Girlfriend Now Wnats Kids..

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year. When we first met, I was upfront that I didn’t want want the repsonukitu of raising children. She was onboard, and said she has come to realize she wanted to remain childless. The other night I felt something had been bothering her, and she tearfully told me she realizes she wants to be a kid, but she’s afraid that will mean we won’t be together. I haven’t changed my mind. It’s tough because we just talked about getting engaged and moving in together. She’s the first woman I’ve ever felt that I could see myself spending my life with. We just work so well together, and it hurts that we will breakup. She said she doesn’t want to lose me, or make the decision, so I feel like the decision is left to me. I don’t want her to regret us, but I don’t want to lose her either. I feel I’m left to be the bad guy. I’ve never wanted kids, and I won’t change my mind, or have a child just to please her. I’m upset and don’t know what to do.

[Anonymous]

I'm tired of all the damn repsonukitu myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year. When we first met, I was upfront that I didn’t want want the repsonukitu of raising children. She was onboard, and said she has come to realize she wanted to remain childless. The other night I felt something had been bothering her, and she tearfully told me she realizes she wants to be a kid, but she’s afraid that will mean we won’t be together. I haven’t changed my mind. It’s tough because we just talked about getting engaged and moving in together. She’s the first woman I’ve ever felt that I could see myself spending my life with. We just work so well together, and it hurts that we will breakup. She said she doesn’t want to lose me, or make the decision, so I feel like the decision is left to me. I don’t want her to regret us, but I don’t want to lose her either. I feel I’m left to be the bad guy. I’ve never wanted kids, and I won’t change my mind, or have a child just to please her. I’m upset and don’t know what to do.

You know what to do. You just don't want to do it.

You have to break up. You need to do it sooner rather than later. There is no middle ground on this. If it was a situation where she wanted 3 kids and you wanted 1, you could find a compromise, but there is no compromise between "doesn't want to have any kids at all" and "wants any kids at all."

I think it's pretty cowardly of her to put the decision on you and I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year. When we first met, I was upfront that I didn’t want want the repsonukitu of raising children. She was onboard, and said she has come to realize she wanted to remain childless. The other night I felt something had been bothering her, and she tearfully told me she realizes she wants to be a kid, but she’s afraid that will mean we won’t be together. I haven’t changed my mind. It’s tough because we just talked about getting engaged and moving in together. She’s the first woman I’ve ever felt that I could see myself spending my life with. We just work so well together, and it hurts that we will breakup. She said she doesn’t want to lose me, or make the decision, so I feel like the decision is left to me. I don’t want her to regret us, but I don’t want to lose her either. I feel I’m left to be the bad guy. I’ve never wanted kids, and I won’t change my mind, or have a child just to please her. I’m upset and don’t know what to do.

You do know what to do. You have to tell her gently but firmly that you love her very much, but if she is certain that she wants children, you two need to go your separate ways. Don't lead her on and don't drag it out.

That said... I'm really sorry. It just sucks all around. Neither of you is the bad guy for wanting (or not wanting) what you want. It just makes you two incompatible in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. Women do the bait and switch all the time. It is a part of the game. Get a vasectomy and go back for the testing. Always use condoms too.

[Anonymous]

Dating isn't permanent. This is why.

[Anonymous]

Most women want kids. You are going to have a tuff time finding someone who doesn't want kids. You are really selfish. My husband got burned by his ex and said no more kids but since it was important to me, he agreed (and he's glad he did). I told him I would not marry him or stay with him if he choose no kids. I hope she does the right thing and finds someone who wants kids and she can be truly happy with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. Women do the bait and switch all the time. It is a part of the game. Get a vasectomy and go back for the testing. Always use condoms too.

My husband had a vasc. before me. We have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year. When we first met, I was upfront that I didn’t want want the repsonukitu of raising children. She was onboard, and said she has come to realize she wanted to remain childless. The other night I felt something had been bothering her, and she tearfully told me she realizes she wants to be a kid, but she’s afraid that will mean we won’t be together. I haven’t changed my mind. It’s tough because we just talked about getting engaged and moving in together. She’s the first woman I’ve ever felt that I could see myself spending my life with. We just work so well together, and it hurts that we will breakup. She said she doesn’t want to lose me, or make the decision, so I feel like the decision is left to me. I don’t want her to regret us, but I don’t want to lose her either. I feel I’m left to be the bad guy. I’ve never wanted kids, and I won’t change my mind, or have a child just to please her. I’m upset and don’t know what to do.

Most woman want children. Face it. Find someone who thinks she is physically unable to get pregnant.

You got a vasectomy, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. Women do the bait and switch all the time. It is a part of the game. Get a vasectomy and go back for the testing. Always use condoms too.

I have to agree about the vasectomy if you really don’t want kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women want kids. You are going to have a tuff time finding someone who doesn't want kids. You are really selfish. My husband got burned by his ex and said no more kids but since it was important to me, he agreed (and he's glad he did). I told him I would not marry him or stay with him if he choose no kids. I hope she does the right thing and finds someone who wants kids and she can be truly happy with.

He’s selfish because he’s been honest and knows he doesn’t want kids??

Just because you blackmailed your DH to have them doesn’t mean it’s right and really doesn’t mean he’s grateful for you.

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP? if you are 23 versus 37 then I think that makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? if you are 23 versus 37 then I think that makes a difference.

OP here. She’s 34 and I’m 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year. When we first met, I was upfront that I didn’t want want the repsonukitu of raising children. She was onboard, and said she has come to realize she wanted to remain childless. The other night I felt something had been bothering her, and she tearfully told me she realizes she wants to be a kid, but she’s afraid that will mean we won’t be together. I haven’t changed my mind. It’s tough because we just talked about getting engaged and moving in together. She’s the first woman I’ve ever felt that I could see myself spending my life with. We just work so well together, and it hurts that we will breakup. She said she doesn’t want to lose me, or make the decision, so I feel like the decision is left to me. I don’t want her to regret us, but I don’t want to lose her either. I feel I’m left to be the bad guy. I’ve never wanted kids, and I won’t change my mind, or have a child just to please her. I’m upset and don’t know what to do.

That's one kink I wouldn't be able to handle. I don't blame you for bailing.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, the whole situation is awful. Although it's good you guys are able to be honest about your desires. You're right, you have to break up. It's not fair to either of you to stay together.

And to PP, he's not selfish at all. He made it clear from the start that he doesn't want kids. His position has not changed and he's being an adult about having the conversation with her because SHE changed her mind. There are many women who don't want kids , and there is nothing wrong with that.