Fiance' just signed up for gay dating/hook up site

[Anonymous]

Most straight guys don't have close buddies who are gay. If Marc really is gay and felt comfortable enough to use your fiancee's browser to set up an account at your place while hanging out with your fiancée, that's still a red flag. You should still cancel the wedding.

How's your sex life? As unmarried young people, it should be amazing. Like, 5x a week if not daily. Let me guess: your fiancée is "low drive"? Just run.

[Anonymous]

I told you to prepare more. This confront, confront, confront.... not good in these situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most straight guys don't have close buddies who are gay. If Marc really is gay and felt comfortable enough to use your fiancee's browser to set up an account at your place while hanging out with your fiancée, that's still a red flag. You should still cancel the wedding.

I don't believe the Marc thing, but this is just drivel. Plenty of straight guys have good friends who are gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most straight guys don't have close buddies who are gay. If Marc really is gay and felt comfortable enough to use your fiancee's browser to set up an account at your place while hanging out with your fiancée, that's still a red flag. You should still cancel the wedding.

I don't believe the Marc thing, but this is just drivel. Plenty of straight guys have good friends who are gay.

And they go on gay sites together?

[Anonymous]

ZachF wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op are you male or female?

Op is a troll. This far into a thread is always a clear and no participation from op means troll.

Hi, I participated twice and have been dealing with this all day. So sorry I wasn't able to log back on. He was completely blindsided when I asked him about it. Denied it, I showed him. He said it was his buddy Marc's (who was over last night) not his. He was going crazy and told me that he would have Marc come over and explain it to me.

That is some quick backpedaling. You should have called Marc right then. Now he has time to beg Marc to take the fall for this and save his ass, when this story makes no sense. No man is going to let his friend use his e-mail account and computer to sign on to a gay dating site. There is no reason for Marc to do that. Marc would logically create his own email address just to use for that site or other down-low activities and use his own damn computer.

But, do let Marc explain this to you and please come back and tell us how that goes. Ask Marc how your F was supposed to be handling the messages Marc got from the site for him, and why? Here is a good one. Ask him to tell you the password to "his" (Marc's) profile on the site and your Fs password for his email. If he doesn't know either of those, how was he supposed to log in and find a gay guy, check his messages, etc.

I really feel for you and hope it all works out for you no matter how this ends. I also really hope I'm wrong.

ETA: If the profile disappears then that's a sure sign it's your fiance's profile and he took it down now that you caught him. Marc would have no reason to take it down. He's trying to find a man with the help of his really good friend, right?

Straight married guy with gay friends and ex-roommates:
I 1000% agree. NONE of my gay friends would have used my computer or phone to browse gay dating websites, let alone use my personal email to register for an account. They are all constantly on their iPhones trolling around for dudes on Grindr and Scruff. It makes zero sense to use my device.

I call BS on your fiance's really bad lie. Also, I question the veracity of anything Marc says.

[Anonymous]

ZachF is right on - there is no way that your Fiance allowed his friend to sign up for a gay website using your Fiance's email address. That's just ludicrious. FWIW, my best friend is gay, lived with his long term girl friend and finally came out when he realized he couldn't continue to lead a double life. He truly loved his girlfriend. He WANTED to make it work. He wanted the wife, kids and white picket fence and struggled for a very long time trying to reconcile his feelings. I had long suspected he was gay and gave him many opportunities to come out to me but he just wasn't ready... until he was ready.

Years later now, his ex is married with kids and is still very close with my friend. My friend is a much happier person because it was such a terrible struggle for him before. If he was on this site he'd tell you your fiance is gay or at least bi. No matter what Marc tells you, there is no reasonable explanation for Marc to use your fiance's username and password.

I am so sorry OP. This is something that can rock you to your core. But you can get beyond it and find someone who is straight. Don't try to make this work, it won't. I presume that you are very close to your fiance - perhaps even best friends and that is a lot to give up. But, in the long run, depending on how you are feeling, you don't have to give up the friendship. Hang in there OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ZachF is right on - there is no way that your Fiance allowed his friend to sign up for a gay website using your Fiance's email address. That's just ludicrious. FWIW, my best friend is gay, lived with his long term girl friend and finally came out when he realized he couldn't continue to lead a double life. He truly loved his girlfriend. He WANTED to make it work. He wanted the wife, kids and white picket fence and struggled for a very long time trying to reconcile his feelings. I had long suspected he was gay and gave him many opportunities to come out to me but he just wasn't ready... until he was ready.

Years later now, his ex is married with kids and is still very close with my friend. My friend is a much happier person because it was such a terrible struggle for him before. If he was on this site he'd tell you your fiance is gay or at least bi. No matter what Marc tells you, there is no reasonable explanation for Marc to use your fiance's username and password.

I am so sorry OP. This is something that can rock you to your core. But you can get beyond it and find someone who is straight. Don't try to make this work, it won't. I presume that you are very close to your fiance - perhaps even best friends and that is a lot to give up. But, in the long run, depending on how you are feeling, you don't have to give up the friendship. Hang in there OP.

This is exactly what I was going to say. Please save yourself the heartache and end the engagement. It will be so much easier now then after a marriage and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ZachF is right on - there is no way that your Fiance allowed his friend to sign up for a gay website using your Fiance's email address. That's just ludicrious. FWIW, my best friend is gay, lived with his long term girl friend and finally came out when he realized he couldn't continue to lead a double life. He truly loved his girlfriend. He WANTED to make it work. He wanted the wife, kids and white picket fence and struggled for a very long time trying to reconcile his feelings. I had long suspected he was gay and gave him many opportunities to come out to me but he just wasn't ready... until he was ready.

Years later now, his ex is married with kids and is still very close with my friend. My friend is a much happier person because it was such a terrible struggle for him before. If he was on this site he'd tell you your fiance is gay or at least bi. No matter what Marc tells you, there is no reasonable explanation for Marc to use your fiance's username and password.

I am so sorry OP. This is something that can rock you to your core. But you can get beyond it and find someone who is straight. Don't try to make this work, it won't. I presume that you are very close to your fiance - perhaps even best friends and that is a lot to give up. But, in the long run, depending on how you are feeling, you don't have to give up the friendship. Hang in there OP.

This is exactly what I was going to say. Please save yourself the heartache and end the engagement. It will be so much easier now then after a marriage and kids.

This person says it all. Sorry Op.

[Anonymous]

Even if this had nothing to do with a gay website - if it were ANY dating website - that is a deal killer for any marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I tell you what, if your 1st instinct was to jump on here and plead for advice as opposed to talking to dude about it then neither one of you is fit for marriage because both of your communication skills are severely lacking.

+1 billion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if this had nothing to do with a gay website - if it were ANY dating website - that is a deal killer for any marriage.

Yeah, he's still willing to lie to you so he can continue his cheating and fraudulent life - with no concern to how it impacts you, OP. He's only out for himself - that's no best friend or partner.

And he's FOS about Marc. What a lying pig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, we're getting married in 3 months and my fiance' didn't completely sign out of his email on the lap top. I saw in his inbox that he signed up for a membership to a gay dating/hook up site. That's the description on the site. The email was the link to confirm his membership. He had clicked on it. It showed his log in and password, so I logged in. He has his general location, height, weight, age filled in. His bio says "just a normal guy looking to meet normal people"

OMG.

Why were you violating his privacy? What strange fetish do you have that makes you pour through your fiance's email? He should reconsider the engagement.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have two close friends who married and had kids before coming out and eventually divorcing. They were both Catholic, FWIW. You are lucky to find out now, rather than 15 years from now. So sorry.

[ZachF]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, we're getting married in 3 months and my fiance' didn't completely sign out of his email on the lap top. I saw in his inbox that he signed up for a membership to a gay dating/hook up site. That's the description on the site. The email was the link to confirm his membership. He had clicked on it. It showed his log in and password, so I logged in. He has his general location, height, weight, age filled in. His bio says "just a normal guy looking to meet normal people"

OMG.

Why were you violating his privacy? What strange fetish do you have that makes you pour through your fiance's email? He should reconsider the engagement.

Did you bother to read her post? How strange of you to describe her desire for the truth as a fetish. That's quite a stretch on the definition of, fetish. HE should reconsider? OK, he can certainly do that if he feels like you do. He caught her snooping and now he is in major damage control, trying to cover one big lie with many more lies while dragging another person into the web. Wouldn't you love to hear that conversation between him and Marc? "Marc, man, I need a BIG favor.." "I'm in such deep shit, you've got to cover for me." He doesn't seem to upset about how she found out, does he?

Sorry but once your partner does something to raise serious suspicion of activities that could have a huge impact on your relationship and future together, they open themselves up to being snooped on. While I'll agree that snooping is bad, and people have a right to privacy, I won't go as far as to say that snooping is never justified. One shady move by one partner opens them up to the other stepping outside the normal boundaries to protect themselves.

The need to know the truth she would never find out otherwise, not even by asking him (she did that, remember?) trumps his right to privacy IMHO. Cheaters who take care to operate with absolute discretion and privacy are able top lead these double lives. Those who get caught are the careless ones who then invite the snooping.

"He/She left their browser open and..." is the start of so many threads here where someone discovers their relationship is not the one they thought they were having.

[Anonymous]

You + him need to have a deep conversation stat.

He obviously is leading a double-life and let him know in no uncertain terms that you do not suffer fools easily.

Call off the wedding or sign up for a lifetime of lies, betrayal + deep heartache.