Girlfriend Now Wnats Kids..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Date someone who is over 40.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He doesn't owe anyone an explanation. People like you make people like us (CFBC) very reticent about sharing our anti-children viewpoints. You're not going to like what I have to say as a child-free person so why tell you? So that I'll get bingo-ed with a "Oh, you'll change your mind?"

I agree you should tell her the reasons you do not want (or like) children. That will be helpful for her to understand you. In most cases she will not try to change your view or invalidate it, she will see how you think and what your values are. That is fair all the way around.

I know a handful of very real reasons my female friends do not want kids. OP should open up and share his, but they need to go their separate ways. This is not a shared goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He
Owes
No
One
An
Explanation

THE END.

You sound incredibly defensive, again.

I would then assume you had a miserable childhood and terrible parents - you fear you will continue the bad cycle of raising children in a dysfunctional home.
Alternatively, you could also be on the selfish side and would rather spend your time and money on yourself and friend stuff, not raising a family - even one child.

If I heard that I would agree, you should not have children or try to be a father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He doesn't owe anyone an explanation. People like you make people like us (CFBC) very reticent about sharing our anti-children viewpoints. You're not going to like what I have to say as a child-free person so why tell you? So that I'll get bingo-ed with a "Oh, you'll change your mind?"

I agree that he doesn't owe anyone an explanation. However, this is his girlfriend, not a random judgy person on the internet. If he doesn't end the relationship, she will probably take it as a signal that he may be persuaded to have children later.

I don't think you'll change your mind. One of my best friends is childfree by choice and I completely respect her and her husband's decision. However, if OP is talking about marrying this woman, he does owe her a bigger explanation than "I don't want children, sorry." It's different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He
Owes
No
One
An
Explanation

THE END.

Why so weird and defensive? You sound like you have some unresolved issues...

This is his serious girlfriend of over a year we're talking about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He doesn't owe anyone an explanation. People like you make people like us (CFBC) very reticent about sharing our anti-children viewpoints. You're not going to like what I have to say as a child-free person so why tell you? So that I'll get bingo-ed with a "Oh, you'll change your mind?"

I would break up with anyone over any issue if he was keeping secrets and not answering questions. Hard to trust people who don't or won't explain themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- you need to figure out you.
If you TRULY don't want kids now or ever, go get a vasectomy TOMORROW. Done. To not do so is very very irresponsible.

Then if you have a vasectomy, women really know from day 1 that you will not have children. Then it is their choice to stay.

Most of my friends (male and female) who didn't want children, eventually did want and have children. Why? Because they wanted a family of their own to grow old with.

You have obviously never visited a retirement community in this country.

First of all, how do you know which people you're seeing there have kids or not? Second, there are many elderly people who would (and do) choose to live in an organized community with other people in a similar stage of life rather than with an adult child, but still have very enriching extended family lives.

But more importantly: when people are talking about a family of their own to grow old with, they generally don't mean, "I want someone to sponge bathe me when I'm 85" (although this is something I've done for my own mother!)...they're talking about experiencing all the joys of having a family in your 50s, 60s, 70s. Which, make no mistake, are plentiful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, a few years ago, I was your girlfriend, except DH and I had been together nearly 10 years when my mind started to change about children. Before that, I could have been the poster child for “CFBC”. We had a wonderful life together, good careers, etc. and it all felt complete, until it didn’t. Age, hormones, therapyfor my own abusive childhood... who knows what triggered it, but thechange of Heart was real and not some “bait and switch”. DH still didn’t want children, and I had to make a choice over my known, real family I’d built over the years, or the unknown. I chose the real family. Some days it was like a knife to the chest, and I admit I cried myself to sleep on more than one occasion over what felt like a real loss.

But, I didn’t resent him, I was confident in the choice I had made.

Fast forward a few more years, and DH approaches me, wondering how I’d feel about having children. I was floaired, to say the least. But time sometimes changes you, or sometimes doesn’t.

Did you guys end up having kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He doesn't owe anyone an explanation. People like you make people like us (CFBC) very reticent about sharing our anti-children viewpoints. You're not going to like what I have to say as a child-free person so why tell you? So that I'll get bingo-ed with a "Oh, you'll change your mind?"

The majority of people don't care what you do. But, remember before you go telling people what you think about children that you were one too and CF people felt the same about you.

I don't think everyone is cut out for kids and that is ok. You shouldn't have kids if you don't want them. They are hard even when you do. Sometimes when people ask it is just conversation. You could always do a white lie and not be so insulting.

Please, I hated other kids as a kid. But you're right, I was also a kid. That doesn't mean I have to like kids. I don't understand why you find my comments insulting????

[Anonymous]

My friend wasted her 30s with a guy who told her he didn't want kids and she thought he would change his mind. He didn't. They are still together but have a terrible relationship full of resentment.

Don't stay with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- you need to figure out you.
If you TRULY don't want kids now or ever, go get a vasectomy TOMORROW. Done. To not do so is very very irresponsible.

Then if you have a vasectomy, women really know from day 1 that you will not have children. Then it is their choice to stay.

Most of my friends (male and female) who didn't want children, eventually did want and have children. Why? Because they wanted a family of their own to grow old with.

You have obviously never visited a retirement community in this country.

First of all, how do you know which people you're seeing there have kids or not? Second, there are many elderly people who would (and do) choose to live in an organized community with other people in a similar stage of life rather than with an adult child, but still have very enriching extended family lives.

But more importantly: when people are talking about a family of their own to grow old with, they generally don't mean, "I want someone to sponge bathe me when I'm 85" (although this is something I've done for my own mother!)...they're talking about experiencing all the joys of having a family in your 50s, 60s, 70s. Which, make no mistake, are plentiful

What you're describing is relatively rare in the American context. Older parents and adult children tend to get together maybe once or twice a year and that's it. Maybe if the adult children have kids, then the number of times increases to twice as much for free childcare ("Oh, I'm coming back for my high school reunion. Dad, can you babysit my 2yo?") Dealing with family is honestly a pain judging by the threads in the FamilyR/ships section of DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- you need to figure out you.
If you TRULY don't want kids now or ever, go get a vasectomy TOMORROW. Done. To not do so is very very irresponsible.

Then if you have a vasectomy, women really know from day 1 that you will not have children. Then it is their choice to stay.

Most of my friends (male and female) who didn't want children, eventually did want and have children. Why? Because they wanted a family of their own to grow old with.

You have obviously never visited a retirement community in this country.

First of all, how do you know which people you're seeing there have kids or not? Second, there are many elderly people who would (and do) choose to live in an organized community with other people in a similar stage of life rather than with an adult child, but still have very enriching extended family lives.

But more importantly: when people are talking about a family of their own to grow old with, they generally don't mean, "I want someone to sponge bathe me when I'm 85" (although this is something I've done for my own mother!)...they're talking about experiencing all the joys of having a family in your 50s, 60s, 70s. Which, make no mistake, are plentiful

What you're describing is relatively rare in the American context. Older parents and adult children tend to get together maybe once or twice a year and that's it. Maybe if the adult children have kids, then the number of times increases to twice as much for free childcare ("Oh, I'm coming back for my high school reunion. Dad, can you babysit my 2yo?") Dealing with family is honestly a pain judging by the threads in the FamilyR/ships section of DCUM.

Lol!!! Well, duh, if that's what you're basing your determination on...haha. Come on. By that logic, most people also make $250k+ / year, judging by threads on DCUM. But anyways, as people always point out: people with good marriages and/or good family relationships don't post about their problems on anonymous online message boards. No one's going to come here and post, "I freaking love my extended family, it's SO cool to watch my parents interacting with my kids, it melts my heart how my daughter asks to FaceTime grandpa all the time, etcetc" because...what's the point of that. No one cares. I can actually tell you that in practice, the majority of my friends have extremely close relationships with their parents and grown siblings. My kids see my parents all the time, and it is truly cherished on both ends. Not rare at all. We spend a lot of time with family, and ditto to the majority of my friends who live in this are (we all grew up here)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He doesn't owe anyone an explanation. People like you make people like us (CFBC) very reticent about sharing our anti-children viewpoints. You're not going to like what I have to say as a child-free person so why tell you? So that I'll get bingo-ed with a "Oh, you'll change your mind?"

The majority of people don't care what you do. But, remember before you go telling people what you think about children that you were one too and CF people felt the same about you.

I don't think everyone is cut out for kids and that is ok. You shouldn't have kids if you don't want them. They are hard even when you do. Sometimes when people ask it is just conversation. You could always do a white lie and not be so insulting.

Please, I hated other kids as a kid. But you're right, I was also a kid. That doesn't mean I have to like kids. I don't understand why you find my comments insulting????

It is only insulting if someone innocently asks you why don't you have kids ( for conversation) and you tell them how awful kids are and in particular her or his kids. If you just say "I'm not cut out for raising kids" ( or something like that) than it is fine.

Point is I try to be generous with other people...kids, elderly etc because either we were kids and hopefully we will get to be elders and nobody likes it when people generalize about one group of people.

ALL kids are brats or All old people are mean and cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He doesn't owe anyone an explanation. People like you make people like us (CFBC) very reticent about sharing our anti-children viewpoints. You're not going to like what I have to say as a child-free person so why tell you? So that I'll get bingo-ed with a "Oh, you'll change your mind?"

The majority of people don't care what you do. But, remember before you go telling people what you think about children that you were one too and CF people felt the same about you.

I don't think everyone is cut out for kids and that is ok. You shouldn't have kids if you don't want them. They are hard even when you do. Sometimes when people ask it is just conversation. You could always do a white lie and not be so insulting.

Please, I hated other kids as a kid. But you're right, I was also a kid. That doesn't mean I have to like kids. I don't understand why you find my comments insulting????

It is only insulting if someone innocently asks you why don't you have kids ( for conversation) and you tell them how awful kids are and in particular her or his kids. If you just say "I'm not cut out for raising kids" ( or something like that) than it is fine.

Point is I try to be generous with other people...kids, elderly etc because either we were kids and hopefully we will get to be elders and nobody likes it when people generalize about one group of people.

ALL kids are brats or All old people are mean and cheap.

If kids are brats, it is because their parents didn't raise them right. Anyway, my answer has always been that the responsibility of children is too much for me to bear and I get bingo-ed with "You'll change your mind". Like WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- you need to figure out you.
If you TRULY don't want kids now or ever, go get a vasectomy TOMORROW. Done. To not do so is very very irresponsible.

Then if you have a vasectomy, women really know from day 1 that you will not have children. Then it is their choice to stay.

Most of my friends (male and female) who didn't want children, eventually did want and have children. Why? Because they wanted a family of their own to grow old with.

You have obviously never visited a retirement community in this country.

First of all, how do you know which people you're seeing there have kids or not? Second, there are many elderly people who would (and do) choose to live in an organized community with other people in a similar stage of life rather than with an adult child, but still have very enriching extended family lives.

But more importantly: when people are talking about a family of their own to grow old with, they generally don't mean, "I want someone to sponge bathe me when I'm 85" (although this is something I've done for my own mother!)...they're talking about experiencing all the joys of having a family in your 50s, 60s, 70s. Which, make no mistake, are plentiful

What you're describing is relatively rare in the American context. Older parents and adult children tend to get together maybe once or twice a year and that's it. Maybe if the adult children have kids, then the number of times increases to twice as much for free childcare ("Oh, I'm coming back for my high school reunion. Dad, can you babysit my 2yo?") Dealing with family is honestly a pain judging by the threads in the FamilyR/ships section of DCUM.

Lol!!! Well, duh, if that's what you're basing your determination on...haha. Come on. By that logic, most people also make $250k+ / year, judging by threads on DCUM. But anyways, as people always point out: people with good marriages and/or good family relationships don't post about their problems on anonymous online message boards. No one's going to come here and post, "I freaking love my extended family, it's SO cool to watch my parents interacting with my kids, it melts my heart how my daughter asks to FaceTime grandpa all the time, etcetc" because...what's the point of that. No one cares. I can actually tell you that in practice, the majority of my friends have extremely close relationships with their parents and grown siblings. My kids see my parents all the time, and it is truly cherished on both ends. Not rare at all. We spend a lot of time with family, and ditto to the majority of my friends who live in this are (we all grew up here)

Majority of the US doesn't live in such a compact city like DC. So no, your experience is still RARE.