MIL refuses to call DS the right name

[Anonymous]

NP here. I think OP’s MIL hates her and is doing this to piss her off. It’s a shame she is using her grandson to do this. It makes her a horrible person, and yes her grandson will grow up hating her. I’ve been through something like this with my own family as a kid. I stopped seeing the person with my parents permission. I grew up hating them—Their loss.

[Anonymous]

I’d keep letting your son handle it by correcting her or ignoring her, with no repercussions.

My MIL loves to play games too. She calls one DIL April, when her name is Sarah. We don’t even know an April. Sarah ignores her, or someone will say “that’s not April.” It’s weird, and the whole family corrects her and acknowledges how weird it is. She’s not senile and just smirks if someone asks her why, but never gives an answer. Going on eight years.

[Anonymous]

I would instruct my child to call her Grandma Ted.

Bonus points if he can get some of the other grandkids to call her that too. Maybe you even slip up and say it once or twice too.

If she objects or gets bent out of shape, just laugh and say “Well Theo doesn’t want to be called Ted either!” If she continues to call him Ted you continue too.

[Anonymous]

I think it's time your DH laid down the law with his mother about this to let her know that it's upsetting to DS and that DS doesn't want to visit with them because she won't call him by the correct name. Tell her that it's confusing and upsetting for DS that Grandma gets his name wrong every time but doesn't do it with any of the other kids. If MIL wants to start playing nice, then visits can continue as normal. If she continues to disrespect DS, then you and DH can't allow your DS to be in such an environment. DH can go visit his parents alone.

It's disrespectful to you, DH and DS. Plain and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.

Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.

This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.

The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.

You are saying that a little kid should not get upset when someone repeatedly and intentionally calls him a name that is not his? And also, you are so desperate to avoid conflict that you think the best way to handle this is to ignore it, and just let her continue, in the hopes she stops?

I don't even know what to call this. What gets stepped on more often than a doormat? I sincerely hope you find some self respect, and the courage to stand up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d keep letting your son handle it by correcting her or ignoring her, with no repercussions.

My MIL loves to play games too. She calls one DIL April, when her name is Sarah. We don’t even know an April. Sarah ignores her, or someone will say “that’s not April.” It’s weird, and the whole family corrects her and acknowledges how weird it is. She’s not senile and just smirks if someone asks her why, but never gives an answer. Going on eight years.

Wow. I thought OP's MIL was a nut job, but yours is worse.

[Anonymous]

There are so many crazy, confrontational posters on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.

Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.

This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.

The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.

You are saying that a little kid should not get upset when someone repeatedly and intentionally calls him a name that is not his? And also, you are so desperate to avoid conflict that you think the best way to handle this is to ignore it, and just let her continue, in the hopes she stops?

I don't even know what to call this. What gets stepped on more often than a doormat? I sincerely hope you find some self respect, and the courage to stand up for yourself.

It's his name. It's a nickname for his given name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

Yeah, no. That's a great way to learn that your family is allowed to disrespect you and put you down. He doesn't want to be called that - period. That's his choice, it's HIS name. My mom hated the nickname other people gave me, but *I* liked it, and she had no say in whether they called me that or not.

If this is Grandma's hill to die on, that's a sign of worse things to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.

Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.

This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.

The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.

NP. But this is coming from his own grandmother! She HAS been corrected, numerous times, and disregards what the child says and what the parents say. I think it's reasonable for a child to get upset over this. Why doesn't grandma do this to anyone else? Why only him? Why doesn't grandma listen when I tell her what my name is? It sounds like the child has learned how to stand up for himself but he's dealing with an adult - a family member to boot - who deliberately ignores him. The child should not have to be the one to act like an adult in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you are saddled with one of the bad ones, OP. Tell him he can call her whatever name he wants too. Grandmonster, perhaps.

[Anonymous]

I am amazed at the posters defending the MIL. Who are you people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am amazed at the posters defending the MIL. Who are you people?

People with family who don't respect boundaries that have been taught that you kowtow to the crazy ones to keep the family peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am amazed at the posters defending the MIL. Who are you people?

This is clearly a fight between OP and her MIL. She hasn't encouraged her DS to accept the name or to have a good relationship with his grandma, only requiring politeness. Stubborn old lady?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.

I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.

Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.

But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.

He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.

He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.

Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.

This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.

The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.

You are saying that a little kid should not get upset when someone repeatedly and intentionally calls him a name that is not his? And also, you are so desperate to avoid conflict that you think the best way to handle this is to ignore it, and just let her continue, in the hopes she stops?

I don't even know what to call this. What gets stepped on more often than a doormat? I sincerely hope you find some self respect, and the courage to stand up for yourself.

There are things worth fighting for in life. Even things worth severing relationships over.

But many more things are better left ignored. And often ignoring them solves the problem.

Child (and more importantly his mother) need to learn this lesson (and apparently so do you).

I think MIL has figured out and in part is doing this to get under DIL's skin. If true MIL is a passive aggressive POS. But DIL is stupid for not being smart enough to steer herself and her son clear of this silliness and worrying about more important things.