Boundary violation or no?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Am I *really* being unreasonable here? Was what my ex did *totally* acceptable? If I'm wrong I'll take it, but clearly I have an issue, which is why I'm approaching the DCUM hive mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess the flood gates are open, but if respondents could refrain from name-calling, it would be appreciated. This is a sincere question.

Ex and I ended amiably, but things recently turned a corner and I cannot accept any communication at all. My thought is that he could have smiled at my kid - it would have communicated something affirming without my having to know. I didn't even look at ex, just saw that he was there as as I approached. It felt terribly awkward.

Grow up, your kids supposedly knew him and he said hi. Are you so petty you want your son to wonder why some man he knew now wont even say hi to him? Put your kid ahead of your childish "awkward" feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your ex the father of James? Did you honestly expect him to ignore a child he knew?

Do you think he knew you'd be at the cafe or it was coincidence?

No he's not the kid's father.

James wasn't saying anything to him.

It was a coincidence.

Then A: whats the problem B: Do you normally need others opinions on meaningless happenings.

Why did he say anything? That's my problem. It was already so overwhelming and anxiety-inducing to see him. It just made it worse for me.

It was a week ago today that I communicated very clearly that he not contact me by any means nor acknowledge me in public. I suppose I consider my kid an extension of myself in this instance (he wouldn't know him if it weren't for me).

Is this something that can actually be legally enforced? Seems odd.

[Anonymous]

You can't control other people. You can "request that he not communicate with me in any way, shape, or form, including not acknowledging me in public" but he does not have to listen.

Maybe your kid looked at him and he didn't want to be rude to a 3 year old.

You sound like a huge pain in the ass

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your ex the father of James? Did you honestly expect him to ignore a child he knew?

Do you think he knew you'd be at the cafe or it was coincidence?

No he's not the kid's father.

James wasn't saying anything to him.

It was a coincidence.

Then A: whats the problem B: Do you normally need others opinions on meaningless happenings.

Why did he say anything? That's my problem. It was already so overwhelming and anxiety-inducing to see him. It just made it worse for me.

It was a week ago today that I communicated very clearly that he not contact me by any means nor acknowledge me in public. I suppose I consider my kid an extension of myself in this instance (he wouldn't know him if it weren't for me).

Get over yourself. Keep your kid out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your ex the father of James? Did you honestly expect him to ignore a child he knew?

Do you think he knew you'd be at the cafe or it was coincidence?

No he's not the kid's father.

James wasn't saying anything to him.

It was a coincidence.

Then A: whats the problem B: Do you normally need others opinions on meaningless happenings.

Why did he say anything? That's my problem. It was already so overwhelming and anxiety-inducing to see him. It just made it worse for me.

It was a week ago today that I communicated very clearly that he not contact me by any means nor acknowledge me in public. I suppose I consider my kid an extension of myself in this instance (he wouldn't know him if it weren't for me).

I think he should have just said nothing, but since it sounds like the ex isn't scary or badly behaved, it was just that you feel really hurt by the breakup, I think you need to just let it go. Any communication you have with him about this just leads to what you say you don't want-more interaction with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't control other people. You can "request that he not communicate with me in any way, shape, or form, including not acknowledging me in public" but he does not have to listen.

Maybe your kid looked at him and he didn't want to be rude to a 3 year old.

You sound like a huge pain in the ass

Necessary? Have you ever been blindsided, heartbroken? Yes, I'm a grown woman but I still have feelings, and the feelings are raw. Maybe I shouldn't leave my house. Or post on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

He was there first, your fault for going in after seeing him, but you like the drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't control other people. You can "request that he not communicate with me in any way, shape, or form, including not acknowledging me in public" but he does not have to listen.

Maybe your kid looked at him and he didn't want to be rude to a 3 year old.

You sound like a huge pain in the ass

Absolutely, someone this fragile may not be the best parent for a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your ex the father of James? Did you honestly expect him to ignore a child he knew?

Do you think he knew you'd be at the cafe or it was coincidence?

No he's not the kid's father.

James wasn't saying anything to him.

It was a coincidence.

Then A: whats the problem B: Do you normally need others opinions on meaningless happenings.

Why did he say anything? That's my problem. It was already so overwhelming and anxiety-inducing to see him. It just made it worse for me.

It was a week ago today that I communicated very clearly that he not contact me by any means nor acknowledge me in public. I suppose I consider my kid an extension of myself in this instance (he wouldn't know him if it weren't for me).

I think he should have just said nothing, but since it sounds like the ex isn't scary or badly behaved, it was just that you feel really hurt by the breakup, I think you need to just let it go. Any communication you have with him about this just leads to what you say you don't want-more interaction with him.

I'm not communicating with him at all, just wanted the DCUM consensus, which I guess is that he's cool and I'm not. Probably accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't control other people. You can "request that he not communicate with me in any way, shape, or form, including not acknowledging me in public" but he does not have to listen.

Maybe your kid looked at him and he didn't want to be rude to a 3 year old.

You sound like a huge pain in the ass

Necessary? Have you ever been blindsided, heartbroken? Yes, I'm a grown woman but I still have feelings, and the feelings are raw. Maybe I shouldn't leave my house. Or post on DCUM.

or go into a place where your ex is.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your ex the father of James? Did you honestly expect him to ignore a child he knew?

Do you think he knew you'd be at the cafe or it was coincidence?

No he's not the kid's father.

James wasn't saying anything to him.

It was a coincidence.

Then A: whats the problem B: Do you normally need others opinions on meaningless happenings.

Why did he say anything? That's my problem. It was already so overwhelming and anxiety-inducing to see him. It just made it worse for me.

It was a week ago today that I communicated very clearly that he not contact me by any means nor acknowledge me in public. I suppose I consider my kid an extension of myself in this instance (he wouldn't know him if it weren't for me).

I think he should have just said nothing, but since it sounds like the ex isn't scary or badly behaved, it was just that you feel really hurt by the breakup, I think you need to just let it go. Any communication you have with him about this just leads to what you say you don't want-more interaction with him.

I'm not communicating with him at all, just wanted the DCUM consensus, which I guess is that he's cool and I'm not. Probably accurate.

Way to prove you're a drama queen, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your ex the father of James? Did you honestly expect him to ignore a child he knew?

Do you think he knew you'd be at the cafe or it was coincidence?

No he's not the kid's father.

James wasn't saying anything to him.

It was a coincidence.

Then A: whats the problem B: Do you normally need others opinions on meaningless happenings.

Why did he say anything? That's my problem. It was already so overwhelming and anxiety-inducing to see him. It just made it worse for me.

It was a week ago today that I communicated very clearly that he not contact me by any means nor acknowledge me in public. I suppose I consider my kid an extension of myself in this instance (he wouldn't know him if it weren't for me).

I think he should have just said nothing, but since it sounds like the ex isn't scary or badly behaved, it was just that you feel really hurt by the breakup, I think you need to just let it go. Any communication you have with him about this just leads to what you say you don't want-more interaction with him.

Really? What are the alternatives? She is a bit nutty.

[Anonymous]

This is my last clarifying post. You know when you're in a situation and you don't know what to do? As I approached the cafe I thought - "shit, do I turn, go somewhere else, calling girlfriend, what?" I thought the cooler thing to do would just be to go in. In short, I didn't want to draw attention to myself by scurrying away. Anyway, I'm just not ready to see him and it sucks that I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my last clarifying post. You know when you're in a situation and you don't know what to do? As I approached the cafe I thought - "shit, do I turn, go somewhere else, calling girlfriend, what?" I thought the cooler thing to do would just be to go in. In short, I didn't want to draw attention to myself by scurrying away. Anyway, I'm just not ready to see him and it sucks that I did.

So it's your issue, why try to make it his issue? He did nothing wrong