MIL refuses to call DS the right name

[Anonymous]

This is so stupid to fight over. First of all, Ted is the more common short-version of Theodore than Theo. So you kind of set your kid up for correcting people his entire life. Secondly, who cares. This is so much less weird than the April/Sarah thing mentioned. She IS calling him by his name or a version of it.

My grandma insisted on calling me by my full first name which I never use, socially or professionally. But no one cared, myself or my parents, because IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.

Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.

This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.

The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.

You are saying that a little kid should not get upset when someone repeatedly and intentionally calls him a name that is not his? And also, you are so desperate to avoid conflict that you think the best way to handle this is to ignore it, and just let her continue, in the hopes she stops?

I don't even know what to call this. What gets stepped on more often than a doormat? I sincerely hope you find some self respect, and the courage to stand up for yourself.

It's his name. It's a nickname for his given name.

You are a complete buffoon. You don't just get to assign nicknames to people. If I meet a William, I don't just get to decide to call him Billy. If I meet an Elizabeth, I can't just start calling her Lizzy, and then when she complains, say, "Well, that's a nickname for Elizabeth, and it's what I want to call you, so suck it up." It matters not at all that this is a kid.

[Anonymous]

What the heck is wrong with her. That is her name.

Don't cave in. Don't reprimand your son. In fact, tell him it is fine to only reply to his name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There are things worth fighting for in life. Even things worth severing relationships over.

But many more things are better left ignored. And often ignoring them solves the problem.

Child (and more importantly his mother) need to learn this lesson (and apparently so do you).

I think MIL has figured out and in part is doing this to get under DIL's skin. If true MIL is a passive aggressive POS. But DIL is stupid for not being smart enough to steer herself and her son clear of this silliness and worrying about more important things.

Dafuq? OP is standing up for her DS who isn't being respected by his own grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the heck is wrong with her. That is her name.

Don't cave in. Don't reprimand your son. In fact, tell him it is fine to only reply to his name.

correction. That is HIS name

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.

Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.

This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.

The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.

You are saying that a little kid should not get upset when someone repeatedly and intentionally calls him a name that is not his? And also, you are so desperate to avoid conflict that you think the best way to handle this is to ignore it, and just let her continue, in the hopes she stops?

I don't even know what to call this. What gets stepped on more often than a doormat? I sincerely hope you find some self respect, and the courage to stand up for yourself.

It's his name. It's a nickname for his given name.

You are a complete buffoon. You don't just get to assign nicknames to people. If I meet a William, I don't just get to decide to call him Billy. If I meet an Elizabeth, I can't just start calling her Lizzy, and then when she complains, say, "Well, that's a nickname for Elizabeth, and it's what I want to call you, so suck it up." It matters not at all that this is a kid.

Actually, yes, that's how nicknames work. Sometimes the person picks, but more often they are given by others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.

Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.

This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.

The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.

You are saying that a little kid should not get upset when someone repeatedly and intentionally calls him a name that is not his? And also, you are so desperate to avoid conflict that you think the best way to handle this is to ignore it, and just let her continue, in the hopes she stops?

I don't even know what to call this. What gets stepped on more often than a doormat? I sincerely hope you find some self respect, and the courage to stand up for yourself.

There are things worth fighting for in life. Even things worth severing relationships over.

But many more things are better left ignored. And often ignoring them solves the problem.

Child (and more importantly his mother) need to learn this lesson (and apparently so do you).

I think MIL has figured out and in part is doing this to get under DIL's skin. If true MIL is a passive aggressive POS. But DIL is stupid for not being smart enough to steer herself and her son clear of this silliness and worrying about more important things.

Wisdom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am amazed at the posters defending the MIL. Who are you people?

People with family who don't respect boundaries that have been taught that you kowtow to the crazy ones to keep the family peace.

Prob true. So weird to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid to fight over. First of all, Ted is the more common short-version of Theodore than Theo. So you kind of set your kid up for correcting people his entire life. Secondly, who cares. This is so much less weird than the April/Sarah thing mentioned. She IS calling him by his name or a version of it.

My grandma insisted on calling me by my full first name which I never use, socially or professionally. But no one cared, myself or my parents, because IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL.

You didn't care. Awesome. The kid here cares.

And you have some selective reading issues. Everyone - OP's DH, FIL, DH's siblings, even other grandkids have corrected MIL. Blaming this on OP indicates some very, very strange projection on your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would instruct my child to call her Grandma Ted.

Bonus points if he can get some of the other grandkids to call her that too. Maybe you even slip up and say it once or twice too.

If she objects or gets bent out of shape, just laugh and say “Well Theo doesn’t want to be called Ted either!” If she continues to call him Ted you continue too.

Or ...

It's his name. It's a nickname for his given name.

You are a complete buffoon. You don't just get to assign nicknames to people. If I meet a William, I don't just get to decide to call him Billy. If I meet an Elizabeth, I can't just start calling her Lizzy, and then when she complains, say, "Well, that's a nickname for Elizabeth, and it's what I want to call you, so suck it up." It matters not at all that this is a kid.

Actually, yes, that's how nicknames work. Sometimes the person picks, but more often they are given by others.

Just have him start calling her "Missy." You can, too, and whomever else chooses to. Give her a nickname consistent with her behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.

Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.

This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.

The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.

You are saying that a little kid should not get upset when someone repeatedly and intentionally calls him a name that is not his? And also, you are so desperate to avoid conflict that you think the best way to handle this is to ignore it, and just let her continue, in the hopes she stops?

I don't even know what to call this. What gets stepped on more often than a doormat? I sincerely hope you find some self respect, and the courage to stand up for yourself.

It's his name. It's a nickname for his given name.

You are a complete buffoon. You don't just get to assign nicknames to people. If I meet a William, I don't just get to decide to call him Billy. If I meet an Elizabeth, I can't just start calling her Lizzy, and then when she complains, say, "Well, that's a nickname for Elizabeth, and it's what I want to call you, so suck it up." It matters not at all that this is a kid.

Actually, yes, that's how nicknames work. Sometimes the person picks, but more often they are given by others.

And if the recipient hates it, he or she makes that preference known, and *people stop calling him that.* It's pretty simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.

Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.

This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.

The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.

You are saying that a little kid should not get upset when someone repeatedly and intentionally calls him a name that is not his? And also, you are so desperate to avoid conflict that you think the best way to handle this is to ignore it, and just let her continue, in the hopes she stops?

I don't even know what to call this. What gets stepped on more often than a doormat? I sincerely hope you find some self respect, and the courage to stand up for yourself.

It's his name. It's a nickname for his given name.

You are a complete buffoon. You don't just get to assign nicknames to people. If I meet a William, I don't just get to decide to call him Billy. If I meet an Elizabeth, I can't just start calling her Lizzy, and then when she complains, say, "Well, that's a nickname for Elizabeth, and it's what I want to call you, so suck it up." It matters not at all that this is a kid.

Actually, yes, that's how nicknames work. Sometimes the person picks, but more often they are given by others.

And if the recipient hates it, he or she makes that preference known, and *people stop calling him that.* It's pretty simple.

Right - but one of the ways to make this clear is by ignoring people who use the unapproved name. Though again in this particular case the nickname is the shortened version of this particular name that probably 95 out of 100 people would come up with so this really is a silly thing to dig in about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.

Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.

This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.

The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.

You are saying that a little kid should not get upset when someone repeatedly and intentionally calls him a name that is not his? And also, you are so desperate to avoid conflict that you think the best way to handle this is to ignore it, and just let her continue, in the hopes she stops?

I don't even know what to call this. What gets stepped on more often than a doormat? I sincerely hope you find some self respect, and the courage to stand up for yourself.

It's his name. It's a nickname for his given name.

You are a complete buffoon. You don't just get to assign nicknames to people. If I meet a William, I don't just get to decide to call him Billy. If I meet an Elizabeth, I can't just start calling her Lizzy, and then when she complains, say, "Well, that's a nickname for Elizabeth, and it's what I want to call you, so suck it up." It matters not at all that this is a kid.

Actually, yes, that's how nicknames work. Sometimes the person picks, but more often they are given by others.

And if the recipient hates it, he or she makes that preference known, and *people stop calling him that.* It's pretty simple.

Y'all Northerners are so cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.

Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.

This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.

The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.

You are saying that a little kid should not get upset when someone repeatedly and intentionally calls him a name that is not his? And also, you are so desperate to avoid conflict that you think the best way to handle this is to ignore it, and just let her continue, in the hopes she stops?

I don't even know what to call this. What gets stepped on more often than a doormat? I sincerely hope you find some self respect, and the courage to stand up for yourself.

It's his name. It's a nickname for his given name.

You are a complete buffoon. You don't just get to assign nicknames to people. If I meet a William, I don't just get to decide to call him Billy. If I meet an Elizabeth, I can't just start calling her Lizzy, and then when she complains, say, "Well, that's a nickname for Elizabeth, and it's what I want to call you, so suck it up." It matters not at all that this is a kid.

Actually, yes, that's how nicknames work. Sometimes the person picks, but more often they are given by others.

And if the recipient hates it, he or she makes that preference known, and *people stop calling him that.* It's pretty simple.

Right - but one of the ways to make this clear is by ignoring people who use the unapproved name. Though again in this particular case the nickname is the shortened version of this particular name that probably 95 out of 100 people would come up with so this really is a silly thing to dig in about.

It doesn't matter if it's silly. I had a friend in college named Michael. If you called him Mike, he would politely explain that he didn't like being called Mike, he preferred Michael. He was totally nice about it, but he corrected everyone who called him a nickname he didn't like, and he did it every time. And, since none of us were jerks, we called him what he wanted to be called. It didn't, so far as I can tell, hold him back personally or professionally.

If OP's kid didn't mind being called Ted, that would be one thing. He doesn't like it, he's said so, and that means that MIL is just being a jerk by insisting on calling him that. And everyone -- OP, her husband, and FIL -- agrees that MIL is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much. People usually give you nicknames,not the other way around.

Most southern grandma's would not stop, even if the child / parents ask. It's best to ignore it, and the DC will just think grandma's a little off.