Do Women Really Not Want to Work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- How does your wife’s job match up with her skills and interests? Is it flexible? Is she in a position of authority and respect commeserate with her skills? Did she have to start her career all over again after she went back to work while yours was merrily trucking along? What is your HHI and what percentage of her job contributes to that? Now that you are both back in the working world, did you pick up more of the household tasks?

HHI is $350K - about 2/3 of that comes from our joint salaries, the rest from investment income. We are evenly split - more or less salary wise. DW did not work for about six years while DD was in ES. She started back to work while she was in middle school. She did not have to start all over, and has easily landed a high paying position using a very unique skill set. It may not be what she planned. I still continue to pay 100 percent of the household costs, so until she agrees to pay her half, I leave the cleaning to her. I handle the yard work, mechanical stuff, etc. She has to make her own car payment, pay for her own gas and her own insurance.

I made a career switch for the family, and my career stagnated for six years as a result, but I have since almost caught up with my professional peers.

But every time there is an argument about money, she brings up my SIL who is a SAHM or my mother, who, LOL, is retired from her medical career after 47 years. All she sees is my mother (who is widowed) is "home." And every time we go to someone's house she is green with envy if it is bigger than ours or they have a fancier car. I do not care about material things. I'm happy with a smaller house and a Honda in the driveway. I do not need some sort of mcmansion and a mercedes. She wants these things, and I feel she needs to buck up to get them. I feel no need to work harder and longer to provide them for her.

[Anonymous]

Also, whatever happened to the old adage about "maybe you'll have a trust fund or maybe a wealthy spouse, but you'll never know whether either one will run out.

My mother went back to work back in the 70s after a neighbor's DH died and she had to go back to work as a cashier at the grocer's. That wasn't for my Mom. She was willing and able to provide for herself if she needed. She was lucky she had my father too. They were a good team and wonderful parents who each balanced each other well.

[Anonymous]

Most people don't want to work, a least by the time they reach 40+ and realize hoe much of their life is spent in the office. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, when it really comes down to it, how many people looooove their jobs so much they'd do it for free, kwim? I know they exist (my husband is one) but I think they are pretty rare.

Once your income gets to a certain point, other things start to become more important than extra money. I don't work but that's because my husband makes ~ 750k plus bonuses. I didn't marry him for the money but I can't deny that it's certainly nice. I don't blame other women for wanting the same lifestyle.

Funny how it doesn't bother you that your husband has to work even though you don't want to.

Why should it bother her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, whatever happened to the old adage about "maybe you'll have a trust fund or maybe a wealthy spouse, but you'll never know whether either one will run out.

My mother went back to work back in the 70s after a neighbor's DH died and she had to go back to work as a cashier at the grocer's. That wasn't for my Mom. She was willing and able to provide for herself if she needed. She was lucky she had my father too. They were a good team and wonderful parents who each balanced each other well.

Rich men less likely to leave. Poverty leads to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a stay at home mom of school aged kids. I don’t work because I don’t have to and don’t want to. There are other reasons but that’s the most powerful one. I love not having a boss or restraints on my time or annoying paper work or go workers or entitled clients to deal with etc., etc. Most jobs are kind of a drag.

Let’s face it, how many people would continue working if they won the lotto? Not many. Most people would devote their time to hobbies, leisure, socializing, travel, volunteering etc.

I disagree with this theory. Plenty of people Work who may fall under the category of “don’t have to.” do you think Reese Witherspoon really needs the money? No.

You simply may have different financial goals than others who continued working. I feel that even with a high earning spouse and relatively wealthy Parents that I’d be doing myself a disservice not working and contributing to retirement and receiving subsidized healthcare.

The sad truth is that few SAHMs get to spend a lot of time traveling, socializing and leisure. Most are taking care of kids or spending their time on household duties. They are doing unpaid labor for men while their husbands get to go to work, earn money and have indepdence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a stay at home mom of school aged kids. I don’t work because I don’t have to and don’t want to. There are other reasons but that’s the most powerful one. I love not having a boss or restraints on my time or annoying paper work or go workers or entitled clients to deal with etc., etc. Most jobs are kind of a drag.

Let’s face it, how many people would continue working if they won the lotto? Not many. Most people would devote their time to hobbies, leisure, socializing, travel, volunteering etc.

I disagree with this theory. Plenty of people Work who may fall under the category of “don’t have to.” do you think Reese Witherspoon really needs the money? No.

You simply may have different financial goals than others who continued working. I feel that even with a high earning spouse and relatively wealthy Parents that I’d be doing myself a disservice not working and contributing to retirement and receiving subsidized healthcare.

The sad truth is that few SAHMs get to spend a lot of time traveling, socializing and leisure. Most are taking care of kids or spending their time on household duties. They are doing unpaid labor for men while their husbands get to go to work, earn money and have indepdence.

Do I think most Hollywood stars have a deep need to remain in the public eye? Yes.

[Anonymous]

A lot of women don't want to work full time and still do 85% of the work at home.

I want to work ( do work, more than DH does). I also want to spend time with my kids. I dont want to cook, clean,do the clothes, stuff and grocery shopping, bills, tidying, walking the dog, fixing the toilet/window, doing taxes, filling out every single medical, camp, or school form for all kids from age 0 to 18 and outsourcing what hasn'tbeen done, which sstill entails calling, scheduling, being there and paying. Maybe the women who 'dont work' have spouses who are not going to do any of those things and they figure why should they work at work and at home. Finally, a lot of women realize at middle age that their mediocre male peers are still going to get ahead, despite all the work they do.

[Anonymous]

Some do, some don't! My DW wanted to work and did for a lot of years in a big corporate job. She eventually decided she wanted to be closer to home and worked 30 hours a week locally. It was completely her decision as I was willing to support whatever she wanted to do. I'm really glad she chose the path she did because I know it was very good for our children and she really enjoyed her job. At times she expressed some regret at not staying on the corporate path because she could have risen to the top. But those regrets were very brief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a stay at home mom of school aged kids. I don’t work because I don’t have to and don’t want to. There are other reasons but that’s the most powerful one. I love not having a boss or restraints on my time or annoying paper work or go workers or entitled clients to deal with etc., etc. Most jobs are kind of a drag.

Let’s face it, how many people would continue working if they won the lotto? Not many. Most people would devote their time to hobbies, leisure, socializing, travel, volunteering etc.

I disagree with this theory. Plenty of people Work who may fall under the category of “don’t have to.” do you think Reese Witherspoon really needs the money? No.

You simply may have different financial goals than others who continued working. I feel that even with a high earning spouse and relatively wealthy Parents that I’d be doing myself a disservice not working and contributing to retirement and receiving subsidized healthcare.

The sad truth is that few SAHMs get to spend a lot of time traveling, socializing and leisure. Most are taking care of kids or spending their time on household duties. They are doing unpaid labor for men while their husbands get to go to work, earn money and have indepdence.

Are you really comparing yourself to Reece Witherspoon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a stay at home mom of school aged kids. I don’t work because I don’t have to and don’t want to. There are other reasons but that’s the most powerful one. I love not having a boss or restraints on my time or annoying paper work or go workers or entitled clients to deal with etc., etc. Most jobs are kind of a drag.

Let’s face it, how many people would continue working if they won the lotto? Not many. Most people would devote their time to hobbies, leisure, socializing, travel, volunteering etc.

I disagree with this theory. Plenty of people Work who may fall under the category of “don’t have to.” do you think Reese Witherspoon really needs the money? No.

You simply may have different financial goals than others who continued working. I feel that even with a high earning spouse and relatively wealthy Parents that I’d be doing myself a disservice not working and contributing to retirement and receiving subsidized healthcare.

The sad truth is that few SAHMs get to spend a lot of time traveling, socializing and leisure. Most are taking care of kids or spending their time on household duties. They are doing unpaid labor for men while their husbands get to go to work, earn money and have indepdence.

Are you really comparing yourself to Reece Witherspoon?

Clearly being a SAHM has made your brain mush and you can’t read. My point was that there are plenty of women who don’t have to work who work. For example, Reese Witherspoon.

[Anonymous]

You are extremely insecure OP. You wife is not blaming you for anything, that is in your head. She doesn't resent you, you are the one with perceived slights that she makes. You are the one who thinks he should have done better career wise. Women comment, and talk, men lack the ability to listen. She is talking about it, not wanting you to earn more. You are so tiresome with your perception that she emasculates you. It makes you unlikable.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine not working. Sorry to the SAHM community, but I would feel like I was not contributing to the world and basically useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine not working. Sorry to the SAHM community, but I would feel like I was not contributing to the world and basically useless.

So, the people who care for your children while you are at work are "not contributing to the world and basically useless"? Nice. I'm sure they would be glad to hear that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine not working. Sorry to the SAHM community, but I would feel like I was not contributing to the world and basically useless.

So, the people who care for your children while you are at work are "not contributing to the world and basically useless"? Nice. I'm sure they would be glad to hear that.

Give me a break.
- not pp