I was raised in a Duggar like family. AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you adjust in the short term when you left? Did you start wearing pants, go to a regular school and then off to college, etc. Or, did it take a long time to change your habits?

I did start wearing pants, although I didn't fully rebel in the sense that I still dressed very modestly. I changed pretty quickly. I came across as quirky and a bit strange at times as I would say and do things that other people couldn't really make sense of and there were lots of normal experiences that I had never had but I think since my parents were probably the most normal in the group, I had a bit of a head start over other families who left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: They did become actively involved in a church for a few years but mostly have directed their energy to helping other people.

You know belonging to a church and helping people are the same thing, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: They did become actively involved in a church for a few years but mostly have directed their energy to helping other people.

You know belonging to a church and helping people are the same thing, right?

OP knows better than most that it is NOT the same thing. When the two coincide, great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: They did become actively involved in a church for a few years but mostly have directed their energy to helping other people.

You know belonging to a church and helping people are the same thing, right?

How are those the same thing?

[Anonymous]

How would you describe your clothing, style, and appearance now? How do you wear your hair? Do you wear make-up, accessorize?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you describe your clothing, style, and appearance now? How do you wear your hair? Do you wear make-up, accessorize?

Not really. I occasionally use concealer and I have a tube of mascara that I have had for about 5 years. I occasionally wear a necklace. My hair is straight and just past my shoulders and I either just wear it down or in a ponytail - very plain. I have highlighted my hair a couple times. I don't like to dress in a way that draws attention to myself. Any compliments or comments about how I look make me uncomfortable. I would rather just not be noticed.

I don't think I look dowdy but I am definitely not a fashion statement!

[Anonymous]

Any pressure/comments from family for you to marry and have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any pressure/comments from family for you to marry and have kids?

My family is very disappointed that I didn't marry or have kids. They see careers as really a means to support a family. They are okay with me working as I need to support myself but they are very sad for me that I have to do that. My mother loved being a mother (wife and mother was her entire identity) so she can't relate to me not having that. They truly feel that women are happiest and most fulfilled when being a mother so they feel sad that I haven't experienced what I was meant to be / do. We never talk about the fact that I am single, or my job. Recently I was promoted to a senior position and I do think they are proud of me on one level but they see me working as a consolation prize.

[Anonymous]

You mentioned your father was an intellectual and both parents had some critical thinking skills. What drove them to initially become members of the group? Which aspects did they agree with and why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned your father was an intellectual and both parents had some critical thinking skills. What drove them to initially become members of the group? Which aspects did they agree with and why?

They were both born into it and had been in the group their entire lives. My father's family was very involved in the leadership of the group and he struggled with some of the hypocrisy that he saw. He was also a voracious reader and came to the point that while he believed in the faith and in the theological foundations, he didn't believe in the way it was being enacted and all the rules. He read and studied and dissected the Bible and came to believe that some of what was happening in the church was not actually Biblical but rather man-led. That people were running the group, not God. He found this very disappointing and worked hard to get the group to see things differently but after years of trying and seeing little progress, he felt he could no longer stay. He didn't walk away from his beliefs but from the group who he felt had strayed from the theological foundation they were built on.

My mother's mother was also a little bit of a 'difficult' woman in the group. She was feisty and strong willed and frequently had to be reprimanded. My grandmother is still a staunch supporter of the group and remained in it but never quite toed the line. So my mother had an example of someone who wasn't 100% committed. My mother never questioned anything however until she married my dad. No one had ever talked to my mom intellectually about issues or discussed things with her, as education hadn't been important for her as she was going to be a wife and mother. My dad doesn't know any other way to be! He talks to everyone like they are an academic! My mom just followed his lead.

[Anonymous]

Could you share some everyday happy memories from childhood?

Also, do you identify a particular turning point in your life where your own skepticism started and set you on a path to leave when you got the chance?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like there are "off-limits" topics (your job, your marital status) with your family.

What DO you talk about?

Do they follow current events and politics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you share some everyday happy memories from childhood?

Also, do you identify a particular turning point in your life where your own skepticism started and set you on a path to leave when you got the chance?

We lived a very simple rural life and I have many memories of just hours and hours of playing outside. We also spent time at a cabin during the summer on a lake and I have many fond memories of that as well.

I struggled as a child more than my siblings because I wasn't demure or sweet or quiet or submissive or meek or mild. I was a bit of a wild child, I was loud and bossy and a tomboy and there was considerable effort and punishment to try and make me into a well behaved, sweet little girl. It was very embarrassing for my parents to have me act the way I did. I was still very obedient and didn't disobey or talk back but I had a vivid imagination and preferred to be climbing a tree then sitting playing tea party. My personality was not a good fit for the group ( I am more similar to my feisty grandmother!) My grandmother understood me and I have any good memories with her. She just 'got' me, and although she would lecture me on my bad behavior, she would also let me more be myself when with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there are "off-limits" topics (your job, your marital status) with your family.

What DO you talk about?

Do they follow current events and politics?

We don't have many meaningful conversations. They are pretty superficial, small talk type things. They do follow current events in terms of the news. They aren't really into politics.

[Anonymous]

How do/did your parents earn money?