Girlfriend Now Wnats Kids..

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m a woman and I don’t want kids and my ex husband actually thought I would change my mind. I never did. We had married when I was 29 and divorced when I was 34. He was a wonderful guy but we just couldn’t get over this issue and it poisoned our marriage. When I dated after the divorce, I was very upfront about it. I felt I had to be! I was totally the weirdo bringing up kids on the first date, but I just didn’t want to waste anyone’s time because I fully recognize that I’m a minority here. I think you just have to bite the bullet and move on. It was painful for me to divorce someone I otherwise loved very much, but I am now remarried to someone even more wonderful who also shares my feelings on children. It’s not the end of the world for either of you. But this is a topic you can’t really compromise on.

[Anonymous]

You are not the bad guy and you are not selfish. You were upfront and honest. It is okay for her to change her mind, but it does not mean you need to change yours. You are no longer compatible.

When our daughter was four my first husband pulled away, was gone a lot, crazy overtime. Turned out he was having an affair. In a moment of complete honesty he explained he never wanted to have kids or raise a family. This is not the lifestyle he wanted. Shocked I asked why he had said he wanted a child years ago. His response was I would have left him & not married him if he had not wanted kids.

Be true to you and what you want. There is someone out there seeking the same path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. Women do the bait and switch all the time. It is a part of the game. Get a vasectomy and go back for the testing. Always use condoms too.

Or cut her loose. Plenty of fish in the sea.

[Anonymous]

You've only been dating a year, and you didn't move in together or get engaged. It's wonderful that she came to this realization before you made any more permanent moves.

You should break up with her so she can find someone on the same life path. You should start dating people in the 'no kids' clubs around DC. There are a lot of people who are pretty firm on their stance, and plenty of women out there who don't want kids.

But if she actually wants to BE a kid... well... I don't know how to help you there.

[Anonymous]

End it. No one is the bad guy. It's ok for someone's perspective on kids to change, and ok for it not to. But, it means a basic incompatibility which will only lead to resentment.

End it. And don't listen even if she says she'll do without kids. She will end up resenting you. It's over

[Anonymous]

Sorry but this is one issue that cannot be compromised on. I know several couples who have divorced after a few years of marriage because they failed to deal with this issue head on before marriage...they sort of assumed they loved each other and they'd figure it out. But this is one issue that you CANNOT figure out; if one person wants kids and the other doesn't, that's that. You're incompatible.

It sucks but trust me it is much better that you end this now than let it go on and end it in 2/3/5 years. It will only suck more at that point. She's 34 now; this desire is not going to wane (and is in fact only going to get much, much stronger) over the next 5 years. You have to end it now. I'm sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:End it. No one is the bad guy. It's ok for someone's perspective on kids to change, and ok for it not to. But, it means a basic incompatibility which will only lead to resentment.

End it. And don't listen even if she says she'll do without kids. She will end up resenting you. It's over

Definitely this. She may say that while secretly harboring hope that she'll ultimately be able to convince you and change your mind - or she may be lying to herself and pretending she's okay with not. But that won't last...if she wants kids, she wants kids. You have to break up

[Anonymous]

Do not have a kid to please her. Just break up, despite some people being convinced that every woman in the world wants kids there are plenty who don’t. It’s a pain to start over but if you stay with her it’s not fair to her. And if you have Kisangani it’s not fair to you.

My brother should never have had kids. He ended up with twins. He’s an okay dad (now divorced) but he really shouldn’t have been had them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women want kids. You are going to have a tuff time finding someone who doesn't want kids. You are really selfish. My husband got burned by his ex and said no more kids but since it was important to me, he agreed (and he's glad he did). I told him I would not marry him or stay with him if he choose no kids. I hope she does the right thing and finds someone who wants kids and she can be truly happy with.

He’s selfish because he’s been honest and knows he doesn’t want kids??

Just because you blackmailed your DH to have them doesn’t mean it’s right and really doesn’t mean he’s grateful for you.

He's a great, very involved Dad and wonderful husband. It wasn't blackmail. I would have broken up over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women want kids. You are going to have a tuff time finding someone who doesn't want kids. You are really selfish. My husband got burned by his ex and said no more kids but since it was important to me, he agreed (and he's glad he did). I told him I would not marry him or stay with him if he choose no kids. I hope she does the right thing and finds someone who wants kids and she can be truly happy with.

He’s selfish because he’s been honest and knows he doesn’t want kids??

Just because you blackmailed your DH to have them doesn’t mean it’s right and really doesn’t mean he’s grateful for you.

He's a great, very involved Dad and wonderful husband. It wasn't blackmail. I would have broken up over it.

Are your kids out of the house? If not, prepare for the eventual divorce

[Anonymous]

Children are a blessing.

[Anonymous]

OP- you need to figure out you.
If you TRULY don't want kids now or ever, go get a vasectomy TOMORROW. Done. To not do so is very very irresponsible.

Then if you have a vasectomy, women really know from day 1 that you will not have children. Then it is their choice to stay.

Most of my friends (male and female) who didn't want children, eventually did want and have children. Why? Because they wanted a family of their own to grow old with.

[Anonymous]

You need to break up immediately. She needs to find someone who wants kids.

I asked my DH before marriage if kids was a dealbreaker. He said no. I told him I did not think I would want kids (I did with someone else but not with him for many reasons and thought I could be happy with him...but only without kids). After marriage, he started pressuring me to get off the pill. The first time we had sex off the pill I thought to myself I was going back on the pill and getting a divorce. Guess what? I got pregnant. First kid. We have two. I am resentful and we have a sexless, emotionless, loveless marriage and I want out. End it now.

[Anonymous]

Wrap it up till you break up. Otherwise you will definitely end up with a kid.

[Anonymous]

Learn to spell before having any kids.