What's it like to be married to someone with a big job?

[Anonymous]

I knew somebody growing up whose dad had a big job. He had another family in another country. She knew about it and referred to her half-sibling as the concubine's child. Her dad was never home. Her mom always seemed sad to me.

[Anonymous]

Husband is a partner in a High Powered Big Law firm. The prestige is good, the money is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband is a partner in a High Powered Big Law firm. The prestige is good, the money is better.

Who finds big law partners prestigious? I've always thought they were a dime a dozen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is a partner in a High Powered Big Law firm. The prestige is good, the money is better.

Who finds big law partners prestigious? I've always thought they were a dime a dozen.

it's a big job for small people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is a partner in a High Powered Big Law firm. The prestige is good, the money is better.

Who finds big law partners prestigious? I've always thought they were a dime a dozen.

Within the legal world, it’s a relative big deal. Given that lawyers are prestige obsessed strivers, they make it a big deal among themselves. The rest of the world barely cares. I remember a friend high up in banking calling me up once and asking me if I had ever heard of some “clown law firm named Cravath” and if I knew anything about them. That cemented for me that the outside world doesn’t care about lawyer prestige.

[Anonymous]

It's just money. He is the 2nd richest men on earth.

[Anonymous]

My DH.

However, HQ is located in NYC. We live near a private airport and he flies up to NY a few times a week, sometimes up and back on the same day (he has his pilots license and loves it). He also WFH a decent amount. We spend summers at a summer home in Maine. We are away as a family all of the school breaks. DH is always home on the weekends and attends every single one of our kids sporting events. It is a good life. I feel very lucky and think I probably spend more time with my spouse than most people regardless of job type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW has a big job. DD6 is at school so here I am killing time until I pick her up. Over the course of the past 18 months I seem to be treated more as the assistant to the house then a husband. The one day a week she is home for a family dinner at the table she is on the phone the entire time. Movie night is spent the entire time on the laptop. DD falls asleep every night is my arms crying for her mother. I get screamed at for not telling her the phone is ringing when she is in the shower.
The biggest thing is even when she is physically at home it seems as if she is completely checked out and all her thoughts and energy are on work.

... this sounds miserable. What exactly does DW do that requires her to be on he phone all the time?!??

I think that is actually pretty common but it is usually the man with the big job and tons of people give men a pass for that crap. Sorry PP. that sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is a partner in a High Powered Big Law firm. The prestige is good, the money is better.

Who finds big law partners prestigious? I've always thought they were a dime a dozen.

Within the legal world, it’s a relative big deal. Given that lawyers are prestige obsessed strivers, they make it a big deal among themselves. The rest of the world barely cares. I remember a friend high up in banking calling me up once and asking me if I had ever heard of some “clown law firm named Cravath” and if I knew anything about them. That cemented for me that the outside world doesn’t care about lawyer prestige.

No it isn’t. Op is asking about people with jobs at an entirely different level. Biglaw firms are a dime a dozen, even the most prestigious firms have dozens of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is a partner in a High Powered Big Law firm. The prestige is good, the money is better.

Who finds big law partners prestigious? I've always thought they were a dime a dozen.

it's a big job for small people

There was a DCUM mega thread about a different type of social class model (not lower-middle-upper but I think it was Labor-Gentry-Elite). Anyway the thing that stuck with me from it was the description of BigLaw as basically servants of the rich - so "elite" but "elite servants." It is so true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW has a big job. DD6 is at school so here I am killing time until I pick her up. Over the course of the past 18 months I seem to be treated more as the assistant to the house then a husband. The one day a week she is home for a family dinner at the table she is on the phone the entire time. Movie night is spent the entire time on the laptop. DD falls asleep every night is my arms crying for her mother. I get screamed at for not telling her the phone is ringing when she is in the shower.
The biggest thing is even when she is physically at home it seems as if she is completely checked out and all her thoughts and energy are on work.

... this sounds miserable. What exactly does DW do that requires her to be on he phone all the time?!??

I think that is actually pretty common but it is usually the man with the big job and tons of people give men a pass for that crap. Sorry PP. that sucks.

+1. Your poor DD. This is really sad. Your wife will pay for this one day.

[Anonymous]

DH has a clout job. He travels and is rarely home. I take care of everything relating to kids, home, school, family travels, social friendships, family relationships... he just shows up where I want him to. I don't work based on his desire. It has been this way for 20+ years. I don't know how we/I survived this but we're college sweethearts and have deep affections for him. However, it has been very hard and I've been unclear angry, particularly when we were younger. Then I decided the stability of our family life was squarely on my lap wether it was convenient or not, and so I accepted my lot and made it work. The kids are grateful and thriving.

We have family friends who are both in high powered jobs and like a previous pp said, the kids are being raised by nannies or are sent to boarding school when they start being to demanding - the parents only have yes men around them at work, real life is challenging to them. The kids are left with nannies for weeks at the time when they travel abroad. In my opinion, you CANNOT have everything, no matter what you're told. You have to go into this lifestyle being realistic and comfortable with the sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW has a big job. DD6 is at school so here I am killing time until I pick her up. Over the course of the past 18 months I seem to be treated more as the assistant to the house then a husband. The one day a week she is home for a family dinner at the table she is on the phone the entire time. Movie night is spent the entire time on the laptop. DD falls asleep every night is my arms crying for her mother. I get screamed at for not telling her the phone is ringing when she is in the shower.
The biggest thing is even when she is physically at home it seems as if she is completely checked out and all her thoughts and energy are on work.

Have you talked to her about his? I’ve been guilty of treating my husband this way myself. He spelled out for me how my actions made him feel. I changed— left phone in my purse at night; made a point to call him at least once during the day from work; etc.

[Anonymous]

How do you define "big job"? My husband is the managing director of an asset management firm with over $2B in assets (which is a lot for a small company with only 6 employees). He's still home for dinner every night at 6/6:30 and a hands on parent who goes to all the therapy appointments (we have a child with SN), teacher conferences, school events, games, sporting events, etc. etc. I SAH with our 4 kids but he's 50/50 when he is home. We split shifts when our kids were babies/toddlers and he handled just as many night wake ups as I did. He's a wonderful husband who makes sure he tells me that he values what I do and never makes me feel "less than" and a very caring father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH.

However, HQ is located in NYC. We live near a private airport and he flies up to NY a few times a week, sometimes up and back on the same day (he has his pilots license and loves it). He also WFH a decent amount. We spend summers at a summer home in Maine. We are away as a family all of the school breaks. DH is always home on the weekends and attends every single one of our kids sporting events. It is a good life. I feel very lucky and think I probably spend more time with my spouse than most people regardless of job type.

This sounds ideal. Especially not having to fly commercial. Saves a ton of time, plus makes family time and vacations much easier.