DH has affair & baby - did you stay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While it's not the child's fault I wouldn't want the child around my kids nor the mother etc. I can see why some couples pay the support to the court without ever seeing the mother or baby again. While men are responsible for wearing condoms, women who want to trap stupid men continue to do so by not taking the pill. With all of societies problems I think we should go back to the old way. If you are a woman that decides to have a child out of wedlock you're on your own unless the dad decides to be involved. If he's married then that woman is really out of luck. I will bet if those laws changed you wouldn't have so many women pulling this stuff. Child support is like hitting the lottery today. I knew two professional women that had kids from 2 different men and got a ton in child support because the guys had great jobs. Knowing them like I did there was no doubt they had calculated all that.

Knowing the amount of work involved in raising a child on your own, no child support could possibly compensate for this. I doubt any professional women would do it for the child support alone. Having children out of marriage for child support is simply a very foolish plan.

Oh please, so untrue. My own sil got 1500 a month back 20 years ago because my brother made great money. He was planning to divorce her and she knew she wasn't going to make a ton. Nope I've seen it and many different situations. Like taxes it goes by how much income and if he makes a lot she will get more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You said it happened a year ago yet you talk of the daughter's pain? I am confused about the time line on this story...

A year ago was when I found out. The child was already four years old at that point.

Oh. That is messed up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While it's not the child's fault I wouldn't want the child around my kids nor the mother etc. I can see why some couples pay the support to the court without ever seeing the mother or baby again. While men are responsible for wearing condoms, women who want to trap stupid men continue to do so by not taking the pill. With all of societies problems I think we should go back to the old way. If you are a woman that decides to have a child out of wedlock you're on your own unless the dad decides to be involved. If he's married then that woman is really out of luck. I will bet if those laws changed you wouldn't have so many women pulling this stuff. Child support is like hitting the lottery today. I knew two professional women that had kids from 2 different men and got a ton in child support because the guys had great jobs. Knowing them like I did there was no doubt they had calculated all that.

Knowing the amount of work involved in raising a child on your own, no child support could possibly compensate for this. I doubt any professional women would do it for the child support alone. Having children out of marriage for child support is simply a very foolish plan.

Oh please, so untrue. My own sil got 1500 a month back 20 years ago because my brother made great money. He was planning to divorce her and she knew she wasn't going to make a ton. Nope I've seen it and many different situations. Like taxes it goes by how much income and if he makes a lot she will get more.

First of all, 1500 a month isn't a lot of money to a professional person. But mostly what you don't understand is that having a child alone means so much work, hassle, inconvenience and indefinite limitations on your freedom, that 1500 a month cannot possibly look like a good deal to put up with that. Your sil didn't have a child for the child support alone, I assure you. You should talk to the social services workers who will tell you stories of unpaid child support going back years, or women who only get a few hundred a month, or nothing at all.

[Anonymous]

These stories are really sad. My friend's father had a secret love child. His mother found out when my friend was in middle school. His mother did not divorce his father because he was very wealthy and she did not want to give up the lifestyle. His parents are still married. My friend occassionally sees his half sister socially since they are now adults.

However my friend is pretty f&#ked emotionally. He is a very unhappy guy with a lot of insecurities. He says it goes back to what his fathet did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While it's not the child's fault I wouldn't want the child around my kids nor the mother etc. I can see why some couples pay the support to the court without ever seeing the mother or baby again. While men are responsible for wearing condoms, women who want to trap stupid men continue to do so by not taking the pill. With all of societies problems I think we should go back to the old way. If you are a woman that decides to have a child out of wedlock you're on your own unless the dad decides to be involved. If he's married then that woman is really out of luck. I will bet if those laws changed you wouldn't have so many women pulling this stuff. Child support is like hitting the lottery today. I knew two professional women that had kids from 2 different men and got a ton in child support because the guys had great jobs. Knowing them like I did there was no doubt they had calculated all that.

Knowing the amount of work involved in raising a child on your own, no child support could possibly compensate for this. I doubt any professional women would do it for the child support alone. Having children out of marriage for child support is simply a very foolish plan.

Oh please, so untrue. My own sil got 1500 a month back 20 years ago because my brother made great money. He was planning to divorce her and she knew she wasn't going to make a ton. Nope I've seen it and many different situations. Like taxes it goes by how much income and if he makes a lot she will get more.

Does $ 1500 even cover daycare anymore ? It certainly won't come close to covering all the food, clothing, diapers, toys, safety equipment, school supplies, insurance, etc. Not really a profit-making venture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These stories are really sad. My friend's father had a secret love child. His mother found out when my friend was in middle school. His mother did not divorce his father because he was very wealthy and she did not want to give up the lifestyle. His parents are still married. My friend occassionally sees his half sister socially since they are now adults.

However my friend is pretty f&#ked emotionally. He is a very unhappy guy with a lot of insecurities. He says it goes back to what his fathet did.

I don't know anyone in this situation but why would it impact the children of the intact family? Did the father bring the other child around and that caused issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While it's not the child's fault I wouldn't want the child around my kids nor the mother etc. I can see why some couples pay the support to the court without ever seeing the mother or baby again. While men are responsible for wearing condoms, women who want to trap stupid men continue to do so by not taking the pill. With all of societies problems I think we should go back to the old way. If you are a woman that decides to have a child out of wedlock you're on your own unless the dad decides to be involved. If he's married then that woman is really out of luck. I will bet if those laws changed you wouldn't have so many women pulling this stuff. Child support is like hitting the lottery today. I knew two professional women that had kids from 2 different men and got a ton in child support because the guys had great jobs. Knowing them like I did there was no doubt they had calculated all that.

Knowing the amount of work involved in raising a child on your own, no child support could possibly compensate for this. I doubt any professional women would do it for the child support alone. Having children out of marriage for child support is simply a very foolish plan.

Oh please, so untrue. My own sil got 1500 a month back 20 years ago because my brother made great money. He was planning to divorce her and she knew she wasn't going to make a ton. Nope I've seen it and many different situations. Like taxes it goes by how much income and if he makes a lot she will get more.

Does $ 1500 even cover daycare anymore ? It certainly won't come close to covering all the food, clothing, diapers, toys, safety equipment, school supplies, insurance, etc. Not really a profit-making venture.

NP here but we definitely dont spend anywhere near 1,500 a month on food, diapers, etc. In most states daycare and medical expenses are added to the child support amount so if the mom isnt making much she will pay a small % of the daycare costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These stories are really sad. My friend's father had a secret love child. His mother found out when my friend was in middle school. His mother did not divorce his father because he was very wealthy and she did not want to give up the lifestyle. His parents are still married. My friend occassionally sees his half sister socially since they are now adults.

However my friend is pretty f&#ked emotionally. He is a very unhappy guy with a lot of insecurities. He says it goes back to what his fathet did.

I don't know anyone in this situation but why would it impact the children of the intact family? Did the father bring the other child around and that caused issues?

It impacted him because finding out his father is a lying cheater harmed the father-son relationship, duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While it's not the child's fault I wouldn't want the child around my kids nor the mother etc. I can see why some couples pay the support to the court without ever seeing the mother or baby again. While men are responsible for wearing condoms, women who want to trap stupid men continue to do so by not taking the pill. With all of societies problems I think we should go back to the old way. If you are a woman that decides to have a child out of wedlock you're on your own unless the dad decides to be involved. If he's married then that woman is really out of luck. I will bet if those laws changed you wouldn't have so many women pulling this stuff. Child support is like hitting the lottery today. I knew two professional women that had kids from 2 different men and got a ton in child support because the guys had great jobs. Knowing them like I did there was no doubt they had calculated all that.

Knowing the amount of work involved in raising a child on your own, no child support could possibly compensate for this. I doubt any professional women would do it for the child support alone. Having children out of marriage for child support is simply a very foolish plan.

Oh please, so untrue. My own sil got 1500 a month back 20 years ago because my brother made great money. He was planning to divorce her and she knew she wasn't going to make a ton. Nope I've seen it and many different situations. Like taxes it goes by how much income and if he makes a lot she will get more.

First of all, 1500 a month isn't a lot of money to a professional person. But mostly what you don't understand is that having a child alone means so much work, hassle, inconvenience and indefinite limitations on your freedom, that 1500 a month cannot possibly look like a good deal to put up with that. Your sil didn't have a child for the child support alone, I assure you. You should talk to the social services workers who will tell you stories of unpaid child support going back years, or women who only get a few hundred a month, or nothing at all.

Yeah back then it wasn't bad and he agreed to buy them a home in Santa Barbara and pay the mortgage until they were 18. I did work with families for many years and yes there is more women that do this whether single or married for finances, trapping the guy or they simply want to have children. If women didn't want kids they would take the pill, but many so called surprises are very much planned. The pill is highly effective but only if you take it. Yes I know my ex sil very well and she is on her 3rd husband lol and is still doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While it's not the child's fault I wouldn't want the child around my kids nor the mother etc. I can see why some couples pay the support to the court without ever seeing the mother or baby again. While men are responsible for wearing condoms, women who want to trap stupid men continue to do so by not taking the pill. With all of societies problems I think we should go back to the old way. If you are a woman that decides to have a child out of wedlock you're on your own unless the dad decides to be involved. If he's married then that woman is really out of luck. I will bet if those laws changed you wouldn't have so many women pulling this stuff. Child support is like hitting the lottery today. I knew two professional women that had kids from 2 different men and got a ton in child support because the guys had great jobs. Knowing them like I did there was no doubt they had calculated all that.

Knowing the amount of work involved in raising a child on your own, no child support could possibly compensate for this. I doubt any professional women would do it for the child support alone. Having children out of marriage for child support is simply a very foolish plan.

Oh please, so untrue. My own sil got 1500 a month back 20 years ago because my brother made great money. He was planning to divorce her and she knew she wasn't going to make a ton. Nope I've seen it and many different situations. Like taxes it goes by how much income and if he makes a lot she will get more.

Does $ 1500 even cover daycare anymore ? It certainly won't come close to covering all the food, clothing, diapers, toys, safety equipment, school supplies, insurance, etc. Not really a profit-making venture.

NP here but we definitely dont spend anywhere near 1,500 a month on food, diapers, etc. In most states daycare and medical expenses are added to the child support amount so if the mom isnt making much she will pay a small % of the daycare costs.

This was back in the 90's fyi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These stories are really sad. My friend's father had a secret love child. His mother found out when my friend was in middle school. His mother did not divorce his father because he was very wealthy and she did not want to give up the lifestyle. His parents are still married. My friend occassionally sees his half sister socially since they are now adults.

However my friend is pretty f&#ked emotionally. He is a very unhappy guy with a lot of insecurities. He says it goes back to what his fathet did.

I don't know anyone in this situation but why would it impact the children of the intact family? Did the father bring the other child around and that caused issues?

Of course it affects children of the intact family. Any time and resources the father spends on the love child is taken from the intact family, and has to be compensated somehow, typically by the cheated-on spouse. You can assume the love child and children of the marriage are in contact, and when they grow up and put two and two together, it can lead to all kinds of emotional issues. For the children of the marriage, it's about losing confidence in their father. For the love child, it's about insecurities and unmet emotional needs because daddy always goes away to his real family and no one wants me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These stories are really sad. My friend's father had a secret love child. His mother found out when my friend was in middle school. His mother did not divorce his father because he was very wealthy and she did not want to give up the lifestyle. His parents are still married. My friend occassionally sees his half sister socially since they are now adults.

However my friend is pretty f&#ked emotionally. He is a very unhappy guy with a lot of insecurities. He says it goes back to what his fathet did.

I don't know anyone in this situation but why would it impact the children of the intact family? Did the father bring the other child around and that caused issues?

Of course it affects children of the intact family. Any time and resources the father spends on the love child is taken from the intact family, and has to be compensated somehow, typically by the cheated-on spouse. You can assume the love child and children of the marriage are in contact, and when they grow up and put two and two together, it can lead to all kinds of emotional issues. For the children of the marriage, it's about losing confidence in their father. For the love child, it's about insecurities and unmet emotional needs because daddy always goes away to his real family and no one wants me.

Gotcha. I was assuming a situation where the father was not involved with the love child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These stories are really sad. My friend's father had a secret love child. His mother found out when my friend was in middle school. His mother did not divorce his father because he was very wealthy and she did not want to give up the lifestyle. His parents are still married. My friend occassionally sees his half sister socially since they are now adults.

However my friend is pretty f&#ked emotionally. He is a very unhappy guy with a lot of insecurities. He says it goes back to what his fathet did.

I don't know anyone in this situation but why would it impact the children of the intact family? Did the father bring the other child around and that caused issues?

Of course it affects children of the intact family. Any time and resources the father spends on the love child is taken from the intact family, and has to be compensated somehow, typically by the cheated-on spouse. You can assume the love child and children of the marriage are in contact, and when they grow up and put two and two together, it can lead to all kinds of emotional issues. For the children of the marriage, it's about losing confidence in their father. For the love child, it's about insecurities and unmet emotional needs because daddy always goes away to his real family and no one wants me.

I'm the one who posted about my adult guy friend. Of course it impacts him. Imagine your father had another child and concealed it. Also, he was cheating on your mother. My friend is very smart and well educated. He was born with a silver spoon but his traumas from his childhood have really crippled him. He sort of has become a bit of an angry loser. As he is getting older his mental health is detiorating. It absolutely affe ts the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While it's not the child's fault I wouldn't want the child around my kids nor the mother etc. I can see why some couples pay the support to the court without ever seeing the mother or baby again. While men are responsible for wearing condoms, women who want to trap stupid men continue to do so by not taking the pill. With all of societies problems I think we should go back to the old way. If you are a woman that decides to have a child out of wedlock you're on your own unless the dad decides to be involved. If he's married then that woman is really out of luck. I will bet if those laws changed you wouldn't have so many women pulling this stuff. Child support is like hitting the lottery today. I knew two professional women that had kids from 2 different men and got a ton in child support because the guys had great jobs. Knowing them like I did there was no doubt they had calculated all that.

Knowing the amount of work involved in raising a child on your own, no child support could possibly compensate for this. I doubt any professional women would do it for the child support alone. Having children out of marriage for child support is simply a very foolish plan.

Oh please, so untrue. My own sil got 1500 a month back 20 years ago because my brother made great money. He was planning to divorce her and she knew she wasn't going to make a ton. Nope I've seen it and many different situations. Like taxes it goes by how much income and if he makes a lot she will get more.

First of all, 1500 a month isn't a lot of money to a professional person. But mostly what you don't understand is that having a child alone means so much work, hassle, inconvenience and indefinite limitations on your freedom, that 1500 a month cannot possibly look like a good deal to put up with that. Your sil didn't have a child for the child support alone, I assure you. You should talk to the social services workers who will tell you stories of unpaid child support going back years, or women who only get a few hundred a month, or nothing at all.

There's a woman in Florida getting $4,300 a month from a NBA player WITH NO COURT ORDER IN PLACE. Can you imagine an 'easier' job than popping out a baby for $4.1k a month? Rent in FL is pretty cheap, she would only need $1K of that for housing and utilities. She'll probably get more than that once the judge gets through with it.

"Six-time NBA All-Star Amar’e Stoudemire has been slapped with a lawsuit by Miami-based beauty Quynn Lovett, who alleges he fathered her daughter last year, the Daily Mail first reported Wednesday.

Stoudemire, 34, who has four children with his wife of five years, Alexis Welch, acknowledges he could be the father of young Zoe Renee, and is paying $4,333 a month in temporary child support as a result.

Lovett, 36, is seeking full custody and permanent child-support payments in the suit. She claims Stoudemire has not been involved in her daughter’s life, nor has he contributed to paying off the $11,000 in hospital bills from the birth."

http://nypost.com/2017/08/09/amare-stoudemires-affair-with-miami-beauty-exposed/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman whose husband did this. She decided she had no reason to give up the financial comforts of her marriage. She had her husband push for 50% custody right off the bat. Judge granted visits right away and then overnights once baby was 3 months. She figured the other woman having to drop off her baby to the home of her ex-lover and his wife of 20 years was pretty delicious retribution. (Apparently other woman sobbed every time for literally years). Kid is 10 now and calls the woman "mom"--they have primary custody now. So I guess there's one example.

I'm sure stories about selling her dignity to keep her standard of living and traumatizing a postpartum mother have made your friend highly admired in your community.

Postpartum mother deserves everything she gets. Lowest form of low.

But yet the cheating husband gets to keep his wife and lifestyle? I don't think postpartum mother deserved that, and thinking of her sobbing as she dropped off her child every week only to eventually have that child call someone else 'mom'? Ouch. Why isn't the cheating husband to blame as well?

Nothing is that black and white. Meanwhile, make no mistake the pregnant woman labored under an assumption (rightly or wrongly) that she'd probably end up with the lifestyle. Why else keep the kid from a relationship born of lies and deceit. So, yes, if that kid is around the wife their entire life, the kid will almost certainly call the woman some version of 'Mom'. Just life and the outcome of a loving bond created by two people that aren't related by blood but relationship. OW needs to think of a lifetime as much as the wife.

1. Maybe the OW doesn't think an abortion is right for her.
2. Maybe the OW doesn't want to surrender the baby for adoption, even if the cheating ass DH of OP agrees
3. Maybe the OW is worried about her biological clock and this might be the only baby she ever has.
4. Maybe the OW felt she could love the baby despite the f'ed up father --which is what the majority of divorced mothers do.