Women who had their romantic life sorted out early...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Yikes lady. Feeling insecure and trying to justify your own choices much? This is objectively not true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I wouldn't trade my life for anything, I would *love* to have had my kids 5 years earlier. I had them at almost-36 and just-turned-39. Being an empty nester by my early 50's would be incredibly.

Further, I'm totally envious of my SIL, who had her first at 18, and two more by age 24. Now, at 39, she has one in college and two in high school. Obviously, the teen mom part is not ideal, but... it certainly has its benefits!

I agree. I am a poster above and I forgot to mention that because of the age difference with my kids we are very close. I think it makes a huge difference in parent-child relations if you are 20 years or 40 years apart with your child.

I agree. My mom is 20years older than me. I'm 40, she's 60 and my kids are tweens. She's been a huge part of our lives and is incredibly physically fit. I would not be a bit suprised if she lives to meet her great grandkids. She takes my kids to her summer house in Maine from mid July to the mid August and they get to have the quintessential summers in coastal Maine hiking in Acadia, eating lobster rolls and digging up clams. Since she's only 60 and fit she has a lot of energy to keep up.

At this point, my mom is like a great friend. We travel together, meet for happy hour and talk on the phone almost every day. We dont have a big generational gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Yikes lady. Feeling insecure and trying to justify your own choices much? This is objectively not true

Shrug. It's what I've seen, time and time again. But... to each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

Once you do decide to have kids, I think you will realize how absurd it is for you to imply that people would make a decision on when to start their family based on some belief that they might be able to look physically better if they wait(?). A little perspective will be very, very good for you

Please point out where I implied that. TIA.

You obviously didn't. But please don't rain on the smugness parade with your truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Hmmm...I'm 38, got married at 26, had two kids by the time I was 32 and I look younger than most moms my age. People are shocked when they learn that I have a ten year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

Once you do decide to have kids, I think you will realize how absurd it is for you to imply that people would make a decision on when to start their family based on some belief that they might be able to look physically better if they wait(?). A little perspective will be very, very good for you

Please point out where I implied that. TIA.

Haha what? That is literally the entirety of your comment. You completely failed to answer the OP's question and the only thing your comment addressed is that assertion...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

Once you do decide to have kids, I think you will realize how absurd it is for you to imply that people would make a decision on when to start their family based on some belief that they might be able to look physically better if they wait(?). A little perspective will be very, very good for you

Please point out where I implied that. TIA.

Haha what? That is literally the entirety of your comment. You completely failed to answer the OP's question and the only thing your comment addressed is that assertion...

Right, so nowhere. Thanks for playing.

[Anonymous]

Married at 21, three kids by early 30s, happily married 15 years later. Both DH and I have professional degrees and work FT outside of the house. It was hard to go through grad school and early career with little kids but I wouldn't change a thing. I feel very lucky to have found the right partner in college. There are certainly advantages to having kids later as well, so I think you have to accept the hand you are dealt. Our friends who are just starting out with having their first in their early 30s had a lot more fun in their 20s. We missed out on that but hope to get to travel once the kids are older.

[Anonymous]

Wow so basically marrying early and having children young is a great thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

Once you do decide to have kids, I think you will realize how absurd it is for you to imply that people would make a decision on when to start their family based on some belief that they might be able to look physically better if they wait(?). A little perspective will be very, very good for you

Please point out where I implied that. TIA.

Haha what? That is literally the entirety of your comment. You completely failed to answer the OP's question and the only thing your comment addressed is that assertion...

Right, so nowhere. Thanks for playing.

Loll oh god it's YOU!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

Once you do decide to have kids, I think you will realize how absurd it is for you to imply that people would make a decision on when to start their family based on some belief that they might be able to look physically better if they wait(?). A little perspective will be very, very good for you

Please point out where I implied that. TIA.

Haha what? That is literally the entirety of your comment. You completely failed to answer the OP's question and the only thing your comment addressed is that assertion...

Right, so nowhere. Thanks for playing.

Loll oh god it's YOU!

It's me. Run, run while you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

Once you do decide to have kids, I think you will realize how absurd it is for you to imply that people would make a decision on when to start their family based on some belief that they might be able to look physically better if they wait(?). A little perspective will be very, very good for you

Please point out where I implied that. TIA.

Haha what? That is literally the entirety of your comment. You completely failed to answer the OP's question and the only thing your comment addressed is that assertion...

Right, so nowhere. Thanks for playing.

Loll oh god it's YOU!

It's me. Run, run while you can.

PP you are cracking me up in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

Once you do decide to have kids, I think you will realize how absurd it is for you to imply that people would make a decision on when to start their family based on some belief that they might be able to look physically better if they wait(?). A little perspective will be very, very good for you

Please point out where I implied that. TIA.

Haha what? That is literally the entirety of your comment. You completely failed to answer the OP's question and the only thing your comment addressed is that assertion...

Right, so nowhere. Thanks for playing.

Loll oh god it's YOU!

It's me. Run, run while you can.

PP you are cracking me up in this thread.

Hm. Don't get out much, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

Once you do decide to have kids, I think you will realize how absurd it is for you to imply that people would make a decision on when to start their family based on some belief that they might be able to look physically better if they wait(?). A little perspective will be very, very good for you

Please point out where I implied that. TIA.

Haha what? That is literally the entirety of your comment. You completely failed to answer the OP's question and the only thing your comment addressed is that assertion...

Right, so nowhere. Thanks for playing.

Loll oh god it's YOU!

It's me. Run, run while you can.

PP you are cracking me up in this thread.

Hm. Don't get out much, do you?

Aw. Now don't get mouthy with the nice poster (thanks!) because you got bested.

Thanks for playing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got married at 21, had last child by 27.

IF it works out, it is the best thing ever. But it's a big "if"! Having kids so young was a deeply isolating experience. We are white, so there's no cultural fabric of people around us who have chosen similar timelines. And we are millennials living in NYC so, needless to say, we march to the beat of our own drummer. It is not a path followed by hardly any college educated professionals, which we also are. We have always made excellent money, which is how we floated daycare payments plus saved for retirement.

We are 31 now, and most of my friends are completely jealous of the fact that I'm about to have two elementary schoolers. I have friends who wish the did what we did but, truthfully, I don't think they'd have had the dicipline to do what we've done. Our careers haven't suffered, as we will probably cross a HHI of $500,000 in a few years. That said, our social life is pretty bleak. Most of our friends are much older. We've always made decisions sort of in our own world.

Most of our friends are starting to get nervous about putting it all together, and having kids ridiculously early has, oddly, been easier on our careers than having a kid mid 30s would have been, when you're trying to make partner with a baby and toddler underfoot.

There are several studies that say you did the right thing economically by having kids early: it's easier on your career and earning potential.

Really? I am the OP.

I haven't seen any studies, but I once read that women would be better off delaying their entry into the work force by five years to get all the baby having out of the way, and then be able to focus professionally. It spoke to me, because while we didn't delay entry, I have found it easier to become more senior at work with big kids. Everyone we are competing with is sleep deprived.

NPR had an economist on who discussed it and the data showed that women are better off getting married and quickly popping out two kids shortly after college since they still have plenty of time to focus on a career after staying home for a short period. It makes sense.

This was 100% my experience. Had kids at 24 &26, returned to work at 30 (or really started my career) and now, 10 years later, not only have caught up to my DH, but out earn him by 30%. We're 40, kids are 16 & 14, college is fully funded and by the age of 45 we'll be empty nesters with a high HHI, not financially burdened with kids and are looking forward to lots of golf, travel, and tennis. Sitting here at 40, i could not begin to fathom changing diapers.

I am 39, almost 40. I am still changing diapers. My youngest is 2. My oldest is five. I recently stopped working full-time after 17 years in my profession. I saved a lot in retirement. I never would have been able to save as much as I have if I had kids earlier.