled. I said "talk to you later" and hung up.

It's possible that someone would say those things in a friendly/platonic manner, right? He's a big networker/relationship builder, so I have always chalked up these instances to that, but the more they happen, the more I wonder.

despite what you claim, you in fact love this little fantasy you're conjuring up in your head. nothing wrong with that, just own it. there's obviously something that attracts you this guy even if you say you don't want to cheat/are happily married.

What, exactly, did I claim? I would probably be flattered if I found out he had a crush on me, however, more so than that, I just don't need or want any complications at work, so I'd rather find out that he's just being friendly and not flirting/crushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to say. But the bigger question: are you flirting back?

No, I'm not. He's very attractive, yet I'm not really attracted to him in a romantic or sexual way.

If you're not attracted to him, then it's sexual harassment.

That’s laughable. I’m not being sexually harassed.

-OP

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then what he's doing should be reported to HR.

I don't feel like I'm being harassed. If I did, I would have no problem going to our senior HR person, who is my boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, that's not flirting. It's two people, working hard on a project, interacting.

This.

No, it’s a privileged male saying things he shouldn’t be saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A co-worker has said a few things to me in recent months that have me wondering if he's flirting. I would find it very hard to believe, but... here are a couple of examples:

1) We were working on a very demanding project, and were trading emails over the weekend (exclusively work related). I mentioned that I looked forward to a weekend soon when I didn't have to work. He said, "Yeah I agree. I think we’ll normalize soon. I owe you lunch… and dinner… and breakfast… and whatever else it is you want."

2) We recently spoke on the phone after not interacting for a couple of weeks, and when we were saying our goodbyes, he said something like, "It's good to hear your voice." I wasn't sure what to say so I said, "likewise" and then he kind of giggled. I said "talk to you later" and hung up.

It's possible that someone would say those things in a friendly/platonic manner, right? He's a big networker/relationship builder, so I have always chalked up these instances to that, but the more they happen, the more I wonder.

despite what you claim, you in fact love this little fantasy you're conjuring up in your head. nothing wrong with that, just own it. there's obviously something that attracts you this guy even if you say you don't want to cheat/are happily married.

What, exactly, did I claim? I would probably be flattered if I found out he had a crush on me, however, more so than that, I just don't need or want any complications at work, so I'd rather find out that he's just being friendly and not flirting/crushing.

Why would you be flattered?

[Anonymous]

Mmmmmmmixxxxxed signals.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you may want to hook up with him. Go for it! You'll get a nice meal out of it and get some action.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends. Does he act this way with everybody or just you? I had a boyfriend who basically flirted through men and women old and young. It was just his style.

I'd take it at face value and remain professional and not worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Are you both single?

People have to express interest in some way to feel out if the other person is interested. I don't think this crosses a line at all but it could be him putting out very light feelers to get a sense of your response. I would be sure to disconnect from any of that type of banter if you aren't interested. I wouldn't call it flirting, I would just call it testing the waters to see if flirting is an option.

Just remain professional. It sounds like he is being professional as well as nothing he has said is inappropriate in a professional relationship.

[Anonymous]

Whoa down with the people saying this is legally actionable. I am a team leader of remote based teams and I’m known for being a great leader and motivator. I frequently use informal language to call people out and motivate them including telling them something like I owe them a big favor like in item number 1. For item number two the wording is a bit odd, but not legally actionable.

If you’re not comfortable with the way he’s speaking to you, say something. If your friends and pal around a bit alongside working together, then take it at face value.

[Anonymous]

Do you want him to be flirty with you?