VERY British BIL and SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your BIL. Yes after almost 20 yrs I too am “too good” to be a citizen if that’s how you want to look at it. Especially at a time like this. Even most Americans are embarrassed to be american these days (i don’t bring it up- but I feel like I’m providing free therapy for a lot of Americans)

Texas must be a difficult place to be-it’s probably the most ruttingly coarse part of this country- so BIL has gone a little overboard. If sis is ok with it, let time mellow the kids out. Annoying to be around, but nothing you can do. If you and sis aren’t cLose enough to have already discussed this, you will never be and she will only take offense.

When the kids get made fun of, they will figure out how to blend in-or not. In Dc- it’s international enough with like minded people so none of us have had to change our ways. Our culture travels with us.

Again, Texas-(I’m assuming not Austin) -I can’t even imagine.

this entire post is gross.

Feels spot on to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your BIL. Yes after almost 20 yrs I too am “too good” to be a citizen if that’s how you want to look at it. Especially at a time like this. Even most Americans are embarrassed to be american these days (i don’t bring it up- but I feel like I’m providing free therapy for a lot of Americans)

Texas must be a difficult place to be-it’s probably the most ruttingly coarse part of this country- so BIL has gone a little overboard. If sis is ok with it, let time mellow the kids out. Annoying to be around, but nothing you can do. If you and sis aren’t cLose enough to have already discussed this, you will never be and she will only take offense.

When the kids get made fun of, they will figure out how to blend in-or not. In Dc- it’s international enough with like minded people so none of us have had to change our ways. Our culture travels with us.

Again, Texas-(I’m assuming not Austin) -I can’t even imagine.

this entire post is gross.

Completely inarticulate. Thanks for adding less than nothing to the discourse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not a citizen? It would be hilarious if he inadvertently commited a traffic-related felony on one of his motorcycles and got his ass deported.

How would that be hilarious? You're an ass.

Having been through the process with my husband, once you have a green card it’s incredibly easy and cheap to become a citizen. I have no sympathy whatsoever for a grown ass adult who’s lived in America for 20 years but won’t make it official because he thinks he’s too good for us.

NP. It’s not just “making it official”. He’d have to give up his British citizenship. There are a lot of disadvantages to that. America is a terrible place to be as you age if you develop medical problems. NHS may not be awesome but it’s something.

And not sure why it’s anyones business that they don’t like baseball. We’ve been here over a decade and we aren’t raising the kids to play baseball either because it’s bloody boring and not played in the rest of the world. You know, that big world out there besides the US. Not sure why someone would choose cricket which we personally find equally boring, but soccer is a good option. In any case, it’s his business.

And apparently our kids still speak with a British accent although they were born here. We don’t actually want that, and we can’t hear it. Sometimes I try to deliberately drawl out words that I want them to pronounce in an American way (including their names) but I just sound ridiculous.

No you don't. My DH has dual, but I agree about NHS and getting older. We're thinking about retiring early in the UK *only* because of the cost of healthcare here.

[Anonymous]

As an international family, who knows lot of other international families, I hope you understand that we have to be VERY protective of our native countries' cultures and habits. We take it very seriously. It has nothing to do with bias against the USA.

This is because the host country will be PREDOMINANT in our children's lives. The host culture will seep in without any kind of effort, while the language, manners and cultures of the countries of origin have to be force-fed in order to be integrated completely.

I lived in foreign countries as a child (foreign to my parents' origins), and absorbed my host countries' cultures so easily! Meanwhile my mother had a terrible time trying to teach me her language and culture. My father abandoned any efforts to teach me his language, although he cooked his country's foods.

So now my children live in the USA, despite the fact that neither myself nor my husband are originally from this country, and we listen to our country's news in the language, we pay for a weekend school for our kids where they can get one of our native languages taught by teachers with a diploma from our country, and generally expose them to all kinds of cultural things from our countries.

I'm not saying these people you know aren't going a little too far. Maybe they are. But it's better to start out this way, because Americanisms will quickly engulf all their efforts once their child starts school, even if they find an international or British school.

[Anonymous]

Your nephew is fortunate to be offered an alternative to the relentless ignorance and vulgarity that must surround him.

It is the other Texans you should be worried about.

[Anonymous]

I'm 16:32.

Please be advised that some people cannot have dual citizenship and feel a conflict of loyalties and practicalities.

My Asian father who has lived in a European country for the past 30+ years would have to give up his citizenship for the host country's, and he doesn't want to do that, and I understand.

My husband (not the same country) would also have to give up his citizenship in order to be an American citizen, and it's emotionally hard for him to do this.

Luckily, I don't have that problem, and I am currently working towards getting dual citizenship!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As an international family, who knows lot of other international families, I hope you understand that we have to be VERY protective of our native countries' cultures and habits. We take it very seriously. It has nothing to do with bias against the USA.

This is because the host country will be PREDOMINANT in our children's lives. The host culture will seep in without any kind of effort, while the language, manners and cultures of the countries of origin have to be force-fed in order to be integrated completely.

I lived in foreign countries as a child (foreign to my parents' origins), and absorbed my host countries' cultures so easily! Meanwhile my mother had a terrible time trying to teach me her language and culture. My father abandoned any efforts to teach me his language, although he cooked his country's foods.

So now my children live in the USA, despite the fact that neither myself nor my husband are originally from this country, and we listen to our country's news in the language, we pay for a weekend school for our kids where they can get one of our native languages taught by teachers with a diploma from our country, and generally expose them to all kinds of cultural things from our countries.

I'm not saying these people you know aren't going a little too far. Maybe they are. But it's better to start out this way, because Americanisms will quickly engulf all their efforts once their child starts school, even if they find an international or British school.

Let me guess- DSW?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm 16:32.

Please be advised that some people cannot have dual citizenship and feel a conflict of loyalties and practicalities.

My Asian father who has lived in a European country for the past 30+ years would have to give up his citizenship for the host country's, and he doesn't want to do that, and I understand.

My husband (not the same country) would also have to give up his citizenship in order to be an American citizen, and it's emotionally hard for him to do this.

Luckily, I don't have that problem, and I am currently working towards getting dual citizenship!

Some countries do not allow dual citizenship. Germany, for example. But the issue here was someone claiming that they couldn't take American citizenship without surrendering their British citizenship, which is not true. America and the UK both allow dual citizenships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean he isn't allowed to talk about things American? They live in Texas - how is it possible to avoid all things American??

They live in Texas.

How is it possible to avoid all things Texas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could be your BIL. Yes after almost 20 yrs I too am “too good” to be a citizen if that’s how you want to look at it. Especially at a time like this. Even most Americans are embarrassed to be american these days (i don’t bring it up- but I feel like I’m providing free therapy for a lot of Americans)

Texas must be a difficult place to be-it’s probably the most ruttingly coarse part of this country- so BIL has gone a little overboard. If sis is ok with it, let time mellow the kids out. Annoying to be around, but nothing you can do. If you and sis aren’t cLose enough to have already discussed this, you will never be and she will only take offense.

When the kids get made fun of, they will figure out how to blend in-or not. In Dc- it’s international enough with like minded people so none of us have had to change our ways. Our culture travels with us.

Again, Texas-(I’m assuming not Austin) -I can’t even imagine.

You do not know many Americans and must have a very small circle

And you have clearly never been to Texas...lucky them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, the kid lives in America and is surrounded by Americans. Maybe dad is just putting in a little extra effort to expose the kid to his British heritage. Certainly no one else in Texas is going to do that? Regardless, MYOB.

I get it, and I have and will keep to myself on this. I just feel bad for the kid, like he's going to be some kind of culture alien or, worse yet, poseur.

There is nothing to worry about. Like others said, once the kid goes to school the school culture will be far more influential than the home culture.

I immigrated to the U.S. as a baby and grew up in home where my father only allowed to us to speak our native language. We only ate our home country's foods, and all my parents' friends were also from there. I promise you I am 100% American in every way, except I was blessed to have a more worldly exposure than the average American kid.

I feel like your discomfort stems from the fact that your nephew is not being taught a different language. If he were becoming bilingual you would see the value in it, I expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your nephew is fortunate to be offered an alternative to the relentless ignorance and vulgarity that must surround him.

It is the other Texans you should be worried about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, the kid lives in America and is surrounded by Americans. Maybe dad is just putting in a little extra effort to expose the kid to his British heritage. Certainly no one else in Texas is going to do that? Regardless, MYOB.

I'm British and totally agree. I wish my kids had British accents but the truth is they make fun of me for mine. They are very American despite my attempts to teach them about my homeland and culture. That's to be expected.

Also most British kids ate little out of control brats. Hopefully he's not trying to emulate that.

[Anonymous]

Oops, are not ate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm hoping some of you with British relatives can help me out here. I've got a very British brother-in-law married to my sister-in-law, a native Texan. BIL has lived in TX for over two decades, yet has not pursued US citizenship and only visits the UK once annually. My SIL is a nice, smart woman but completely mind-screwed by his insistence of (what he perceives as) very British manners, customs, foods.

That's all fine and well, but my problem is they have a very active, energetic, sweet 3-year old son who they are forcing this on, as well. He is not allowed to watch or even talk about things American. They watch BBC and Formula 1, cricket, and cycling with a strange fanaticism. Despite living in semi-rural Texas, lil' dude even speaks with a British accent like the old man.

I'm no right-winger by any stretch, but it definitely feels anti-American and condescending/rude to my and my wife's family and culture. They visited us in DC this weekend and the poor kid was all over the tee ball/bat.

TLDR: My BIL is a strange Brit who is brainwashing my nephew. What would you do?

I agree with the pp that it’ll resolve itself by school. The fantastic I am in any direction is weird. But maybe the dad is trying to build some common interests between him and his son. He could of course go the other way and be interested in what his kid likes and not force things on him. I do think hat we can all benefit from better manners and table manners and polite customs. It’s the condescension that the problem. Does the bil have any American friends?

I think you touched on a major problem that my wife and I were discussing last night: it seems like they are absolutely forcing their interests, customs, faux culture on the kid. I'm sure there is a certain amount of self-correction that will happen here, especially living in east Texas.

BIL doesn't have any American friends that I know of, but then again, I don't know if he has any friends at all, honestly. He is almost anti-social and it seems like he'd rather be in the garage playing with his three (3!) new motorcycles than engaged with his wife and kid. During the holidays he will purposefully show up late and leave early from my Inlaws house, just because that's how he rolls, apparently.

I absolutely agree with you on the better manners and polite customs, but its not like my wife or her people are rubes.

What is "faux culture"? My DH is a Brit. We live in the 'burbs, and DC went to daycare, but DC still said some words with a British accent or the British way. It self corrected as DC got older. DH insists on British table manners, which IMO is a bit too much, but I let it go.

BTW, too bad your BIL lives in Texas. My DH is a huuuge F1 fan and also loves motorcycles, too. DH is pretty social, so he does have American friends, but many of his friends are also expats. It could be your DH is just not a social person, and since he probably can't find people to connect with in rural TX, he doesn't have any friends.

I understand you probably feel sorry for the child, but we all instill our own values on our kids. Some American parents never let their kids watch tv or eat any junk food.

WTF are "British table manners"?!

British person