VERY British BIL and SIL

[Anonymous]

You seem to be taking this weirdly personally. How is it rude/condescending to you that they choose to raise their child differently? If this were anything but British culture and one parent were pushing a connection to another heritage would you feel the same way? MYOB is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm hoping some of you with British relatives can help me out here. I've got a very British brother-in-law married to my sister-in-law, a native Texan. BIL has lived in TX for over two decades, yet has not pursued US citizenship and only visits the UK once annually. My SIL is a nice, smart woman but completely mind-screwed by his insistence of (what he perceives as) very British manners, customs, foods.

That's all fine and well, but my problem is they have a very active, energetic, sweet 3-year old son who they are forcing this on, as well. He is not allowed to watch or even talk about things American. They watch BBC and Formula 1, cricket, and cycling with a strange fanaticism. Despite living in semi-rural Texas, lil' dude even speaks with a British accent like the old man.

I'm no right-winger by any stretch, but it definitely feels anti-American and condescending/rude to my and my wife's family and culture. They visited us in DC this weekend and the poor kid was all over the tee ball/bat.

TLDR: My BIL is a strange Brit who is brainwashing my nephew. What would you do?

I agree with the pp that it’ll resolve itself by school. The fantastic I am in any direction is weird. But maybe the dad is trying to build some common interests between him and his son. He could of course go the other way and be interested in what his kid likes and not force things on him. I do think hat we can all benefit from better manners and table manners and polite customs. It’s the condescension that the problem. Does the bil have any American friends?

I think you touched on a major problem that my wife and I were discussing last night: it seems like they are absolutely forcing their interests, customs, faux culture on the kid. I'm sure there is a certain amount of self-correction that will happen here, especially living in east Texas.

BIL doesn't have any American friends that I know of, but then again, I don't know if he has any friends at all, honestly. He is almost anti-social and it seems like he'd rather be in the garage playing with his three (3!) new motorcycles than engaged with his wife and kid. During the holidays he will purposefully show up late and leave early from my Inlaws house, just because that's how he rolls, apparently.

I absolutely agree with you on the better manners and polite customs, but its not like my wife or her people are rubes.

What is "faux culture"? My DH is a Brit. We live in the 'burbs, and DC went to daycare, but DC still said some words with a British accent or the British way. It self corrected as DC got older. DH insists on British table manners, which IMO is a bit too much, but I let it go.

BTW, too bad your BIL lives in Texas. My DH is a huuuge F1 fan and also loves motorcycles, too. DH is pretty social, so he does have American friends, but many of his friends are also expats. It could be your DH is just not a social person, and since he probably can't find people to connect with in rural TX, he doesn't have any friends.

I understand you probably feel sorry for the child, but we all instill our own values on our kids. Some American parents never let their kids watch tv or eat any junk food.

[Anonymous]

^sorry, I realize the person is not your DH but your BIL.

[Anonymous]

Still not a citizen? It would be hilarious if he inadvertently commited a traffic-related felony on one of his motorcycles and got his ass deported.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still not a citizen? It would be hilarious if he inadvertently commited a traffic-related felony on one of his motorcycles and got his ass deported.

How would that be hilarious? You're an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm hoping some of you with British relatives can help me out here. I've got a very British brother-in-law married to my sister-in-law, a native Texan. BIL has lived in TX for over two decades, yet has not pursued US citizenship and only visits the UK once annually. My SIL is a nice, smart woman but completely mind-screwed by his insistence of (what he perceives as) very British manners, customs, foods.

That's all fine and well, but my problem is they have a very active, energetic, sweet 3-year old son who they are forcing this on, as well. He is not allowed to watch or even talk about things American. They watch BBC and Formula 1, cricket, and cycling with a strange fanaticism. Despite living in semi-rural Texas, lil' dude even speaks with a British accent like the old man.

I'm no right-winger by any stretch, but it definitely feels anti-American and condescending/rude to my and my wife's family and culture. They visited us in DC this weekend and the poor kid was all over the tee ball/bat.

TLDR: My BIL is a strange Brit who is brainwashing my nephew. What would you do?

How and why did a "very" British man end up living in semi-rural east Texas?

I don't think there is a correct response to this from a British perspective. It's not a cultural thing but a personality thing. He isn't stereotypically British but stereotypically an asshole.

I'd just stay out of it. The kid will adjust to Americanism soon enough. It's impossible. Just like offsprings of Americans who grow up in the UK often become more British than Americans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not a citizen? It would be hilarious if he inadvertently commited a traffic-related felony on one of his motorcycles and got his ass deported.

How would that be hilarious? You're an ass.

Having been through the process with my husband, once you have a green card it’s incredibly easy and cheap to become a citizen. I have no sympathy whatsoever for a grown ass adult who’s lived in America for 20 years but won’t make it official because he thinks he’s too good for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not a citizen? It would be hilarious if he inadvertently commited a traffic-related felony on one of his motorcycles and got his ass deported.

How would that be hilarious? You're an ass.

Having been through the process with my husband, once you have a green card it’s incredibly easy and cheap to become a citizen. I have no sympathy whatsoever for a grown ass adult who’s lived in America for 20 years but won’t make it official because he thinks he’s too good for us.

NP. It’s not just “making it official”. He’d have to give up his British citizenship. There are a lot of disadvantages to that. America is a terrible place to be as you age if you develop medical problems. NHS may not be awesome but it’s something.

And not sure why it’s anyones business that they don’t like baseball. We’ve been here over a decade and we aren’t raising the kids to play baseball either because it’s bloody boring and not played in the rest of the world. You know, that big world out there besides the US. Not sure why someone would choose cricket which we personally find equally boring, but soccer is a good option. In any case, it’s his business.

And apparently our kids still speak with a British accent although they were born here. We don’t actually want that, and we can’t hear it. Sometimes I try to deliberately drawl out words that I want them to pronounce in an American way (including their names) but I just sound ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

I could be your BIL. Yes after almost 20 yrs I too am “too good” to be a citizen if that’s how you want to look at it. Especially at a time like this. Even most Americans are embarrassed to be american these days (i don’t bring it up- but I feel like I’m providing free therapy for a lot of Americans)

Texas must be a difficult place to be-it’s probably the most ruttingly coarse part of this country- so BIL has gone a little overboard. If sis is ok with it, let time mellow the kids out. Annoying to be around, but nothing you can do. If you and sis aren’t cLose enough to have already discussed this, you will never be and she will only take offense.

When the kids get made fun of, they will figure out how to blend in-or not. In Dc- it’s international enough with like minded people so none of us have had to change our ways. Our culture travels with us.

Again, Texas-(I’m assuming not Austin) -I can’t even imagine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not a citizen? It would be hilarious if he inadvertently commited a traffic-related felony on one of his motorcycles and got his ass deported.

How would that be hilarious? You're an ass.

Having been through the process with my husband, once you have a green card it’s incredibly easy and cheap to become a citizen. I have no sympathy whatsoever for a grown ass adult who’s lived in America for 20 years but won’t make it official because he thinks he’s too good for us.

NP. It’s not just “making it official”. He’d have to give up his British citizenship. There are a lot of disadvantages to that. America is a terrible place to be as you age if you develop medical problems. NHS may not be awesome but it’s something.

And not sure why it’s anyones business that they don’t like baseball. We’ve been here over a decade and we aren’t raising the kids to play baseball either because it’s bloody boring and not played in the rest of the world. You know, that big world out there besides the US. Not sure why someone would choose cricket which we personally find equally boring, but soccer is a good option. In any case, it’s his business.

And apparently our kids still speak with a British accent although they were born here. We don’t actually want that, and we can’t hear it. Sometimes I try to deliberately drawl out words that I want them to pronounce in an American way (including their names) but I just sound ridiculous.

No you don’t. There are plenty of dual US and UK passport holders. I know plenty of people who have citizenship in both countries.

[Anonymous]

If they lived in England and his wife was all about indoctrinating the little dude with American stuff all the time, would you have the same objections?

I agree with the PP's who say this will sort itself out in school. And if it doesn't, who cares? Maybe he'll drink tea instead of coffee and want to play cricket with his dad instead of baseball. Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm hoping some of you with British relatives can help me out here. I've got a very British brother-in-law married to my sister-in-law, a native Texan. BIL has lived in TX for over two decades, yet has not pursued US citizenship and only visits the UK once annually. My SIL is a nice, smart woman but completely mind-screwed by his insistence of (what he perceives as) very British manners, customs, foods.

That's all fine and well, but my problem is they have a very active, energetic, sweet 3-year old son who they are forcing this on, as well. He is not allowed to watch or even talk about things American. They watch BBC and Formula 1, cricket, and cycling with a strange fanaticism. Despite living in semi-rural Texas, lil' dude even speaks with a British accent like the old man.

I'm no right-winger by any stretch, but it definitely feels anti-American and condescending/rude to my and my wife's family and culture. They visited us in DC this weekend and the poor kid was all over the tee ball/bat.

TLDR: My BIL is a strange Brit who is brainwashing my nephew. What would you do?

How and why did a "very" British man end up living in semi-rural east Texas?

I don't think there is a correct response to this from a British perspective. It's not a cultural thing but a personality thing. He isn't stereotypically British but stereotypically an asshole.

I'd just stay out of it. The kid will adjust to Americanism soon enough. It's impossible. Just like offsprings of Americans who grow up in the UK often become more British than Americans.

I figured this question would come up. He came here with his Dad-who he is estranged from entirely-about 25 years ago to be a trades apprentice (lineman for a power co.). He's steadily moved up the corporate ladder (literally), and has stuck around probably because of the relatively low COL.

He and his Dad live literally 15 minutes from each other and haven't spoke since like 1999.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they lived in England and his wife was all about indoctrinating the little dude with American stuff all the time, would you have the same objections?

I agree with the PP's who say this will sort itself out in school. And if it doesn't, who cares? Maybe he'll drink tea instead of coffee and want to play cricket with his dad instead of baseball. Not a big deal.

No, I wouldn't have an objection, I would think it was weird. Just like I think it's weird now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could be your BIL. Yes after almost 20 yrs I too am “too good” to be a citizen if that’s how you want to look at it. Especially at a time like this. Even most Americans are embarrassed to be american these days (i don’t bring it up- but I feel like I’m providing free therapy for a lot of Americans)

Texas must be a difficult place to be-it’s probably the most ruttingly coarse part of this country- so BIL has gone a little overboard. If sis is ok with it, let time mellow the kids out. Annoying to be around, but nothing you can do. If you and sis aren’t cLose enough to have already discussed this, you will never be and she will only take offense.

When the kids get made fun of, they will figure out how to blend in-or not. In Dc- it’s international enough with like minded people so none of us have had to change our ways. Our culture travels with us.

Again, Texas-(I’m assuming not Austin) -I can’t even imagine.

this entire post is gross.