Teen death at Whitman?

[Anonymous]

Its the parents that say safer at my house or than somewhere else that really get me. ok, your kid is safe but not all the others. Or the ones that go ahead and serve alcohol because you know, all kids are going to do it one way or another. Or the parents that think they can leave their high school kid home overnight alone and nothing will happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its the parents that say safer at my house or than somewhere else that really get me. ok, your kid is safe but not all the others. Or the ones that go ahead and serve alcohol because you know, all kids are going to do it one way or another. Or the parents that think they can leave their high school kid home overnight alone and nothing will happen.

You realize teens go to college and stay overnight without a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Underage kids might be having sex, but they're not buying their own alcohol.

Yes they are. Either they have fake IDs or they are buying at places that don't check. Don't you remember the news story a couple of years ago about the place on Macarthur down the street from GDS that was selling to HS students? Occasionally they might have either legal siblings or siblings with fakes buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its the parents that say safer at my house or than somewhere else that really get me. ok, your kid is safe but not all the others. Or the ones that go ahead and serve alcohol because you know, all kids are going to do it one way or another. Or the parents that think they can leave their high school kid home overnight alone and nothing will happen.

You realize teens go to college and stay overnight without a parent.

Of course, but the the parents aren't providing the party house in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Underage kids might be having sex, but they're not buying their own alcohol.

Yes they are. Either they have fake IDs or they are buying at places that don't check. Don't you remember the news story a couple of years ago about the place on Macarthur down the street from GDS that was selling to HS students? Occasionally they might have either legal siblings or siblings with fakes buy it.

I teach HS students and the most common ways I hear them getting their alcohol is:

1. Slipping the cashier $20 at certain sketchy stores to just buy it themselves
2. Fake IDs
3. Paying older siblings/friends to buy it

Rarely do I hear of them stealing from parents. Definitely not whole bottles. They make themselves drinks from their parents’ supply quite often, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about his friends? Did they not have a designated semi-sober one? How are these friends doing who lost track of him? this will haunt them forever.

I've wondered this too and maybe this has written somewhere but is it not possible they were within walking distance of their homes and separated willingly? I'm not assuming earlier posts in this thread have inside info.

I know when I was a teen and a party was broken up by the cops, it was a total scramble, every-man-for-himself situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its the parents that say safer at my house or than somewhere else that really get me. ok, your kid is safe but not all the others. Or the ones that go ahead and serve alcohol because you know, all kids are going to do it one way or another. Or the parents that think they can leave their high school kid home overnight alone and nothing will happen.

You realize teens go to college and stay overnight without a parent.

Of course, but the the parents aren't providing the party house in college.

They are also not 15, 16 and 17 in college. Each extra year makes a big difference. This whole "well they are gonna do it in college so we may as well let it happen any way is garbage." When you are in college, you get to live like a college student. When you are a high school student you get to live like a child at home. And you are a terrible person if you let other people's children drink or do drugs at your home. You don't know anything about this kid. You don't know what problems they have. You don't know if they are on meds. You don't know if they suffer from depression or have a family history of alcoholism. Do whatever you want with your kids but you do not have the right to make that choice for someone else's child. You do not!

[Anonymous]

I drank in high school and never once did my or anyone else’s parents buy me booze. You are crazy if you think “cool parents” are throwing keg parties for high school kids. We bought the vast majority of the alcohol consumed ourselves at stores that didn’t GAF. The rich kids had parents who went out of town and left the kids home alone. THAT is when the big parties happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I drank in high school and never once did my or anyone else’s parents buy me booze. You are crazy if you think “cool parents” are throwing keg parties for high school kids. We bought the vast majority of the alcohol consumed ourselves at stores that didn’t GAF. The rich kids had parents who went out of town and left the kids home alone. THAT is when the big parties happened.

I know many kids who parents did buy alcohol for homecoming and prom after parties and for beach week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Party with drinking was broken up by parents or cops. Kids fled. This teen never made it home. SO tragic. Many teens drink...almost none end up fleeing a party and freezing in the woods. This is tragic for this family. Just an accident.

Wow so sad for the family. Makes me angry with the party house parents that allowed the drinking to happen in their home -- either directly knowing about it or indirectly by turning a blind eye.

They may not have known. Sometimes the parents aren't even home when parties happen.

Then they should have known what their kid was up to, it's their job as parents. There are no longer excuses for these parties, especially in this area where they have been screamed about for years. You would have to be deaf, dumb and blind to not know if your kid were capable of hosting something like this.

I agree. If you're buying alcohol you're not drinking, then you need to figure out who is drinking it.

Stupid parenting 101, oops, sorry your kid died. Parents can be sh*ts b/c they don't want their kids to be unpopular so they provide alcohol.

I'm sorry, but you are being a sanctimonious twit. You have no idea what you're talking about. You have no idea how they got the alcohol and quite likely no parents were involved at all. Weren't you ever a teenager? My parents were incredibly strict, never let me have alcohol, never left me home alone in high school and believe me I got into plenty of trouble involving alcohol and they had no idea. Kids are very good at lying and covering their tracks--even good kids with good grades (maybe even easier for them in some ways), and it's super easy to get alcohol. I would think it's even easier for kids to get away with stuff now then when I was a teenager now that they all have smartphones. We're talking about someone who is one year away from college for god's sake. Your teenager is probably not as angelic as you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Underage kids might be having sex, but they're not buying their own alcohol.

Yes they are. Either they have fake IDs or they are buying at places that don't check. Don't you remember the news story a couple of years ago about the place on Macarthur down the street from GDS that was selling to HS students? Occasionally they might have either legal siblings or siblings with fakes buy it.

I teach HS students and the most common ways I hear them getting their alcohol is:

1. Slipping the cashier $20 at certain sketchy stores to just buy it themselves
2. Fake IDs
3. Paying older siblings/friends to buy it

Rarely do I hear of them stealing from parents. Definitely not whole bottles. They make themselves drinks from their parents’ supply quite often, though.

Who cares what you "hear?"

The FACTS are that under aged drinkers are getting alcohol from parents,

"The finding that high school students who drink usually obtain alcohol from others, potentially including parents and guardians, is consistent with the state-specific relationship between youth and adult drinking (7). Policies affecting adults’ alcohol consumption have also been shown to reduce youth alcohol consumption significantly, and alcohol policies affecting the price and availability of alcohol consumption have been found to have the greatest impact on binge drinking by adults (8)."

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/66/wr/mm6618a4.htm

Parents are failing kids by buying them alcohol. Binge drinkers aren't splitting a six pack behind the 7-11, they're getting drunk off their asses from alcohol provided by adults at parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Underage kids might be having sex, but they're not buying their own alcohol.

Yes they are. Either they have fake IDs or they are buying at places that don't check. Don't you remember the news story a couple of years ago about the place on Macarthur down the street from GDS that was selling to HS students? Occasionally they might have either legal siblings or siblings with fakes buy it.

I teach HS students and the most common ways I hear them getting their alcohol is:

1. Slipping the cashier $20 at certain sketchy stores to just buy it themselves
2. Fake IDs
3. Paying older siblings/friends to buy it

Rarely do I hear of them stealing from parents. Definitely not whole bottles. They make themselves drinks from their parents’ supply quite often, though.

Who cares what you "hear?"

The FACTS are that under aged drinkers are getting alcohol from parents,

"The finding that high school students who drink usually obtain alcohol from others, potentially including parents and guardians, is consistent with the state-specific relationship between youth and adult drinking (7). Policies affecting adults’ alcohol consumption have also been shown to reduce youth alcohol consumption significantly, and alcohol policies affecting the price and availability of alcohol consumption have been found to have the greatest impact on binge drinking by adults (8)."

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/66/wr/mm6618a4.htm

Parents are failing kids by buying them alcohol. Binge drinkers aren't splitting a six pack behind the 7-11, they're getting drunk off their asses from alcohol provided by adults at parties.

Potentially is a far cry from definitely.

[Anonymous]

Parents should be installing cameras like the ring doorbell or other cameras on their front and back doors, also in basement or rec room. This will keep them informed as to what is going on, who is entering their house and also might dissuade their kids from doing things they shouldn't be doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about his friends? Did they not have a designated semi-sober one? How are these friends doing who lost track of him? this will haunt them forever.

I've wondered this too and maybe this has written somewhere but is it not possible they were within walking distance of their homes and separated willingly? I'm not assuming earlier posts in this thread have inside info.

Yes, I think that's the issue. I don't think most kids would think they needed a designated walker, right? Probably thought as long as no cars were involved, there was no risk of danger.

He was walking distance from his home... well walking distance for a teenager, not me. It was about 1.5 miles away. I live in the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will most definitely not be the "cool" parent who allows my teen to let his friends drink at our house. Unbelievable how stupid some parents are.

We have no idea what happened here but the lack of a sheltered place to drink possibly combined with fear of a parent finding out about drinking may have been what caused this to happen. Or a kid could have been so drunk they could not get themselves home safely which was far more likely at an unattended party.

Teenagers will drink. And teenagers will have sex.

The challenge is to make sure when they do either they do it responsibly and safely.

You can be self righteous and pretend otherwise but you are far more likely to fail as a parent if you are busy pretending your lecturing is going to keep them safe rather than putting the structure in their lives to minimize the chance of something terrible happening.

NP. But they shouldn't. And I refuse to give into this "boys will be boys" mentality. I'm sure you love being the cool parent but you are doing your kids no favors.

+1. Not all high school kids drink. Not all high school kids are sexually active. And their peer group has a lot to do with whether your kids drink and have sex. You can’t choose your high school kids friends. But you can influence who they become friends with. Both by raising them to be kids who think it is more important to have friends who are nice than friends who are cool. And by making it hard for your kids to be too “cool”. Just because “everyone” has something, or does something, doesn’t mean you have to buy it for your kid or let your kid do it.