Are east coast/DC/NYC guys just less "manly"??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By no means am I suggesting that a guy needs to be benching his body weight; or watching 8 hrs of football per weekend; or be spitting and scratching his crotch to be a real man. But having only lived on the east coast for 2 years, I am kind of shocked by how un-manly well educated white collar professional guys are in DC and NYC. Seems like everyone's hobby is watching the news (politics in DC; CNBC in NYC). They seem incapable of fixing anything - whether it's a closet door that's off its hinge or a flat tire - they are willing to call a handy man or mechanic and are ok with that guy thinking they have no idea what to do. And they seem kind of gossipy/critical about how others are living their lives. Just seems odd to me that a guy would be ok spending his weekend reading a book and criticizing how some other dude is choosing to rent a home rather than buy. I just feel like guys back home -- including drs/lawyers/med/law students were more into sports, working out, home renovation, cars etc. Is this a DC/NYC thing? I've seen it in guys I've casually dated, guys at work etc. -- all ages 25-35.

This is the only thing my husband is interested in talking about besides his job and our money. I gave up on conversation years ago. Yes, he’s from NY. I wish when I was young and in love I noticed that conversation is so boring with him. I also thing men from these parts of the country are bad conversationalists.

I honestly didn't realize men were that gossipy. It's like people have given women a bad name for gossiping and yet the men I run into are no better. It is very "comparative" -- other peoples' houses, jobs, money, family situations. Things that really aren't anyone's business and frankly things you don't know about others just at the surface level because no one else really knows how someone's home life really is or what stresses they really face (or don't).

Yes, my husband is very interested in comparing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an upper class vs blue collar thing. They have the money to not have to do those things.

Not true. My dad's family is very old New England money and he does remodels himself, knows cars inside and out, etc. He always had an interest (although I will say, my uncles are nothing like him).

+1 I’ve actually found it to be the opposite. The old money people I know teach their kids this stuff, make sure they know how to do it, encourage outdoor pursuits, etc. The “oh, my kids don’t need to know that the help will just do it!” screams new money.

+1

"Throwing money at it" = new money. For sure.

+1. My grandfather was very old money, upper class and there's nothing he couldn't do around the house -- painting, fixing a toilet that's running, car issues. He NEVER took the approach of -- we're so rich, the help will do it. As much as he tried to teach his sons, they DID take the view of they'd never need to know because they were rich. Oddly though the next generation (grandkids) have a LOT of his qualities and do take these things upon themselves the way grandpa did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By no means am I suggesting that a guy needs to be benching his body weight; or watching 8 hrs of football per weekend; or be spitting and scratching his crotch to be a real man. But having only lived on the east coast for 2 years, I am kind of shocked by how un-manly well educated white collar professional guys are in DC and NYC. Seems like everyone's hobby is watching the news (politics in DC; CNBC in NYC). They seem incapable of fixing anything - whether it's a closet door that's off its hinge or a flat tire - they are willing to call a handy man or mechanic and are ok with that guy thinking they have no idea what to do. And they seem kind of gossipy/critical about how others are living their lives. Just seems odd to me that a guy would be ok spending his weekend reading a book and criticizing how some other dude is choosing to rent a home rather than buy. I just feel like guys back home -- including drs/lawyers/med/law students were more into sports, working out, home renovation, cars etc. Is this a DC/NYC thing? I've seen it in guys I've casually dated, guys at work etc. -- all ages 25-35.

This is the only thing my husband is interested in talking about besides his job and our money. I gave up on conversation years ago. Yes, he’s from NY. I wish when I was young and in love I noticed that conversation is so boring with him. I also thing men from these parts of the country are bad conversationalists.

I honestly didn't realize men were that gossipy. It's like people have given women a bad name for gossiping and yet the men I run into are no better. It is very "comparative" -- other peoples' houses, jobs, money, family situations. Things that really aren't anyone's business and frankly things you don't know about others just at the surface level because no one else really knows how someone's home life really is or what stresses they really face (or don't).

Same with every man in my extended family. They are all doing well for themselves but it's like an insecurity -- they MUST talk about how they're doing better than Joe Schmoe at work or from down the block. I don't get it.

Yes, my husband is very interested in comparing.

[Anonymous]

^This. I always expected all men to be the type of guy's guy who works/earns a living and outside of that is busy doing projects, working out, watching sports etc. - to where he doesn't know or care that Bob his taking his family to Hawaii over spring break and how can he possibly afford that. My DH OTOH will sit there and price out the trip and speculate whether they are spending a bonus (which Bob couldn't possibly have gotten because he's dumb) or taking on CC debt or whether her folks are paying. I didn't expect this either and no he was NOT like that in the 5 years we dated.

[Anonymous]

We are in a period of trying to fight Mother Nature.

Mother Nature always wins and people will soon be returning to the natural and normal sex roles and will cut back on the therapist visits.

[Anonymous]

It is a common trait of women to demand feminist liberation for themselves but continue to expect men to be held to gender standards. They just want a salt of the Earth blue collar guy with a masters degree who makes six figures, doesn't worry about how he looks but somehow magically is in great shape, but is totally OK with a woman who is 40 pounds overweight. He can fix anything but still had time to read the classics and be conversant on intersectionalism. Also, he is very traditionally masculine but loves and appreciates feminism and likes it when women control him. He also has a crystal ball in his cerebellum and knows exactly when to be sexually aggressive but also when to respect a woman's boundaries and read her thoughts even when they are never actually expressed.

[Anonymous]

Part of this is an age thing: Baby Boomers had Depression era parents. Those people did things for themselves, because that's what they could afford. Some of these skills, like being able to work on cars, are already obsolete. Modern cars have computers in them, and when something goes wrong, they require expensive proprietary diagnostic equipment at the dealership. The days of the guy working on his car in his garage are over.

There are only so many hours in a day. Doctors in the midwest don't have to work as hard: there is less competition, they don't have to commute, and their COL is way lower. Maybe they can afford to take ten hours to do an amateurish job on their house. Most of the guys I know who tried to do their own home repairs (including guys from the midwest) ended up calling in professionals to clean up after them. They didn't know as much as they thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By no means am I suggesting that a guy needs to be benching his body weight; or watching 8 hrs of football per weekend; or be spitting and scratching his crotch to be a real man. But having only lived on the east coast for 2 years, I am kind of shocked by how un-manly well educated white collar professional guys are in DC and NYC. Seems like everyone's hobby is watching the news (politics in DC; CNBC in NYC). They seem incapable of fixing anything - whether it's a closet door that's off its hinge or a flat tire - they are willing to call a handy man or mechanic and are ok with that guy thinking they have no idea what to do. And they seem kind of gossipy/critical about how others are living their lives. Just seems odd to me that a guy would be ok spending his weekend reading a book and criticizing how some other dude is choosing to rent a home rather than buy. I just feel like guys back home -- including drs/lawyers/med/law students were more into sports, working out, home renovation, cars etc. Is this a DC/NYC thing? I've seen it in guys I've casually dated, guys at work etc. -- all ages 25-35.

Agree. My city boy spouse can’t do jack. I think the first time he ever mowed a lawn was our rinky dink Bethesda one. Can’t fix anything, makes things worse actually.

I grew up w engineer father and brothers and we can all fix cars, build decks, shovel off a snowy roof (Chicago), fix a toilet/sink, and whole lot of other common sense things. Plus talk and play sports. These types are out there in DC, more than Manhattan IMo but way more prevalent in other areas. No one from DC will be winning survival island.

[Anonymous]

Oh looks like I have to add that we had money, took great vacations, were in private school and went to Stanford. Dad ran startup so liked to balance cerebral software with tangible building and fixing stuff (boats, sports cars, softball league 45 yrs, racquetsports year round, scuba, house and yard building).

Could chalk it up to midwestern or German DIY pride and values?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of this is an age thing: Baby Boomers had Depression era parents. Those people did things for themselves, because that's what they could afford. Some of these skills, like being able to work on cars, are already obsolete. Modern cars have computers in them, and when something goes wrong, they require expensive proprietary diagnostic equipment at the dealership. The days of the guy working on his car in his garage are over.

There are only so many hours in a day. Doctors in the midwest don't have to work as hard: there is less competition, they don't have to commute, and their COL is way lower. Maybe they can afford to take ten hours to do an amateurish job on their house. Most of the guys I know who tried to do their own home repairs (including guys from the midwest) ended up calling in professionals to clean up after them. They didn't know as much as they thought.

Yeah the youtube videos can only do so much for a banker or consultant...

The NASA DC guys are pretty handy... and still play on their hockey and water polo leagues.

Get some hobbies guys! Real hobbies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By no means am I suggesting that a guy needs to be benching his body weight; or watching 8 hrs of football per weekend; or be spitting and scratching his crotch to be a real man. But having only lived on the east coast for 2 years, I am kind of shocked by how un-manly well educated white collar professional guys are in DC and NYC. Seems like everyone's hobby is watching the news (politics in DC; CNBC in NYC). They seem incapable of fixing anything - whether it's a closet door that's off its hinge or a flat tire - they are willing to call a handy man or mechanic and are ok with that guy thinking they have no idea what to do. And they seem kind of gossipy/critical about how others are living their lives. Just seems odd to me that a guy would be ok spending his weekend reading a book and criticizing how some other dude is choosing to rent a home rather than buy. I just feel like guys back home -- including drs/lawyers/med/law students were more into sports, working out, home renovation, cars etc. Is this a DC/NYC thing? I've seen it in guys I've casually dated, guys at work etc. -- all ages 25-35.

Wow this is very sexist. Guess you are a trump voter?

Don't try to make sexist happen here, PP

[Anonymous]

OP, this is mostly a generational thing. We now treat boys like girls. Young guys play fewer sports and are less adventureous than previous generations . Boys don't learn how to fix things like cars and houses because they are too busy studying and gaming, especially in urban areas. And then add the brainwashing by the fem Nazis, and this is what you get. It's kind of sad because it's resulted in boys missing out on a lot of valuable life experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a common trait of women to demand feminist liberation for themselves but continue to expect men to be held to gender standards. They just want a salt of the Earth blue collar guy with a masters degree who makes six figures, doesn't worry about how he looks but somehow magically is in great shape, but is totally OK with a woman who is 40 pounds overweight. He can fix anything but still had time to read the classics and be conversant on intersectionalism. Also, he is very traditionally masculine but loves and appreciates feminism and likes it when women control him. He also has a crystal ball in his cerebellum and knows exactly when to be sexually aggressive but also when to respect a woman's boundaries and read her thoughts even when they are never actually expressed.

Nope. I expect all guys to be able to earn a living (women too) - but don’t care if he has a masters or not and could care less if he has read the classics. I’m not ok being 40 pounds overweight and expect him not to be either but nor do I expect a hot body for life. I expect one of the traditional masculine traits - be it fixing things; watching sports; playing sports; and/or having some hobby that isn’t news or gossip. I don’t want to be controlled or be a mind reader and thus I don’t expect him to like those things either. You’re going all femi-nazi when others are just asking for 1-2 classically male traits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is mostly a generational thing. We now treat boys like girls. Young guys play fewer sports and are less adventureous than previous generations . Boys don't learn how to fix things like cars and houses because they are too busy studying and gaming, especially in urban areas. And then add the brainwashing by the fem Nazis, and this is what you get. It's kind of sad because it's resulted in boys missing out on a lot of valuable life experiences.

Kinda true. Everyone gets a trophy for participation, it’s never ok for a kid to be upset and we must do whatever we can to make him happy lest his self esteem be hurt, and every boy is free to cry anywhere, anytime. And mamas are ridiculously protective now. Boys must not engage in any physical activity unless there’s a class for it. There was a thread here recently re bike riding lessons!! Pretty sure kids used to figure it out without a class . . . . All of this is more common in/near the wealthier metro areas. Maybe it’s creating more confident women, but it’s creating girly boys who just aren’t as confident and competitive as a few decades ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Howdy ladies. I drive a pickup truck, chop down trees, fix vehicles, install appliances, run marathons, hunt, fish, and blow my noise with sandpaper. Please tell me where to meet a woman who appreciates a man like this?

He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he likes to pick wildflowers.
He puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars.

He's a lumberjack and he's okay
He sleeps all night and he works all day.