Fiance' just signed up for gay dating/hook up site

[Anonymous]

Do not marry him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I tell you what, if your 1st instinct was to jump on here and plead for advice as opposed to talking to dude about it then neither one of you is fit for marriage because both of your communication skills are severely lacking.

Wow! Lots of bad advice.

Of course you need to work through this in your head before you approach him.

LOL!!! You must be crazy. As soon as I see something like that with us about to be married soon its 100% approach time.
You sit down and work through his excuses in your head - but you don't put off confronting dude about it out of supposed caution or courtesy.
No that's cowardice.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry that your engagement is off. Please start trying to get deposits back ASAP. Don't be embarrassed, it is NOT your fault and this is not going to stain you forever.

I would say the exact same thing if he had signed up for a straight hookup site, FYI.

[Anonymous]

If people want to hide things, they will find a way. Ignore the naive posters who don't understand this.

Don't try to convince yourself you should still marry him, OP. Unless you want to be married to a gay or bi man who lies to you and cheats on you? You've dodged a bullet. It's going to hurt a lot to break up, but not as much as if you'd married him and had to live with that mess.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure he's doing research!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I tell you what, if your 1st instinct was to jump on here and plead for advice as opposed to talking to dude about it then neither one of you is fit for marriage because both of your communication skills are severely lacking.

Wow! Lots of bad advice.

Of course you need to work through this in your head before you approach him.

LOL!!! You must be crazy. As soon as I see something like that with us about to be married soon its 100% approach time.
You sit down and work through his excuses in your head - but you don't put off confronting dude about it out of supposed caution or courtesy.
No that's cowardice.

Total BS. I would have an apartment ready, my family on notice, my best friends ready to move me out.

I would never in a million years go into this 1/2 cocked.

Excuses, oh I was just curious, I created an account for a friends, whatever, I'm out, but I will not telegraph my every move... nor did he obviously.

[Anonymous]

Oh f**k. Sorry, OP. He's a lying cheat - towards you and these unsuspecting guys who will think he's single.

This is a no-brainer - you should call off the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I tell you what, if your 1st instinct was to jump on here and plead for advice as opposed to talking to dude about it then neither one of you is fit for marriage because both of your communication skills are severely lacking.

Wow! Lots of bad advice.

Of course you need to work through this in your head before you approach him.

LOL!!! You must be crazy. As soon as I see something like that with us about to be married soon its 100% approach time.
You sit down and work through his excuses in your head - but you don't put off confronting dude about it out of supposed caution or courtesy.
No that's cowardice.

Total BS. I would have an apartment ready, my family on notice, my best friends ready to move me out.

I would never in a million years go into this 1/2 cocked.

Excuses, oh I was just curious, I created an account for a friends, whatever, I'm out, but I will not telegraph my every move... nor did he obviously.

Hey that works too!
"Drop it like its hot" immediately lol.
But last thing I would do is sit around and "work through this in my head" before approaching him.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused as to why people do this in today's America . Throngs of homosexual men married women in the decades past in deceitful manners such as this . Some of us have fought for the right of these kind of people to be who they are and yet. ...Why can't he be who he truly is ? He's a hypocritical reckless son of a bitch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused as to why people do this in today's America . Throngs of homosexual men married women in the decades past in deceitful manners such as this . Some of us have fought for the right of these kind of people to be who they are and yet. ...Why can't he be who he truly is ? He's a hypocritical reckless son of a bitch

If you don't live in certain areas they are decades behind with respect to right of homosexuals.

[Anonymous]

OP, Consider yourself especially lucky to have found this out now instead of later! Leave him. You'll give him room to be who he is and you'll get on with your life and be who you were meant to be.

[Anonymous]

It's a gift to have this information now, OP, and not after the wedding.

It's hard to say what's going on with her fiance besides him wanting gay sex. We have no idea what his upbringing is and whether he's positioned to have come out as gay or bi, or even explore that. So as for him being a liar and cheater, those labels are facile. He might be one poor, messed up dude.

That doesn't lessen the hurt for OP, I understand. In any case, OP, you have very valuable information now.

I had a college friend who was in this position 15 years ago. Discovered that her boyfriend of a few years (they were discussing engagement at the time) had had some gay flings. She confronted him and he told her that it was "experimentation" and he was done with it, it wasn't who he was. He loved her and wanted to get married. Popped the question, gave her a huge diamond ring. She went from horrified/confused/disgusted to forgiving him and marrying him.

5 years later she had an STD detected during pregnancy. He had been having unprotected sex with men during business trips. They are now divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused as to why people do this in today's America . Throngs of homosexual men married women in the decades past in deceitful manners such as this . Some of us have fought for the right of these kind of people to be who they are and yet. ...Why can't he be who he truly is ? He's a hypocritical reckless son of a bitch

Because in their minds being able to present themselves vwith a woman and child is desirable.

[Anonymous]

Get checked out for all STDs ASAP!!!! HIV, HSV 1 and 2, HPV via Pap smear for high risk strains, Syphilis, Hepatitis B & C, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Myscoplasma family, Trichomoniasis, Chancroid and many others. Remember, that many of these cannot be detected in men. Put your health first!!

https://beforeplay.org/stds/

[Anonymous]

OP i'm sorry.

Even if you knew he was bi (or were / are OK with it), the fact that's he's actively hooking up WHILE ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED should be enough for YOU to decide to walk away.

I'm sure your world just got rocked, but this has nothing to do with you - this is about HIM not being ready. It's ok to disengage and protect yourself, whatever that means to you.