What's it like to be married to someone with a big job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you define "big job"? My husband is the managing director of an asset management firm with over $2B in assets (which is a lot for a small company with only 6 employees). He's still home for dinner every night at 6/6:30 and a hands on parent who goes to all the therapy appointments (we have a child with SN), teacher conferences, school events, games, sporting events, etc. etc. I SAH with our 4 kids but he's 50/50 when he is home. We split shifts when our kids were babies/toddlers and he handled just as many night wake ups as I did. He's a wonderful husband who makes sure he tells me that he values what I do and never makes me feel "less than" and a very caring father.

How much does he make? Having only 6 employees sounds like quite a small firm...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you define "big job"? My husband is the managing director of an asset management firm with over $2B in assets (which is a lot for a small company with only 6 employees). He's still home for dinner every night at 6/6:30 and a hands on parent who goes to all the therapy appointments (we have a child with SN), teacher conferences, school events, games, sporting events, etc. etc. I SAH with our 4 kids but he's 50/50 when he is home. We split shifts when our kids were babies/toddlers and he handled just as many night wake ups as I did. He's a wonderful husband who makes sure he tells me that he values what I do and never makes me feel "less than" and a very caring father.

How much does he make? Having only 6 employees sounds like quite a small firm...

high six/low seven depending on how the market is doing. They outsource all their back office type stuff to save on payroll, allowing them to charge lower fees to investors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently met a man who explained his situation as " I live in the city because I work a lot . . . kids live in the country with my their mom." I didn't ask questions. Very well know in his field. I suspect the mom doesn't ask questions either.

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in other words, they have an arrangement, not a loving marriage

Very common in these situations.

How do you know it's very common? Do you know many personally...?

I do. Also, this thread...

Well, dish! We want to hear the stories.

There are a couple of us responding on this thread. I think the "I do" poster is a man. I am the person who posted the original message. I cannot dish any in details. For him, I am very different than the "mom in the country." I am very transparent, and very honest. He can trust me. He is very dominant and I do not mind. My day job consists of me being a deadline-driven leader. When he corresponds, there are no games. I wait, he doesn't. It's not about money, I have my own. I say "Yes" more than anything and he has always had my best interest in mind. When we are together he loves to hear me talk as much as he talks. Intimately, he is a pleaser, so everything is great on that end.

I am very fit, tall, better than average looks, educated, and very outgoing. I am a African American, he is not. If he asks a question, I reply honestly. He says that he is comfortable with me. When a man travels in those circles, it is important to be honest, open and transparent because it is not something they get from their day job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently met a man who explained his situation as " I live in the city because I work a lot . . . kids live in the country with my their mom." I didn't ask questions. Very well know in his field. I suspect the mom doesn't ask questions either.

\

in other words, they have an arrangement, not a loving marriage

Very common in these situations.

How do you know it's very common? Do you know many personally...?

I do. Also, this thread...

Well, dish! We want to hear the stories.

There are a couple of us responding on this thread. I think the "I do" poster is a man. I am the person who posted the original message. I cannot dish any in details. For him, I am very different than the "mom in the country." I am very transparent, and very honest. He can trust me. He is very dominant and I do not mind. My day job consists of me being a deadline-driven leader. When he corresponds, there are no games. I wait, he doesn't. It's not about money, I have my own. I say "Yes" more than anything and he has always had my best interest in mind. When we are together he loves to hear me talk as much as he talks. Intimately, he is a pleaser, so everything is great on that end.

I am very fit, tall, better than average looks, educated, and very outgoing. I am a African American, he is not. If he asks a question, I reply honestly. He says that he is comfortable with me. When a man travels in those circles, it is important to be honest, open and transparent because it is not something they get from their day job.

So you are the second wife? Or his secretary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently met a man who explained his situation as " I live in the city because I work a lot . . . kids live in the country with my their mom." I didn't ask questions. Very well know in his field. I suspect the mom doesn't ask questions either.

\

in other words, they have an arrangement, not a loving marriage

Very common in these situations.

How do you know it's very common? Do you know many personally...?

I do. Also, this thread...

Well, dish! We want to hear the stories.

There are a couple of us responding on this thread. I think the "I do" poster is a man. I am the person who posted the original message. I cannot dish any in details. For him, I am very different than the "mom in the country." I am very transparent, and very honest. He can trust me. He is very dominant and I do not mind. My day job consists of me being a deadline-driven leader. When he corresponds, there are no games. I wait, he doesn't. It's not about money, I have my own. I say "Yes" more than anything and he has always had my best interest in mind. When we are together he loves to hear me talk as much as he talks. Intimately, he is a pleaser, so everything is great on that end.

I am very fit, tall, better than average looks, educated, and very outgoing. I am a African American, he is not. If he asks a question, I reply honestly. He says that he is comfortable with me. When a man travels in those circles, it is important to be honest, open and transparent because it is not something they get from their day job.

So you are the second wife? Or his secretary?

No, I am neither.

[Anonymous]

I have a family member who was Vice President...of a large country.

[Anonymous]

Some of the responses in this thread (head of a 6 person company, biglaw partner) aren't really "big" jobs in the sense the OP was asking about. VP of a large country? That might be more like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you define "big job"? My husband is the managing director of an asset management firm with over $2B in assets (which is a lot for a small company with only 6 employees). He's still home for dinner every night at 6/6:30 and a hands on parent who goes to all the therapy appointments (we have a child with SN), teacher conferences, school events, games, sporting events, etc. etc. I SAH with our 4 kids but he's 50/50 when he is home. We split shifts when our kids were babies/toddlers and he handled just as many night wake ups as I did. He's a wonderful husband who makes sure he tells me that he values what I do and never makes me feel "less than" and a very caring father.

How much does he make? Having only 6 employees sounds like quite a small firm...

high six/low seven depending on how the market is doing. They outsource all their back office type stuff to save on payroll, allowing them to charge lower fees to investors.

That isn't really a "big" job in the sense the OP was talking about...that's more on a par with the law firm partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the responses in this thread (head of a 6 person company, biglaw partner) aren't really "big" jobs in the sense the OP was asking about. VP of a large country? That might be more like it.

Agree. Think OP was asking about extraordinary positions like CEO for a large corporation, ambassador, etc.

[Anonymous]

With high-powered positions which require a lot if travel and socializing, it is very difficult for the other spouse to hold down a regular job and have a normal home life. Something has to give, and it is not surprising that these people are on the second or third marriages and/or are not present for their children. The ones I see that have worked are those which have a very supportive spouse and a lot of outsourcing of household and childcare responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

My Dad was the CEO of companies ranging from something like $150 million to over $3 billion so I can safely say he had a big job. He traveled a good amount and usually didn't get home from work until 7:30 so we didn't have family dinners during the week. But when he was home he rarely did any work and he rarely did work on weekends. He spent his home time with my mom and with us and always attended our weekend sports events. He rarely made our weekday sports events but we understood why - he had a big job. He was really great! Now he's retired and he spends a ton of time with his grandchildren especially driving them to and from pre-school. My 4 YO son hangs out with him a lot just doing guy stuff. And my mom still adores him!

[Anonymous]

My husband has a pretty big job I guess. He’s not CEO, but he’s a top exec at a major company with 70,000 employees. I don’t know how he does it, but he’s home by 6 or 7 at night and helps me a ton with the kids and the dog. He never misses a P/T conference or a sporting event or whatever the kids have.

We have dinner together as a family most nights, too unless he is traveling or the kids have a game or some other kind of event.

He does travel a bunch, but tries to do as many day trips as possible.

Our marriage is great. We do date nights a lot and try to take trips without the kids 1-2x a year. We are both also good at communicating and I think that helps a lot.

I also work, but have a very flexible schedule. My income is not insignificant at all, but we could still live a good life without it. I like working, though. We don’t have nannies or a housekeeper. Never have. That’s not who we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a pretty big job I guess. He’s not CEO, but he’s a top exec at a major company with 70,000 employees. I don’t know how he does it, but he’s home by 6 or 7 at night and helps me a ton with the kids and the dog. He never misses a P/T conference or a sporting event or whatever the kids have.

We have dinner together as a family most nights, too unless he is traveling or the kids have a game or some other kind of event.

He does travel a bunch, but tries to do as many day trips as possible.

Our marriage is great. We do date nights a lot and try to take trips without the kids 1-2x a year. We are both also good at communicating and I think that helps a lot.

I also work, but have a very flexible schedule. My income is not insignificant at all, but we could still live a good life without it. I like working, though. We don’t have nannies or a housekeeper. Never have. That’s not who we are.

So who watches the kids when you take your trips?

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP whose grandfather was a top national politician (large country). There were multiple assassination attempts on his life, and his wife and kids never left the home/compound without multiple security guards, drivers, etc. They never set foot outside on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a pretty big job I guess. He’s not CEO, but he’s a top exec at a major company with 70,000 employees. I don’t know how he does it, but he’s home by 6 or 7 at night and helps me a ton with the kids and the dog. He never misses a P/T conference or a sporting event or whatever the kids have.

We have dinner together as a family most nights, too unless he is traveling or the kids have a game or some other kind of event.

He does travel a bunch, but tries to do as many day trips as possible.

Our marriage is great. We do date nights a lot and try to take trips without the kids 1-2x a year. We are both also good at communicating and I think that helps a lot.

I also work, but have a very flexible schedule. My income is not insignificant at all, but we could still live a good life without it. I like working, though. We don’t have nannies or a housekeeper. Never have. That’s not who we are.

So you are people who don't need childcare?