New husband was a douche on wedding night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You both sound way too immature to be married.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound way too immature to be married.

This

Especially him.

[Anonymous]

So either a) this was a one time occurrence, in which case you are over reacting to someone who (understandably) got drunk and had fun on his wedding night

Or

b) this is a regular occurrence, in which case you married someone with s drinking problem that you knew about.

In scenario a I think he should leave you.

In scenario b I think you should leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So either a) this was a one time occurrence, in which case you are over reacting to someone who (understandably) got drunk and had fun on his wedding night

Or

b) this is a regular occurrence, in which case you married someone with s drinking problem that you knew about.

In scenario a I think he should leave you.

In scenario b I think you should leave him.

Doesn't matter if it was a one time occurence, still unacceptable, especially since it was their wedding night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So either a) this was a one time occurrence, in which case you are over reacting to someone who (understandably) got drunk and had fun on his wedding night

Or

b) this is a regular occurrence, in which case you married someone with s drinking problem that you knew about.

In scenario a I think he should leave you.

In scenario b I think you should leave him.

Doesn't matter if it was a one time occurence, still unacceptable, especially since it was their wedding night.

You need a lesson in stick removal from one’s rectum.

[Anonymous]

OP, I do think you just need to leave. Screw this. I had a bad marriage full of similar feelings. The second some jerk starts acting weird, I am gone. Never will I do this again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On our wedding night a few months ago, my Newly minted husband got super drunk and could hardly walk. I had to drag him back to our suite. As we were walking back I told him I was so embarrassed and disappointed that he got so drunk on our wedding night. He got angry and yelled at me on the street and goes and tells our friends that I am "picking" a fight. I finally manage to bring him to our suite where he is too drunk to unbutton my dress. When I say anything about anything about being disappointed, he says shortly that our marriage won't work if I keep picking on him.

I cried asleep on my wedding night.

The next morning when I told him I was hurt and disappointed, he loses his temper again and says I am picking on him for having a good time. We weee fighting all through breakfast.

I am so angry and hurt over all that he did to ruin our wedding night and day after. I don't know how I can forgive him. I feel humiliated, disrespected and unloved. The worst part is he didn't even apologize the next morning or for a few days after I repeatedly sat down and reminded him that this was unacceptable.

I want to leave him.

Jesus, you repeatedly badgered after the fact? Heck, HE should run for the hills

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I do think you just need to leave. Screw this. I had a bad marriage full of similar feelings. The second some jerk starts acting weird, I am gone. Never will I do this again.

+1

Trust your gut. He sounds very damaged.

[Anonymous]

DH and I stayed in a hotel in Cancun, and I remember seeing a bride in her beautiful gown berating her brand new DH for being drunk. They got into a screaming match, said horrible things. Two days later we saw them lounged out acting totally in love. Alcohol makes people crazy, I would talk with him about that, but work on things.

[Anonymous]

Manbaby score: 9/10

Run far and fast away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let's assume for the sake of argument that it was wrong of him to get drunk that night (leaving aside the fact that it's easy to get unintentionally drunk at your wedding between the toasts, everyone wanting to have a drink with you, not eating enough due to nerves/things to do earlier in the day, and then talking to everyone instead of eating at the reception). Do you see how you ratcheted up the drama dramatically both on your wedding night and in the days/months after? You berated him in front of friends for being drunk knowing, I assume, that you weren't going to get a calm, considered discussion of the issue out of a drunk person. And then when that didn't go well, you continued to berate him the rest of the night about it, and then picked up again pretty much as soon as he woke up the next morning. Maybe next time at least let a person get a cup of coffee before you start listing all the ways they screwed up? And then, because you really needed your pound of flesh on this issue, you kept sitting him down over and over again in the days that followed to tell him how unacceptable his behavior was to you. All because he had too much to drink on your wedding night, something that you have already admitted is not out of character for him, and thus should have been readily foreseeable by you. Your wedding night was probably just as much ruined for him by your behavior as it was ruined for you by his.

I get that you want an apology from him. Did you ever consider breaking the ice by apologizing for your own poor behavior first?

Adding to this, none of what I said above is intended to suggest that his behavior was above reproach and that he has nothing to apologize for. He certainly has his role in it as well, and if he can't acknowledge that, then maybe leaving is the right thing. But you have a big piece of this to own as well, and if you don't do a bit of self-examination to understand how you're contributing to this dynamic, leaving him probably just means landing in another disappointing relationship later.

Well said!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Also, the people focusing on you mad about him getting drunk are missing the point. It is that he was totally unapologetic that he upset you. If this were me, and it well could have been, I would have said I was really sorry I got out of hand.


Well if he feels she was irrationally upset (which it sounds like to me, and yes I am a woman) then he shouldn’t apologize for anything.


+1. She berated a drunk man in public in front of his friends, saying she was embarassed and disappointed, and she expected this drunk man to take that peacefully.

Yeah, I can't believe she thought engaging with a drunk guy was going to go well. Too bad she just couldn't have enjoyed the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Also, the people focusing on you mad about him getting drunk are missing the point. It is that he was totally unapologetic that he upset you. If this were me, and it well could have been, I would have said I was really sorry I got out of hand.


Well if he feels she was irrationally upset (which it sounds like to me, and yes I am a woman) then he shouldn’t apologize for anything.


+1. She berated a drunk man in public in front of his friends, saying she was embarassed and disappointed, and she expected this drunk man to take that peacefully.

Yeah, I can't believe she thought engaging with a drunk guy was going to go well. Too bad she just couldn't have enjoyed the night.

$10 OP hates fun and is the chick who can't get through a girls night without some kind of drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On our wedding night a few months ago, my Newly minted husband got super drunk and could hardly walk. I had to drag him back to our suite. As we were walking back I told him I was so embarrassed and disappointed that he got so drunk on our wedding night. He got angry and yelled at me on the street and goes and tells our friends that I am "picking" a fight. I finally manage to bring him to our suite where he is too drunk to unbutton my dress. When I say anything about anything about being disappointed, he says shortly that our marriage won't work if I keep picking on him.

I cried asleep on my wedding night.

The next morning when I told him I was hurt and disappointed, he loses his temper again and says I am picking on him for having a good time. We weee fighting all through breakfast.

I am so angry and hurt over all that he did to ruin our wedding night and day after. I don't know how I can forgive him. I feel humiliated, disrespected and unloved. The worst part is he didn't even apologize the next morning or for a few days after I repeatedly sat down and reminded him that this was unacceptable.

I want to leave him.

You won't take responsibility and you aren't a forgiving person. He might be a douche but you have some serious problems of your own and that includes marrying someone who you likely knew was going to get drunk and be defensive about it. Mirror, mirror!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On our wedding night a few months ago, my Newly minted husband got super drunk and could hardly walk. I had to drag him back to our suite. As we were walking back I told him I was so embarrassed and disappointed that he got so drunk on our wedding night. He got angry and yelled at me on the street and goes and tells our friends that I am "picking" a fight. I finally manage to bring him to our suite where he is too drunk to unbutton my dress. When I say anything about anything about being disappointed, he says shortly that our marriage won't work if I keep picking on him.

I cried asleep on my wedding night.

The next morning when I told him I was hurt and disappointed, he loses his temper again and says I am picking on him for having a good time. We weee fighting all through breakfast.

I am so angry and hurt over all that he did to ruin our wedding night and day after. I don't know how I can forgive him. I feel humiliated, disrespected and unloved. The worst part is he didn't even apologize the next morning or for a few days after I repeatedly sat down and reminded him that this was unacceptable.

I want to leave him.

+1 I'm sure this guy isn't a gem, but OP sounds like drama.

Jesus, you repeatedly badgered after the fact? Heck, HE should run for the hills