Boundary violation or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m sorry you’re in pain. But no, your ex didn’t cross a boundary. It’s an awkward situation, no doubt, but that’s all - he didn’t seem to be deliberately trying to upset you.

You’ve said everything you needed to say to him, but you can’t control him. And you’re not in a relationship with him anymore, so what he does or doesn’t do has to become irrelevant to you. This guy is taking up an enormous amount of space in your head, which is probably why you’re reacting so dramatically to a pretty mundane interaction..

You’ve mentioned in prior threads that you live in a tiny town but is there really no way to avoid seeing him for a while?

Certainly awkward.

Frostburg has a population of fewer than 10,000 people, and ex and I live two blocks from one another. Even if I venture further afield, the population in the area is so sparse we're bound to run into each other sooner rather than later. However, if I'm able to avoid Frostburg proper for a while the likelihood of my seeing him will decrease. I saw him on Saturday and Sunday, saw him Wednesday of the previous week....its difficult to avoid him here.

I had therapy last night and spoke entirely about my anxiety surrounding this break up. My therapist told me that physically seeing an ex makes it much more difficult to move on given the attachment bonds formed. He suggested staying away from our town as much as possible for several weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And OP, please tell me you weren’t thinking about contacting him to express your displeasure?

No, not at all. I've blocked and deleted him.

[Anonymous]

OP you are emotional over the breakup, and thus focusing on something not important. Time will past and all will be well. Don't let mean comments here or your ex get to you. Good luck with healing.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think you're over-reacting. It's a normal thing that humans do, saying hi to people they know. This issue isn't with your son, it's between the two of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Am I *really* being unreasonable here? Was what my ex did *totally* acceptable? If I'm wrong I'll take it, but clearly I have an issue, which is why I'm approaching the DCUM hive mind.

[Anonymous]

If you made a clear point to tell him to stay away/not acknowledge/contact, then of course he overstepped. And any time something involves our kids we are always in protection mode.

Having said that, he's not inside your head. If he is a non-abusive guy but it just didn't work out, grow up, get over it and move on. You may need therapy to help you process this, but it sounds like you are taking this much, much harder than him. Please wait a helluva longer time before introducing your child to any new partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I see nothing that says he agreed to the no speaking “arrangement “ in the OP scenario. He was also there first. If you have a restraining order on someone, you can’t show up somewhere and demand they leave.

Op never said she demanded he leave (unless she said that in one of the follow ups?).

If op asked him to not talk to her and he went along with that (Which it sounds like he did) then addressing her kid when she's with their kid is obnoxious.

And FWIW imo if one person asks another person after a breakup to not contact them and that person refuses I think they're engaging in borderline abusive behavior.

Of course no one can control another person but a normal well adjusted person doesn't intentionally shove their face in the face of another person who doesn't want to speak to them. Just because it's not illegal doesn't mean you're not an ahole.

So. Much. Drama & irrational instability.

You & James' mom sound perfect for one another.

Dude if you want a good example of drama and irrational emotion take a look at the four or so crazy posts you just made.

NP, but I just have to say... pot meet kettle - you're CRAZY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I see nothing that says he agreed to the no speaking “arrangement “ in the OP scenario. He was also there first. If you have a restraining order on someone, you can’t show up somewhere and demand they leave.

Op never said she demanded he leave (unless she said that in one of the follow ups?).

If op asked him to not talk to her and he went along with that (Which it sounds like he did) then addressing her kid when she's with their kid is obnoxious.

And FWIW imo if one person asks another person after a breakup to not contact them and that person refuses I think they're engaging in borderline abusive behavior.

Of course no one can control another person but a normal well adjusted person doesn't intentionally shove their face in the face of another person who doesn't want to speak to them. Just because it's not illegal doesn't mean you're not an ahole.

So. Much. Drama & irrational instability.

You & James' mom sound perfect for one another.

Dude if you want a good example of drama and irrational emotion take a look at the four or so crazy posts you just made.

The fact that James' mom started a sentence with "dude" tells me everything I need to know about her immature 20 year old self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I see nothing that says he agreed to the no speaking “arrangement “ in the OP scenario. He was also there first. If you have a restraining order on someone, you can’t show up somewhere and demand they leave.

A little off topic but yes, you can actually. Almost every judge issuing protection orders (that I've seen at least, across multiple jurisdictions and plenty of them) tell the restrained person that exact thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I see nothing that says he agreed to the no speaking “arrangement “ in the OP scenario. He was also there first. If you have a restraining order on someone, you can’t show up somewhere and demand they leave.

Op never said she demanded he leave (unless she said that in one of the follow ups?).

If op asked him to not talk to her and he went along with that (Which it sounds like he did) then addressing her kid when she's with their kid is obnoxious.

And FWIW imo if one person asks another person after a breakup to not contact them and that person refuses I think they're engaging in borderline abusive behavior.

Of course no one can control another person but a normal well adjusted person doesn't intentionally shove their face in the face of another person who doesn't want to speak to them. Just because it's not illegal doesn't mean you're not an ahole.

How about the option where the (super childish, imo) person who requested the "no verbal or physical contact in public" decides not to go to the establishment where that other person was there first? Who's the ahole then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I see nothing that says he agreed to the no speaking “arrangement “ in the OP scenario. He was also there first. If you have a restraining order on someone, you can’t show up somewhere and demand they leave.

Op never said she demanded he leave (unless she said that in one of the follow ups?).

If op asked him to not talk to her and he went along with that (Which it sounds like he did) then addressing her kid when she's with their kid is obnoxious.

And FWIW imo if one person asks another person after a breakup to not contact them and that person refuses I think they're engaging in borderline abusive behavior.

Of course no one can control another person but a normal well adjusted person doesn't intentionally shove their face in the face of another person who doesn't want to speak to them. Just because it's not illegal doesn't mean you're not an ahole.

So. Much. Drama & irrational instability.

You & James' mom sound perfect for one another.

Dude if you want a good example of drama and irrational emotion take a look at the four or so crazy posts you just made.

The fact that James' mom started a sentence with "dude" tells me everything I need to know about her immature 20 year old self.

Not James's mom! Just someone who thinks you're nutty

[Anonymous]

op: you are out of your f@cking mind!

I'd like to let your Ex know he dodged a real bullet if he had stayed with you.

Case closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I see nothing that says he agreed to the no speaking “arrangement “ in the OP scenario. He was also there first. If you have a restraining order on someone, you can’t show up somewhere and demand they leave.

Op never said she demanded he leave (unless she said that in one of the follow ups?).

If op asked him to not talk to her and he went along with that (Which it sounds like he did) then addressing her kid when she's with their kid is obnoxious.

And FWIW imo if one person asks another person after a breakup to not contact them and that person refuses I think they're engaging in borderline abusive behavior.

Of course no one can control another person but a normal well adjusted person doesn't intentionally shove their face in the face of another person who doesn't want to speak to them. Just because it's not illegal doesn't mean you're not an ahole.

So. Much. Drama & irrational instability.

You & James' mom sound perfect for one another.

Dude if you want a good example of drama and irrational emotion take a look at the four or so crazy posts you just made.

The fact that James' mom started a sentence with "dude" tells me everything I need to know about her immature 20 year old self.

Not James's mom! Just someone who thinks you're nutty

Of course you're James' mom.

You sockpuppeted in support of yourself in one post & then posted AS yourself 2 minutes later with that Frostburg post.
You're even crazier than I thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I see nothing that says he agreed to the no speaking “arrangement “ in the OP scenario. He was also there first. If you have a restraining order on someone, you can’t show up somewhere and demand they leave.

Op never said she demanded he leave (unless she said that in one of the follow ups?).

If op asked him to not talk to her and he went along with that (Which it sounds like he did) then addressing her kid when she's with their kid is obnoxious.

And FWIW imo if one person asks another person after a breakup to not contact them and that person refuses I think they're engaging in borderline abusive behavior.

Of course no one can control another person but a normal well adjusted person doesn't intentionally shove their face in the face of another person who doesn't want to speak to them. Just because it's not illegal doesn't mean you're not an ahole.

So. Much. Drama & irrational instability.

You & James' mom sound perfect for one another.

Dude if you want a good example of drama and irrational emotion take a look at the four or so crazy posts you just made.

The fact that James' mom started a sentence with "dude" tells me everything I need to know about her immature 20 year old self.

Not James's mom! Just someone who thinks you're nutty

Of course you're James' mom.

You sockpuppeted in support of yourself in one post & then posted AS yourself 2 minutes later with that Frostburg post.
You're even crazier than I thought.

Ask Jeff if you don’t believe me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I see nothing that says he agreed to the no speaking “arrangement “ in the OP scenario. He was also there first. If you have a restraining order on someone, you can’t show up somewhere and demand they leave.

A little off topic but yes, you can actually. Almost every judge issuing protection orders (that I've seen at least, across multiple jurisdictions and plenty of them) tell the restrained person that exact thing.

I am not surprised you are so familiar with restraining orders