Reply to New husband was a douche on wedding night

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, let's assume for the sake of argument that it was wrong of him to get drunk that night (leaving aside the fact that it's easy to get unintentionally drunk at your wedding between the toasts, everyone wanting to have a drink with you, not eating enough due to nerves/things to do earlier in the day, and then talking to everyone instead of eating at the reception). Do you see how you ratcheted up the drama dramatically both on your wedding night and in the days/months after? You berated him in front of friends for being drunk knowing, I assume, that you weren't going to get a calm, considered discussion of the issue out of a drunk person. And then when that didn't go well, you continued to berate him the rest of the night about it, and then picked up again pretty much as soon as he woke up the next morning. Maybe next time at least let a person get a cup of coffee before you start listing all the ways they screwed up? And then, because you really needed your pound of flesh on this issue, you kept sitting him down over and over again in the days that followed to tell him how unacceptable his behavior was to you. All because he had too much to drink on your wedding night, something that you have already admitted is not out of character for him, and thus should have been readily foreseeable by you. Your wedding night was probably just as much ruined for him by your behavior as it was ruined for you by his.

I get that you want an apology from him. Did you ever consider breaking the ice by apologizing for your own poor behavior first?[/quote]

Adding to this, none of what I said above is intended to suggest that his behavior was above reproach and that he has nothing to apologize for. He certainly has his role in it as well, and if he can't acknowledge that, then maybe leaving is the right thing. But you have a big piece of this to own as well, and if you don't do a bit of self-examination to understand how you're contributing to this dynamic, leaving him probably just means landing in another disappointing relationship later. [/quote]

Well said![/quote]

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