What's it like to be married to someone with a big job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a pretty big job I guess. He’s not CEO, but he’s a top exec at a major company with 70,000 employees. I don’t know how he does it, but he’s home by 6 or 7 at night and helps me a ton with the kids and the dog. He never misses a P/T conference or a sporting event or whatever the kids have.

We have dinner together as a family most nights, too unless he is traveling or the kids have a game or some other kind of event.

He does travel a bunch, but tries to do as many day trips as possible.

Our marriage is great. We do date nights a lot and try to take trips without the kids 1-2x a year. We are both also good at communicating and I think that helps a lot.

I also work, but have a very flexible schedule. My income is not insignificant at all, but we could still live a good life without it. I like working, though. We don’t have nannies or a housekeeper. Never have. That’s not who we are.

So you are people who don't need childcare?

Kids are in school. I only work when they’re at school. Kids stay with grandparents when we travel. When the kids were little I had 12 hours of babysitting a week over three days so I could work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you define "big job"? My husband is the managing director of an asset management firm with over $2B in assets (which is a lot for a small company with only 6 employees). He's still home for dinner every night at 6/6:30 and a hands on parent who goes to all the therapy appointments (we have a child with SN), teacher conferences, school events, games, sporting events, etc. etc. I SAH with our 4 kids but he's 50/50 when he is home. We split shifts when our kids were babies/toddlers and he handled just as many night wake ups as I did. He's a wonderful husband who makes sure he tells me that he values what I do and never makes me feel "less than" and a very caring father.

How much does he make? Having only 6 employees sounds like quite a small firm...

high six/low seven depending on how the market is doing. They outsource all their back office type stuff to save on payroll, allowing them to charge lower fees to investors.

That isn't really a "big" job in the sense the OP was talking about...that's more on a par with the law firm partner.

NP. I thought she meant it more in the sense that he's personally responsible for managing over $2 BILLION dollars of other people's money. That's stressful.

[Anonymous]

^ It's probably a hedge fund or some kind of quant fund. You don't need a lot of employees to run those kinds of portfolios and you can make a LOT of money doing it obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has a clout job. He travels and is rarely home. I take care of everything relating to kids, home, school, family travels, social friendships, family relationships... he just shows up where I want him to. I don't work based on his desire. It has been this way for 20+ years. I don't know how we/I survived this but we're college sweethearts and have deep affections for him. However, it has been very hard and I've been unclear angry, particularly when we were younger. Then I decided the stability of our family life was squarely on my lap wether it was convenient or not, and so I accepted my lot and made it work. The kids are grateful and thriving.

We have family friends who are both in high powered jobs and like a previous pp said, the kids are being raised by nannies or are sent to boarding school when they start being to demanding - the parents only have yes men around them at work, real life is challenging to them. The kids are left with nannies for weeks at the time when they travel abroad. In my opinion, you CANNOT have everything, no matter what you're told. You have to go into this lifestyle being realistic and comfortable with the sacrifices.

Sounds like you're relatively content with how things turned out, given the circumstances. Do you think you'll stay married when the kids go to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you define "big job"? My husband is the managing director of an asset management firm with over $2B in assets (which is a lot for a small company with only 6 employees). He's still home for dinner every night at 6/6:30 and a hands on parent who goes to all the therapy appointments (we have a child with SN), teacher conferences, school events, games, sporting events, etc. etc. I SAH with our 4 kids but he's 50/50 when he is home. We split shifts when our kids were babies/toddlers and he handled just as many night wake ups as I did. He's a wonderful husband who makes sure he tells me that he values what I do and never makes me feel "less than" and a very caring father.

How much does he make? Having only 6 employees sounds like quite a small firm...

high six/low seven depending on how the market is doing. They outsource all their back office type stuff to save on payroll, allowing them to charge lower fees to investors.

That isn't really a "big" job in the sense the OP was talking about...that's more on a par with the law firm partner.

NP. I thought she meant it more in the sense that he's personally responsible for managing over $2 BILLION dollars of other people's money. That's stressful.

PP here. Yes this is what I meant, that he's managing this much money. He says he doesn't think about it like that - he says he thinks about it in terms of units, not dollars - but I don't know how you could not. You have to learn to not react to every little hiccup in the market but I know I could never do that. I'd be freaking out all the time.

[Anonymous]

I have a really good friend who's been CEO of 3 very large companies that we've all heard of. He's been married 3 times. He's super happy with his 3rd wife. He basically says that you have to marry someone willing to live that life. He married his first wife straight out of college. She did not sign up for all of that. They moved a thousand times and she was just a sweet simple woman. He respects her a great deal and they are still friends. She is the mother of his kids.

He talks about how his third wife is the type of woman who can live that life. He adores her, but she has her career and he has his. He tries like hell to get home when he can. He always tells me that no matter how big the job is, when there is something good to go home to, you bust your ass to get there.

Sure, they live in a penthouse in Atlanta and live the life. I will tell you that his first 2 wives got 7 figure settlements. He still cries a little about that. He doesn't mind the first wife, but the SECOND!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW has a big job. DD6 is at school so here I am killing time until I pick her up. Over the course of the past 18 months I seem to be treated more as the assistant to the house then a husband. The one day a week she is home for a family dinner at the table she is on the phone the entire time. Movie night is spent the entire time on the laptop. DD falls asleep every night is my arms crying for her mother. I get screamed at for not telling her the phone is ringing when she is in the shower.
The biggest thing is even when she is physically at home it seems as if she is completely checked out and all her thoughts and energy are on work.

And her AP, probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a really good friend who's been CEO of 3 very large companies that we've all heard of. He's been married 3 times. He's super happy with his 3rd wife. He basically says that you have to marry someone willing to live that life. He married his first wife straight out of college. She did not sign up for all of that. They moved a thousand times and she was just a sweet simple woman. He respects her a great deal and they are still friends. She is the mother of his kids.

He talks about how his third wife is the type of woman who can live that life. He adores her, but she has her career and he has his. He tries like hell to get home when he can. He always tells me that no matter how big the job is, when there is something good to go home to, you bust your ass to get there.

Sure, they live in a penthouse in Atlanta and live the life. I will tell you that his first 2 wives got 7 figure settlements. He still cries a little about that. He doesn't mind the first wife, but the SECOND!

This is kind of sweet in a weird way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a really good friend who's been CEO of 3 very large companies that we've all heard of. He's been married 3 times. He's super happy with his 3rd wife. He basically says that you have to marry someone willing to live that life. He married his first wife straight out of college. She did not sign up for all of that. They moved a thousand times and she was just a sweet simple woman. He respects her a great deal and they are still friends. She is the mother of his kids.

He talks about how his third wife is the type of woman who can live that life. He adores her, but she has her career and he has his. He tries like hell to get home when he can. He always tells me that no matter how big the job is, when there is something good to go home to, you bust your ass to get there.

Sure, they live in a penthouse in Atlanta and live the life. I will tell you that his first 2 wives got 7 figure settlements. He still cries a little about that. He doesn't mind the first wife, but the SECOND!

The second one is always the problem. See Donald Trump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has a clout job. He travels and is rarely home. I take care of everything relating to kids, home, school, family travels, social friendships, family relationships... he just shows up where I want him to. I don't work based on his desire. It has been this way for 20+ years. I don't know how we/I survived this but we're college sweethearts and have deep affections for him. However, it has been very hard and I've been unclear angry, particularly when we were younger. Then I decided the stability of our family life was squarely on my lap wether it was convenient or not, and so I accepted my lot and made it work. The kids are grateful and thriving.

We have family friends who are both in high powered jobs and like a previous pp said, the kids are being raised by nannies or are sent to boarding school when they start being to demanding - the parents only have yes men around them at work, real life is challenging to them. The kids are left with nannies for weeks at the time when they travel abroad. In my opinion, you CANNOT have everything, no matter what you're told. You have to go into this lifestyle being realistic and comfortable with the sacrifices.

I hear ya - same exact boat and I’ve come to a similar perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it to be lonely. My spouse misses almost all school events, sports practices, games and teacher conferences. I end up resentful because despite frequent promises to be home *early* (7pm) at least once week, the kids and I rarely see DH before 8/9pm.

Me too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it to be lonely. My spouse misses almost all school events, sports practices, games and teacher conferences. I end up resentful because despite frequent promises to be home *early* (7pm) at least once week, the kids and I rarely see DH before 8/9pm.

Me too

Why not just have DH ramp down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it to be lonely. My spouse misses almost all school events, sports practices, games and teacher conferences. I end up resentful because despite frequent promises to be home *early* (7pm) at least once week, the kids and I rarely see DH before 8/9pm.

Me too

Why not just have DH ramp down?

NP here, but I cant really tell my husband what to do with his career. I can tell him that I would like for him to ramp down, but that doesn't mean he is going to listen to me. I can threaten divorce, but he knows that it's empty because I love him and I don't want to lose time with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandfather had an extremely big job. His wife and kids didn't see him for very long periods of time, and his kids were mostly raised by nannies, etc.

What did he do?

General in the military followed by a successful political career.

Was it Eisenhower?

[Anonymous]

I have a Mom friend who is married to a CEO of a national cable company. They used to live in DC but have moved on. He was in the service (army?) prior to this cable co. He's a straight arrow and very capable. Definitely landed in the right role.

My friend is his second wife and they have two kids. She worked when they met but then gave it up and did the corporate board thing. She is kind of at his beck & call. He'll call at 3 and say there's a business dinner where he'll have to entertain and she needs to have childcare at the ready and hair & make-up done for a night out. She's no dummy but I suppose they both think she has to look a certain way.

He is very driven and spends his weekends on the sidelines of his kids sports events. He's got high expectations for them. They got to go to the Olympics which I thought was super cool!