VERY British BIL and SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not a citizen? It would be hilarious if he inadvertently commited a traffic-related felony on one of his motorcycles and got his ass deported.

How would that be hilarious? You're an ass.

Having been through the process with my husband, once you have a green card it’s incredibly easy and cheap to become a citizen. I have no sympathy whatsoever for a grown ass adult who’s lived in America for 20 years but won’t make it official because he thinks he’s too good for us.

NP. It’s not just “making it official”. He’d have to give up his British citizenship. There are a lot of disadvantages to that. America is a terrible place to be as you age if you develop medical problems. NHS may not be awesome but it’s something.

And not sure why it’s anyones business that they don’t like baseball. We’ve been here over a decade and we aren’t raising the kids to play baseball either because it’s bloody boring and not played in the rest of the world. You know, that big world out there besides the US. Not sure why someone would choose cricket which we personally find equally boring, but soccer is a good option. In any case, it’s his business.

And apparently our kids still speak with a British accent although they were born here. We don’t actually want that, and we can’t hear it. Sometimes I try to deliberately drawl out words that I want them to pronounce in an American way (including their names) but I just sound ridiculous.

He would not have to give up British citizenship. Simply tell the home office that his intention was not to renounce British passport. Simple.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like the problem may be that your BIL's insistence on all-things-British feels like a slight against your DW and her family. Unless BIL is specifically making disparaging comments or generalizations about your DW's family or Americans, you cannot take this personally. All of us infuse our children with elements from our own upbringing - some people do it more than others. No need to read anything more into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm hoping some of you with British relatives can help me out here. I've got a very British brother-in-law married to my sister-in-law, a native Texan. BIL has lived in TX for over two decades, yet has not pursued US citizenship and only visits the UK once annually. My SIL is a nice, smart woman but completely mind-screwed by his insistence of (what he perceives as) very British manners, customs, foods.

That's all fine and well, but my problem is they have a very active, energetic, sweet 3-year old son who they are forcing this on, as well. He is not allowed to watch or even talk about things American. They watch BBC and Formula 1, cricket, and cycling with a strange fanaticism. Despite living in semi-rural Texas, lil' dude even speaks with a British accent like the old man.

I'm no right-winger by any stretch, but it definitely feels anti-American and condescending/rude to my and my wife's family and culture. They visited us in DC this weekend and the poor kid was all over the tee ball/bat.

TLDR: My BIL is a strange Brit who is brainwashing my nephew. What would you do?

I agree with the pp that it’ll resolve itself by school. The fantastic I am in any direction is weird. But maybe the dad is trying to build some common interests between him and his son. He could of course go the other way and be interested in what his kid likes and not force things on him. I do think hat we can all benefit from better manners and table manners and polite customs. It’s the condescension that the problem. Does the bil have any American friends?

I think you touched on a major problem that my wife and I were discussing last night: it seems like they are absolutely forcing their interests, customs, faux culture on the kid. I'm sure there is a certain amount of self-correction that will happen here, especially living in east Texas.

BIL doesn't have any American friends that I know of, but then again, I don't know if he has any friends at all, honestly. He is almost anti-social and it seems like he'd rather be in the garage playing with his three (3!) new motorcycles than engaged with his wife and kid. During the holidays he will purposefully show up late and leave early from my Inlaws house, just because that's how he rolls, apparently.

I absolutely agree with you on the better manners and polite customs, but its not like my wife or her people are rubes.

What is "faux culture"? My DH is a Brit. We live in the 'burbs, and DC went to daycare, but DC still said some words with a British accent or the British way. It self corrected as DC got older. DH insists on British table manners, which IMO is a bit too much, but I let it go.

BTW, too bad your BIL lives in Texas. My DH is a huuuge F1 fan and also loves motorcycles, too. DH is pretty social, so he does have American friends, but many of his friends are also expats. It could be your DH is just not a social person, and since he probably can't find people to connect with in rural TX, he doesn't have any friends.

I understand you probably feel sorry for the child, but we all instill our own values on our kids. Some American parents never let their kids watch tv or eat any junk food.

WTF are "British table manners"?!

British person

I think it's the holding the knife and fork thing (I also make my kids do this - I don't like the American way)
-another British person

[Anonymous]

OP needs to widen her circle, and maybe she'd see that this behavior is normal for immigrants. At home, many people go to extra effort to recreate home (their native country). Babies and little kids have this strong influence--the food, the language, the culture and habits--and it's all they know until they go off to school. Once they're in school they rapidly absorb American culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to be taking this weirdly personally. How is it rude/condescending to you that they choose to raise their child differently? If this were anything but British culture and one parent were pushing a connection to another heritage would you feel the same way? MYOB is right.

+100
This has nothing to do with you and there is no reason you should be searching for things to be offended by. There is absolutely nothing for you to do here.

[Anonymous]

As a Texan, some of these comments made me lol. Yes, we definitely have ignorant trash here, like everywhere else, yes, DC too, but at least the cities are much better -Houstonian here.

OP, agree with PPs that once the kid is in school, dad's influence will lessen. Heck, I'm totally Americanized and answer my parents in English when they speak to me in our native language.

[Anonymous]

Canadian here, trying to figure out what’s wrong with F1 and BBC. Both are amazing, considering the US alternatives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not a citizen? It would be hilarious if he inadvertently commited a traffic-related felony on one of his motorcycles and got his ass deported.

How would that be hilarious? You're an ass.

Having been through the process with my husband, once you have a green card it’s incredibly easy and cheap to become a citizen. I have no sympathy whatsoever for a grown ass adult who’s lived in America for 20 years but won’t make it official because he thinks he’s too good for us.

OP here, and this is awesome. Pretty much sums it up.

Through the process of this thread, I've come to realize this isn't a culture thing or British thing but rather a "My BIL is an asshole" thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could be your BIL. Yes after almost 20 yrs I too am “too good” to be a citizen if that’s how you want to look at it. Especially at a time like this. Even most Americans are embarrassed to be american these days (i don’t bring it up- but I feel like I’m providing free therapy for a lot of Americans)

Texas must be a difficult place to be-it’s probably the most ruttingly coarse part of this country- so BIL has gone a little overboard. If sis is ok with it, let time mellow the kids out. Annoying to be around, but nothing you can do. If you and sis aren’t cLose enough to have already discussed this, you will never be and she will only take offense.

When the kids get made fun of, they will figure out how to blend in-or not. In Dc- it’s international enough with like minded people so none of us have had to change our ways. Our culture travels with us.

Again, Texas-(I’m assuming not Austin) -I can’t even imagine.

Texan here imploring you to never, ever visit the state. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your nephew is fortunate to be offered an alternative to the relentless ignorance and vulgarity that must surround him.

It is the other Texans you should be worried about.

This is such a typically DC/northeastern a-hole generalization.

I bet this person has never been west of Virginia.

[Anonymous]

This has nothing to do with you.

At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Canadian here, trying to figure out what’s wrong with F1 and BBC. Both are amazing, considering the US alternatives?

Nothing. It just shows OP'S ignorance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm hoping some of you with British relatives can help me out here. I've got a very British brother-in-law married to my sister-in-law, a native Texan. BIL has lived in TX for over two decades, yet has not pursued US citizenship and only visits the UK once annually. My SIL is a nice, smart woman but completely mind-screwed by his insistence of (what he perceives as) very British manners, customs, foods.

That's all fine and well, but my problem is they have a very active, energetic, sweet 3-year old son who they are forcing this on, as well. He is not allowed to watch or even talk about things American. They watch BBC and Formula 1, cricket, and cycling with a strange fanaticism. Despite living in semi-rural Texas, lil' dude even speaks with a British accent like the old man.

I'm no right-winger by any stretch, but it definitely feels anti-American and condescending/rude to my and my wife's family and culture. They visited us in DC this weekend and the poor kid was all over the tee ball/bat.

TLDR: My BIL is a strange Brit who is brainwashing my nephew. What would you do?

I agree with the pp that it’ll resolve itself by school. The fantastic I am in any direction is weird. But maybe the dad is trying to build some common interests between him and his son. He could of course go the other way and be interested in what his kid likes and not force things on him. I do think hat we can all benefit from better manners and table manners and polite customs. It’s the condescension that the problem. Does the bil have any American friends?

I think you touched on a major problem that my wife and I were discussing last night: it seems like they are absolutely forcing their interests, customs, faux culture on the kid. I'm sure there is a certain amount of self-correction that will happen here, especially living in east Texas.

BIL doesn't have any American friends that I know of, but then again, I don't know if he has any friends at all, honestly. He is almost anti-social and it seems like he'd rather be in the garage playing with his three (3!) new motorcycles than engaged with his wife and kid. During the holidays he will purposefully show up late and leave early from my Inlaws house, just because that's how he rolls, apparently.

I absolutely agree with you on the better manners and polite customs, but its not like my wife or her people are rubes.

What is "faux culture"? My DH is a Brit. We live in the 'burbs, and DC went to daycare, but DC still said some words with a British accent or the British way. It self corrected as DC got older. DH insists on British table manners, which IMO is a bit too much, but I let it go.

BTW, too bad your BIL lives in Texas. My DH is a huuuge F1 fan and also loves motorcycles, too. DH is pretty social, so he does have American friends, but many of his friends are also expats. It could be your DH is just not a social person, and since he probably can't find people to connect with in rural TX, he doesn't have any friends.

I understand you probably feel sorry for the child, but we all instill our own values on our kids. Some American parents never let their kids watch tv or eat any junk food.

WTF are "British table manners"?!

British person

I think it's the holding the knife and fork thing (I also make my kids do this - I don't like the American way)
-another British person

I'm rolling my eyes if holding a fork in the left hand/knife in the right hand is the only thing that separates "British" table manners from regular table manners.

[Anonymous]

I’d call Texas a flyover but I have had to touch down and endure many layovers in DFW. There isn’t always an option to fly over it.

Your sis seems to like the cut of his jib so there’s something about America she doesn’t like about herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not a citizen? It would be hilarious if he inadvertently commited a traffic-related felony on one of his motorcycles and got his ass deported.

How would that be hilarious? You're an ass.

Having been through the process with my husband, once you have a green card it’s incredibly easy and cheap to become a citizen. I have no sympathy whatsoever for a grown ass adult who’s lived in America for 20 years but won’t make it official because he thinks he’s too good for us.

No, it actually isn't. Unless your DH is a white European. My Arab DH's application has been "under review" for the last four years. His green card took nine years and a very expensive lawsuit. Please do not assume your privilege is universal.