VERY British BIL and SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a Texan, some of these comments made me lol. Yes, we definitely have ignorant trash here, like everywhere else, yes, DC too, but at least the cities are much better -Houstonian here.

OP, agree with PPs that once the kid is in school, dad's influence will lessen. Heck, I'm totally Americanized and answer my parents in English when they speak to me in our native language.

I'm a "European" and can never stop feeling amused for an unyielding hard-on the DC crowds seem to have for all things "European". It is as if they don't realize that Europe, like the U.S., is a highly stratified, class-conscious society that has plenty of everyone. Working class. Lumpens. Uneducated people. Highly educated people. Average people. No, things don't suddenly acquire special sophistication because they are "European". For all you know, your BIL is a chav whose family gets trashed in a pub every Friday and Saturday night, and whose womenfolk stumble out of pubs to pass out on sidewalks in their strappy sandals and miniskirts in the dead of British winter. So what that he's British?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not a citizen? It would be hilarious if he inadvertently commited a traffic-related felony on one of his motorcycles and got his ass deported.

How would that be hilarious? You're an ass.

Having been through the process with my husband, once you have a green card it’s incredibly easy and cheap to become a citizen. I have no sympathy whatsoever for a grown ass adult who’s lived in America for 20 years but won’t make it official because he thinks he’s too good for us.

NP. It’s not just “making it official”. He’d have to give up his British citizenship. There are a lot of disadvantages to that. America is a terrible place to be as you age if you develop medical problems. NHS may not be awesome but it’s something.

And not sure why it’s anyones business that they don’t like baseball. We’ve been here over a decade and we aren’t raising the kids to play baseball either because it’s bloody boring and not played in the rest of the world. You know, that big world out there besides the US. Not sure why someone would choose cricket which we personally find equally boring, but soccer is a good option. In any case, it’s his business.

And apparently our kids still speak with a British accent although they were born here. We don’t actually want that, and we can’t hear it. Sometimes I try to deliberately drawl out words that I want them to pronounce in an American way (including their names) but I just sound ridiculous.

He would not have to give up British citizenship. Simply tell the home office that his intention was not to renounce British passport. Simple.

He would not have to give up British citizenship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As an international family, who knows lot of other international families, I hope you understand that we have to be VERY protective of our native countries' cultures and habits. We take it very seriously. It has nothing to do with bias against the USA.

This is because the host country will be PREDOMINANT in our children's lives. The host culture will seep in without any kind of effort, while the language, manners and cultures of the countries of origin have to be force-fed in order to be integrated completely.

I lived in foreign countries as a child (foreign to my parents' origins), and absorbed my host countries' cultures so easily! Meanwhile my mother had a terrible time trying to teach me her language and culture. My father abandoned any efforts to teach me his language, although he cooked his country's foods.

So now my children live in the USA, despite the fact that neither myself nor my husband are originally from this country, and we listen to our country's news in the language, we pay for a weekend school for our kids where they can get one of our native languages taught by teachers with a diploma from our country, and generally expose them to all kinds of cultural things from our countries.

I'm not saying these people you know aren't going a little too far. Maybe they are. But it's better to start out this way, because Americanisms will quickly engulf all their efforts once their child starts school, even if they find an international or British school.

None of this applies to Britain because Britain and the U.S. aren't that different. There is no British weekend school. There is no British language classes. There is no British culture courses. Stop this nonsense. British food is best avoided even by the Brits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to widen her circle, and maybe she'd see that this behavior is normal for immigrants. At home, many people go to extra effort to recreate home (their native country). Babies and little kids have this strong influence--the food, the language, the culture and habits--and it's all they know until they go off to school. Once they're in school they rapidly absorb American culture.

Except none of this actually applies if you're British. So the BIL is simply inventing stuff to feel superior to the heathens amid which he voluntarily (I imagine) chose to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm hoping some of you with British relatives can help me out here. I've got a very British brother-in-law married to my sister-in-law, a native Texan. BIL has lived in TX for over two decades, yet has not pursued US citizenship and only visits the UK once annually. My SIL is a nice, smart woman but completely mind-screwed by his insistence of (what he perceives as) very British manners, customs, foods.

That's all fine and well, but my problem is they have a very active, energetic, sweet 3-year old son who they are forcing this on, as well. He is not allowed to watch or even talk about things American. They watch BBC and Formula 1, cricket, and cycling with a strange fanaticism. Despite living in semi-rural Texas, lil' dude even speaks with a British accent like the old man.

I'm no right-winger by any stretch, but it definitely feels anti-American and condescending/rude to my and my wife's family and culture. They visited us in DC this weekend and the poor kid was all over the tee ball/bat.

TLDR: My BIL is a strange Brit who is brainwashing my nephew. What would you do?

How and why did a "very" British man end up living in semi-rural east Texas?

I don't think there is a correct response to this from a British perspective. It's not a cultural thing but a personality thing. He isn't stereotypically British but stereotypically an asshole.

I'd just stay out of it. The kid will adjust to Americanism soon enough. It's impossible. Just like offsprings of Americans who grow up in the UK often become more British than Americans.

I figured this question would come up. He came here with his Dad-who he is estranged from entirely-about 25 years ago to be a trades apprentice (lineman for a power co.). He's steadily moved up the corporate ladder (literally), and has stuck around probably because of the relatively low COL.

He and his Dad live literally 15 minutes from each other and haven't spoke since like 1999.

So basically you don't like your BIL and find anything he does annoying and objectionable. Got it.

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm hoping some of you with British relatives can help me out here. I've got a very British brother-in-law married to my sister-in-law, a native Texan. BIL has lived in TX for over two decades, yet has not pursued US citizenship and only visits the UK once annually. My SIL is a nice, smart woman but completely mind-screwed by his insistence of (what he perceives as) very British manners, customs, foods.

That's all fine and well, but my problem is they have a very active, energetic, sweet 3-year old son who they are forcing this on, as well. He is not allowed to watch or even talk about things American. They watch BBC and Formula 1, cricket, and cycling with a strange fanaticism. Despite living in semi-rural Texas, lil' dude even speaks with a British accent like the old man.

I'm no right-winger by any stretch, but it definitely feels anti-American and condescending/rude to my and my wife's family and culture. They visited us in DC this weekend and the poor kid was all over the tee ball/bat.

TLDR: My BIL is a strange Brit who is brainwashing my nephew. What would you do?

How and why did a "very" British man end up living in semi-rural east Texas?

I don't think there is a correct response to this from a British perspective. It's not a cultural thing but a personality thing. He isn't stereotypically British but stereotypically an asshole.

I'd just stay out of it. The kid will adjust to Americanism soon enough. It's impossible. Just like offsprings of Americans who grow up in the UK often become more British than Americans.

I figured this question would come up. He came here with his Dad-who he is estranged from entirely-about 25 years ago to be a trades apprentice (lineman for a power co.). He's steadily moved up the corporate ladder (literally), and has stuck around probably because of the relatively low COL.

He and his Dad live literally 15 minutes from each other and haven't spoke since like 1999.

So basically you don't like your BIL and find anything he does annoying and objectionable. Got it.

Grow up.

God forbid she has an opinion! It's probably justified!

Ps- grow up means "accept that as a woman you will have zero pride and accept bad behavior from everyone else."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not a citizen? It would be hilarious if he inadvertently commited a traffic-related felony on one of his motorcycles and got his ass deported.

How would that be hilarious? You're an ass.

Having been through the process with my husband, once you have a green card it’s incredibly easy and cheap to become a citizen. I have no sympathy whatsoever for a grown ass adult who’s lived in America for 20 years but won’t make it official because he thinks he’s too good for us.

OP here, and this is awesome. Pretty much sums it up.

Through the process of this thread, I've come to realize this isn't a culture thing or British thing but rather a "My BIL is an asshole" thing.

I don't understand why you think he needs to take American citizenship. It's not a requirement. What's wrong with living here and retaining his original citizenship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm hoping some of you with British relatives can help me out here. I've got a very British brother-in-law married to my sister-in-law, a native Texan. BIL has lived in TX for over two decades, yet has not pursued US citizenship and only visits the UK once annually. My SIL is a nice, smart woman but completely mind-screwed by his insistence of (what he perceives as) very British manners, customs, foods.

That's all fine and well, but my problem is they have a very active, energetic, sweet 3-year old son who they are forcing this on, as well. He is not allowed to watch or even talk about things American. They watch BBC and Formula 1, cricket, and cycling with a strange fanaticism. Despite living in semi-rural Texas, lil' dude even speaks with a British accent like the old man.

I'm no right-winger by any stretch, but it definitely feels anti-American and condescending/rude to my and my wife's family and culture. They visited us in DC this weekend and the poor kid was all over the tee ball/bat.

TLDR: My BIL is a strange Brit who is brainwashing my nephew. What would you do?

How and why did a "very" British man end up living in semi-rural east Texas?

I don't think there is a correct response to this from a British perspective. It's not a cultural thing but a personality thing. He isn't stereotypically British but stereotypically an asshole.

I'd just stay out of it. The kid will adjust to Americanism soon enough. It's impossible. Just like offsprings of Americans who grow up in the UK often become more British than Americans.

I figured this question would come up. He came here with his Dad-who he is estranged from entirely-about 25 years ago to be a trades apprentice (lineman for a power co.). He's steadily moved up the corporate ladder (literally), and has stuck around probably because of the relatively low COL.

He and his Dad live literally 15 minutes from each other and haven't spoke since like 1999.

So basically you don't like your BIL and find anything he does annoying and objectionable. Got it.

Grow up.

God forbid she has an opinion! It's probably justified!

Ps- grow up means "accept that as a woman you will have zero pride and accept bad behavior from everyone else."

The bad behavior being what, exactly? Teaching his child his native customs and culture? Not playing baseball?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your BIL. Yes after almost 20 yrs I too am “too good” to be a citizen if that’s how you want to look at it. Especially at a time like this. Even most Americans are embarrassed to be american these days (i don’t bring it up- but I feel like I’m providing free therapy for a lot of Americans)

Texas must be a difficult place to be-it’s probably the most ruttingly coarse part of this country- so BIL has gone a little overboard. If sis is ok with it, let time mellow the kids out. Annoying to be around, but nothing you can do. If you and sis aren’t cLose enough to have already discussed this, you will never be and she will only take offense.

When the kids get made fun of, they will figure out how to blend in-or not. In Dc- it’s international enough with like minded people so none of us have had to change our ways. Our culture travels with us.

Again, Texas-(I’m assuming not Austin) -I can’t even imagine.

Texan here imploring you to never, ever visit the state. LOL

I'm not the poster you're addressing, but I won't be nasty in return. Unlike you red-staters, we welcome everyone. Not just those whose color or opinions we like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your BIL. Yes after almost 20 yrs I too am “too good” to be a citizen if that’s how you want to look at it. Especially at a time like this. Even most Americans are embarrassed to be american these days (i don’t bring it up- but I feel like I’m providing free therapy for a lot of Americans)

Texas must be a difficult place to be-it’s probably the most ruttingly coarse part of this country- so BIL has gone a little overboard. If sis is ok with it, let time mellow the kids out. Annoying to be around, but nothing you can do. If you and sis aren’t cLose enough to have already discussed this, you will never be and she will only take offense.

When the kids get made fun of, they will figure out how to blend in-or not. In Dc- it’s international enough with like minded people so none of us have had to change our ways. Our culture travels with us.

Again, Texas-(I’m assuming not Austin) -I can’t even imagine.

Texan here imploring you to never, ever visit the state. LOL

I'm not the poster you're addressing, but I won't be nasty in return. Unlike you red-staters, we welcome everyone. Not just those whose color or opinions we like.

Nasty "in return"? The OP you quoted is nasty as could be toward Texas. Remember, the British BIL is there voluntarily.

And I've actually found liberal states in general, and DCUM in particular, to be extremely intolerant toward any views that aren't liberal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will self correct once the kid is in school. Don’t worry about it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to widen her circle, and maybe she'd see that this behavior is normal for immigrants. At home, many people go to extra effort to recreate home (their native country). Babies and little kids have this strong influence--the food, the language, the culture and habits--and it's all they know until they go off to school. Once they're in school they rapidly absorb American culture.

Except none of this actually applies if you're British. So the BIL is simply inventing stuff to feel superior to the heathens amid which he voluntarily (I imagine) chose to live.

That chip on your shoulder may be getting in the way of you understanding that there are cultural differences between countries that have the same language, and even between different areas of one country.

When people move to another place, they usually like to hold onto and show their children various aspects of their native culture/region.

I've lived in the UK and in Texas, as well as many other parts of the world and the US, and I and others in my immediate family have married into other cultures. Some people are all about assimilation, but many hold on tightly to their original regional ways. It's human nature, not an affront to you and your particular culture. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to widen her circle, and maybe she'd see that this behavior is normal for immigrants. At home, many people go to extra effort to recreate home (their native country). Babies and little kids have this strong influence--the food, the language, the culture and habits--and it's all they know until they go off to school. Once they're in school they rapidly absorb American culture.

Except none of this actually applies if you're British. So the BIL is simply inventing stuff to feel superior to the heathens amid which he voluntarily (I imagine) chose to live.

That chip on your shoulder may be getting in the way of you understanding that there are cultural differences between countries that have the same language, and even between different areas of one country.

When people move to another place, they usually like to hold onto and show their children various aspects of their native culture/region.

I've lived in the UK and in Texas, as well as many other parts of the world and the US, and I and others in my immediate family have married into other cultures. Some people are all about assimilation, but many hold on tightly to their original regional ways. It's human nature, not an affront to you and your particular culture. Get over it.

Ha! I'm an immigrant married to another immigrant. Our native languages aren't English. Our customs are different. Actually different, not pretend-different like UK vs. the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to widen her circle, and maybe she'd see that this behavior is normal for immigrants. At home, many people go to extra effort to recreate home (their native country). Babies and little kids have this strong influence--the food, the language, the culture and habits--and it's all they know until they go off to school. Once they're in school they rapidly absorb American culture.

Except none of this actually applies if you're British. So the BIL is simply inventing stuff to feel superior to the heathens amid which he voluntarily (I imagine) chose to live.

That chip on your shoulder may be getting in the way of you understanding that there are cultural differences between countries that have the same language, and even between different areas of one country.

When people move to another place, they usually like to hold onto and show their children various aspects of their native culture/region.

I've lived in the UK and in Texas, as well as many other parts of the world and the US, and I and others in my immediate family have married into other cultures. Some people are all about assimilation, but many hold on tightly to their original regional ways. It's human nature, not an affront to you and your particular culture. Get over it.

Ha! I'm an immigrant married to another immigrant. Our native languages aren't English. Our customs are different. Actually different, not pretend-different like UK vs. the US.

If you're an immigrant perhaps you are unable to see the differences between American and British customs and culture. There are plenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to widen her circle, and maybe she'd see that this behavior is normal for immigrants. At home, many people go to extra effort to recreate home (their native country). Babies and little kids have this strong influence--the food, the language, the culture and habits--and it's all they know until they go off to school. Once they're in school they rapidly absorb American culture.

Except none of this actually applies if you're British. So the BIL is simply inventing stuff to feel superior to the heathens amid which he voluntarily (I imagine) chose to live.

That chip on your shoulder may be getting in the way of you understanding that there are cultural differences between countries that have the same language, and even between different areas of one country.

When people move to another place, they usually like to hold onto and show their children various aspects of their native culture/region.

I've lived in the UK and in Texas, as well as many other parts of the world and the US, and I and others in my immediate family have married into other cultures. Some people are all about assimilation, but many hold on tightly to their original regional ways. It's human nature, not an affront to you and your particular culture. Get over it.

Ha! I'm an immigrant married to another immigrant. Our native languages aren't English. Our customs are different. Actually different, not pretend-different like UK vs. the US.

If you're an immigrant perhaps you are unable to see the differences between American and British customs and culture. There are plenty.

No, I know they exist, I went to school in the UK and go to London for work regularly. I just don't think they are THAT different, and plus they are very class dependent. To claim that differentiation to the degree OP describes is not only pretentious, it would be frowned upon by most reasonable Brits. It is nowhere close to what is necessary to maintain language and customs that are ACTUALLY different.