How do I handle this? Teacher gave kid F for questionable reasons. (Long)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Teachers don’t GIVE grades. Students EARN the grade they get

Ha! Not this student, or this situation ... but teachers fit the class into a grade distribution bell curve, one that was been enforced by the school and school system. It's not about what they earn, only in relation to their peers and what grade the school allows them to earn (except for the very outliners)

Parents believe children earn high grades, but teachers give low ones.

Also, virtually no school uses bell curve grading any more. Low grades are viewed as a sign the teacher is failing students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are your long term parenting goals? Are they for your child to be independent? Self sufficient? Happy? Successful? Have a good relationship with others?

Then before you do anything, ask yourself if your actions will move him toward these goals or farther away.

I am constantly amazed at the number of parents who claim that their number one goal is for their child to be able to take care of him/herself and then they insert themselves in every situation that the child becomes uncomfortable or upset. How in the heck do these people expect their children to be self sufficient? Do you think it magically just happens at a certain age? No, it is learned through experience.

Life is uncomfortable at times. It's unfair at times. Let him learn how to cope, you will be doing him a favor.

This isn't about YOU and how hard it is for YOU to witness this. Let him experience it and become stronger so he can tell his children this story one day when they come home upset after a bad grade.

Yes life is not fair. But I also want my child to learn to stick up for his himself when he has been clearly wronged. At 11 and against a vindictive teacher, having a parent advocate is not wrong. It is similar to going to Human Resources at work. Sure, after making your case move on and learn from it. But just suck it up because life is unfair-no, not what I want to teach my kids. That is why there are so many victims out there, because the wrongdoer knows they do not have the guts to call them out. In this case, one grade is not a big deal but it is still quite obvious that it is unfair. I am amazed at the number of people who will not at least suggest a conversation is warranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are your long term parenting goals? Are they for your child to be independent? Self sufficient? Happy? Successful? Have a good relationship with others?

Then before you do anything, ask yourself if your actions will move him toward these goals or farther away.

I am constantly amazed at the number of parents who claim that their number one goal is for their child to be able to take care of him/herself and then they insert themselves in every situation that the child becomes uncomfortable or upset. How in the heck do these people expect their children to be self sufficient? Do you think it magically just happens at a certain age? No, it is learned through experience.

Life is uncomfortable at times. It's unfair at times. Let him learn how to cope, you will be doing him a favor.

This isn't about YOU and how hard it is for YOU to witness this. Let him experience it and become stronger so he can tell his children this story one day when they come home upset after a bad grade.

Yes life is not fair. But I also want my child to learn to stick up for his himself when he has been clearly wronged. At 11 and against a vindictive teacher, having a parent advocate is not wrong. It is similar to going to Human Resources at work. Sure, after making your case move on and learn from it. But just suck it up because life is unfair-no, not what I want to teach my kids. That is why there are so many victims out there, because the wrongdoer knows they do not have the guts to call them out. In this case, one grade is not a big deal but it is still quite obvious that it is unfair. I am amazed at the number of people who will not at least suggest a conversation is warranted.

Exactly. Too many parents are teaching their kids just to lie back and take it. This is a great message if you want your kid to be a sad corporate drone who accomplishes nothing. Especially with automation. In fact the trend in education is bemoaning how schooling nowadays takes away that urge to innovate and think deeply. OP's kid sounds like a bright, friendly, smart kid. She should be doing everything possible to protect and preserve that rather than have it beaten out of him by the old crones

[Anonymous]

As a teacher, I am having trouble with the idea that he was doing exactly what he was supposed to be doing, and somehow also telling funny stories. Which was it?

I also have trouble with the idea that a middle schooler on the last day of school needs a reminder about behavior expectations before a consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher, I am having trouble with the idea that he was doing exactly what he was supposed to be doing, and somehow also telling funny stories. Which was it?

I also have trouble with the idea that a middle schooler on the last day of school needs a reminder about behavior expectations before a consequence.

It seems to me that most home ec classes would have periods where talking and conversation would be acceptable. It wasnt exactly Russian Literature

[Anonymous]

He admitted he was fooling around during class.

What's the mystery? He admits it.

Am I missing something?

[Anonymous]

OP, take the story you're getting from DS, and multiply it by 10. Chances are his perspective is off considerably, and you're only getting a tiny glimpse. In general, people are VERY bias in mentioning their own errors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are your long term parenting goals? Are they for your child to be independent? Self sufficient? Happy? Successful? Have a good relationship with others?

Then before you do anything, ask yourself if your actions will move him toward these goals or farther away.

I am constantly amazed at the number of parents who claim that their number one goal is for their child to be able to take care of him/herself and then they insert themselves in every situation that the child becomes uncomfortable or upset. How in the heck do these people expect their children to be self sufficient? Do you think it magically just happens at a certain age? No, it is learned through experience.

Life is uncomfortable at times. It's unfair at times. Let him learn how to cope, you will be doing him a favor.

This isn't about YOU and how hard it is for YOU to witness this. Let him experience it and become stronger so he can tell his children this story one day when they come home upset after a bad grade.

Yes life is not fair. But I also want my child to learn to stick up for his himself when he has been clearly wronged. At 11 and against a vindictive teacher, having a parent advocate is not wrong. It is similar to going to Human Resources at work. Sure, after making your case move on and learn from it. But just suck it up because life is unfair-no, not what I want to teach my kids. That is why there are so many victims out there, because the wrongdoer knows they do not have the guts to call them out. In this case, one grade is not a big deal but it is still quite obvious that it is unfair. I am amazed at the number of people who will not at least suggest a conversation is warranted.

Then let HIM do it! And stop helicoptering!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an art teacher like this, who targeted me because I walked in her class one day as she was holding the door open and had my head buried in a book. The school apologized to my mother when I was given a punishment, and basically said they couldn't find another art teacher.

I'm sorry your child has been targeted. I would complain in writing to the principal, so that he or she can document this, because if she's that type of teacher, it is probably not the first time she's done this!

Also, keep working with your child on his behaviors, otherwise he might get the same treatment from another less-than-patient teacher in the future, perhaps one whose grades count much more...

The current art teacher the German School is like this. Kids she doesn't like get docked on their work regardless of what they do. It's all subjective grading. And to top it all off, she speaks awful German.
(Sorry for the aside)

I would complain to the principal and request a meeting. Outline just like you did here, leave the door open that some of your info might be off, but also point out that with all As and one F, it seems a little odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an art teacher like this, who targeted me because I walked in her class one day as she was holding the door open and had my head buried in a book. The school apologized to my mother when I was given a punishment, and basically said they couldn't find another art teacher.

I'm sorry your child has been targeted. I would complain in writing to the principal, so that he or she can document this, because if she's that type of teacher, it is probably not the first time she's done this!

Also, keep working with your child on his behaviors, otherwise he might get the same treatment from another less-than-patient teacher in the future, perhaps one whose grades count much more...

The current art teacher the German School is like this. Kids she doesn't like get docked on their work regardless of what they do. It's all subjective grading. And to top it all off, she speaks awful German.
(Sorry for the aside)

I would complain to the principal and request a meeting. Outline just like you did here, leave the door open that some of your info might be off, but also point out that with all As and one F, it seems a little odd.

I think it happens fairly frequently.

[Anonymous]

I doubt very much that the teacher did this lightly. Your kid must've been very, very disruptive and is sadly not telling you the truth. The version you are getting is most likely wrong. Just re-read what you wrote, he was telling funny stories and yet he thinks he was doing the same as others? Probably not. ADHD kids version of what happened is often not the real picture. I do have teen DD with hyper ADHD, and this would sound like something she would tell me, but I've had the opportunity to see that she perceives things differently and her idea of her behavior is not the reality. Also, pause and think about why you are upset about this, his story doesn't add up.

[Anonymous]

You need to go in and talk. Be your kid's advocate. That's the best thing you could do for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I doubt very much that the teacher did this lightly. Your kid must've been very, very disruptive and is sadly not telling you the truth. The version you are getting is most likely wrong. Just re-read what you wrote, he was telling funny stories and yet he thinks he was doing the same as others? Probably not. ADHD kids version of what happened is often not the real picture. I do have teen DD with hyper ADHD, and this would sound like something she would tell me, but I've had the opportunity to see that she perceives things differently and her idea of her behavior is not the reality. Also, pause and think about why you are upset about this, his story doesn't add up.

You sound like a bad mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt very much that the teacher did this lightly. Your kid must've been very, very disruptive and is sadly not telling you the truth. The version you are getting is most likely wrong. Just re-read what you wrote, he was telling funny stories and yet he thinks he was doing the same as others? Probably not. ADHD kids version of what happened is often not the real picture. I do have teen DD with hyper ADHD, and this would sound like something she would tell me, but I've had the opportunity to see that she perceives things differently and her idea of her behavior is not the reality. Also, pause and think about why you are upset about this, his story doesn't add up.

You sound like a bad mom.

What a ridiculous statement, based on what? I am a great mom who knows her kids, and I don't live in alternate reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt very much that the teacher did this lightly. Your kid must've been very, very disruptive and is sadly not telling you the truth. The version you are getting is most likely wrong. Just re-read what you wrote, he was telling funny stories and yet he thinks he was doing the same as others? Probably not. ADHD kids version of what happened is often not the real picture. I do have teen DD with hyper ADHD, and this would sound like something she would tell me, but I've had the opportunity to see that she perceives things differently and her idea of her behavior is not the reality. Also, pause and think about why you are upset about this, his story doesn't add up.

You sound like a bad mom.

What a ridiculous statement, based on what? I am a great mom who knows her kids, and I don't live in alternate reality.

You sound very mocking and distrustful of her. Almost like gaslighting.