New husband was a douche on wedding night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe so many people are recommending you leave your husband over this! That's a little dramatic. You love each other! You guys just took vows!

Yes, you have a right to be mad at him for getting so drunk on such a special night for you guys. But this is something you can both work through, forgive, forget and maybe even laugh about some day.

It sounds like he may have a drinking problem - which can lead to his anger/violence on occasion. You should help him get any help he needs.

WHERE are you getting violence?????? WHERE??

[Anonymous]

He is a loser. Move on.

[Anonymous]

OP, let's assume for the sake of argument that it was wrong of him to get drunk that night (leaving aside the fact that it's easy to get unintentionally drunk at your wedding between the toasts, everyone wanting to have a drink with you, not eating enough due to nerves/things to do earlier in the day, and then talking to everyone instead of eating at the reception). Do you see how you ratcheted up the drama dramatically both on your wedding night and in the days/months after? You berated him in front of friends for being drunk knowing, I assume, that you weren't going to get a calm, considered discussion of the issue out of a drunk person. And then when that didn't go well, you continued to berate him the rest of the night about it, and then picked up again pretty much as soon as he woke up the next morning. Maybe next time at least let a person get a cup of coffee before you start listing all the ways they screwed up? And then, because you really needed your pound of flesh on this issue, you kept sitting him down over and over again in the days that followed to tell him how unacceptable his behavior was to you. All because he had too much to drink on your wedding night, something that you have already admitted is not out of character for him, and thus should have been readily foreseeable by you. Your wedding night was probably just as much ruined for him by your behavior as it was ruined for you by his.

I get that you want an apology from him. Did you ever consider breaking the ice by apologizing for your own poor behavior first?

[Anonymous]

Unless you want to deal with this for the rest of your life, it's time to cut your losses now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, let's assume for the sake of argument that it was wrong of him to get drunk that night (leaving aside the fact that it's easy to get unintentionally drunk at your wedding between the toasts, everyone wanting to have a drink with you, not eating enough due to nerves/things to do earlier in the day, and then talking to everyone instead of eating at the reception). Do you see how you ratcheted up the drama dramatically both on your wedding night and in the days/months after? You berated him in front of friends for being drunk knowing, I assume, that you weren't going to get a calm, considered discussion of the issue out of a drunk person. And then when that didn't go well, you continued to berate him the rest of the night about it, and then picked up again pretty much as soon as he woke up the next morning. Maybe next time at least let a person get a cup of coffee before you start listing all the ways they screwed up? And then, because you really needed your pound of flesh on this issue, you kept sitting him down over and over again in the days that followed to tell him how unacceptable his behavior was to you. All because he had too much to drink on your wedding night, something that you have already admitted is not out of character for him, and thus should have been readily foreseeable by you. Your wedding night was probably just as much ruined for him by your behavior as it was ruined for you by his.

I get that you want an apology from him. Did you ever consider breaking the ice by apologizing for your own poor behavior first?

Adding to this, none of what I said above is intended to suggest that his behavior was above reproach and that he has nothing to apologize for. He certainly has his role in it as well, and if he can't acknowledge that, then maybe leaving is the right thing. But you have a big piece of this to own as well, and if you don't do a bit of self-examination to understand how you're contributing to this dynamic, leaving him probably just means landing in another disappointing relationship later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On our wedding night a few months ago, my Newly minted husband got super drunk and could hardly walk. I had to drag him back to our suite. As we were walking back I told him I was so embarrassed and disappointed that he got so drunk on our wedding night. He got angry and yelled at me on the street and goes and tells our friends that I am "picking" a fight. I finally manage to bring him to our suite where he is too drunk to unbutton my dress. When I say anything about anything about being disappointed, he says shortly that our marriage won't work if I keep picking on him.

I cried asleep on my wedding night.

The next morning when I told him I was hurt and disappointed, he loses his temper again and says I am picking on him for having a good time. We weee fighting all through breakfast.

I am so angry and hurt over all that he did to ruin our wedding night and day after. I don't know how I can forgive him. I feel humiliated, disrespected and unloved. The worst part is he didn't even apologize the next morning or for a few days after I repeatedly sat down and reminded him that this was unacceptable.

I want to leave him.

This part made ma laugh. I wouldn't apologize either if you were treating me like that. He isn't your child. This is not how you properly interact for a successful marriage.

She got the handle on being a wife really quickly.

[Anonymous]

DTMFA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On our wedding night a few months ago, my Newly minted husband got super drunk and could hardly walk. I had to drag him back to our suite. As we were walking back I told him I was so embarrassed and disappointed that he got so drunk on our wedding night. He got angry and yelled at me on the street and goes and tells our friends that I am "picking" a fight. I finally manage to bring him to our suite where he is too drunk to unbutton my dress. When I say anything about anything about being disappointed, he says shortly that our marriage won't work if I keep picking on him.

I cried asleep on my wedding night.

The next morning when I told him I was hurt and disappointed, he loses his temper again and says I am picking on him for having a good time. We weee fighting all through breakfast.

I am so angry and hurt over all that he did to ruin our wedding night and day after. I don't know how I can forgive him. I feel humiliated, disrespected and unloved. The worst part is he didn't even apologize the next morning or for a few days after I repeatedly sat down and reminded him that this was unacceptable.

I want to leave him.

If months later you still want to leave him then do it. You will both be better off. Although it sounds like the two of you are made for each other, two losers.

[Anonymous]

Not buying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe so many people are recommending you leave your husband over this! That's a little dramatic. You love each other! You guys just took vows!

Yes, you have a right to be mad at him for getting so drunk on such a special night for you guys. But this is something you can both work through, forgive, forget and maybe even laugh about some day.

It sounds like he may have a drinking problem - which can lead to his anger/violence on occasion. You should help him get any help he needs.

WHERE are you getting violence?????? WHERE??

In a later post, OP mentioned he hit someone while drunk.

[Anonymous]

If he was more concerned with broing out on your wedding night than being with you, the writing is on the wall. This guy sucks. And he'll suck even harder when he's older and still wanting to get wasted with his buddies rather than be an involved parent and loving husband. Get out, now. Guys like this don't grow up. They hide it or repress it for a few years and then slowly start staying out for Happy Hour every Friday, then it's twice a week, and so on and so forth. If his behavior is like this now, imagine how it will feel to have "that husband" at every neighborhood BBQ, "that husband" at every family wedding for the next 50 years.

You're young, don't wait until you feel trapped.

[Anonymous]

My wedding was a similar disaster. DW (now ex) got drunk with her bridesmaids who insisted on doing shots while they all got ready. Only they did shots of water and gave the bride vodka to "take the edge off". My best man - a drinking buddy from our out of town college, but a successful attorney by this time - got drunk and was on a mission to get laid. He was hitting on every woman in attendance, single or not, including my own wife. My local friends still give me grief about my asshole friend who was hitting on their wifes. The caterer told us they'd never had a wedding consume so much alcohol per capita. My blushing bride had a screaming meltdown at the end of the night (claims she doesn't remember), ranting at the haughtiness of my family and insisting we go to her parents' house instead of the hotel we had reserved. While she was puking in the bathroom, I chatted awkwardly with the in-laws about our crazy evening and then crashed on their sofa. We separated 3 yrs later. No kids (thank God!), and we went through the whole divorce process without spending a nickel on a lawyer. Go slowly OP.

[Anonymous]

You need to get out of this marriage asap. DO NOT have children with this man-child.

[Anonymous]

I can imagine any respectable woman calling another human being a douche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to get out of this marriage asap. DO NOT have children with this man-child.

+1