Women who had their romantic life sorted out early...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are divorcing with teen kids. I am 47. This may sound weird but it is working great for me. Kids will be gone in 4 years and I won't have to "take care" of anyone but myself.

I have a good job so that makes a huge difference.

We're not quite at the divorce stage but I can forsee a similar outcome in a few years when I'm late 40s. I'm glad I got married and had kids young. My husband is great and we've had a happy and comfortable marriage but after 20+ years we've grown apart some.

If you're 47 with teen kids, you didn't get done with child rearing "early".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a woman who met and married your husbands in your early to mid twenties, how did it turn out?
Are you satisfied with your choice? Why or why not?
Where you also able to finish having a kid or two by early thirties? How did that work out?

I ask because as a soon to be wed 30something, I sometimes wish I was married earlier so I could have started baby making early and be done with it earlier.

Married at age 23. Recently celebrated our 20 year anniversary. Still happily married. I was 38 when I had my last child (who was a wonderful surprise---otherwise I would have been 36 when I had my second to last).

I think there are pros and cons to marrying young or waiting until you are older.

So glad I found my DH when we were both young and weren't set in our ways. I have lots of friends who are still dating and they report that older bachelors tend to be very set in their ways and really aren't capable of compromise or real intimacy. They seem to prefer living alone and having space despite saying they want to settle down. (These guys are in their 40s/50s.)

Glad DH and I have been together for 25 years. We basically feel like we've always been together. Glad he met/knew my grandparents before they died (and vice versa). Feel like we have a common history.

We waited a little while before having kids. I was 28 when we had our first. Glad we waited and spent time traveling and having fun. Glad we started early enough so we could have a big family. Glad we were financially stable and ready to start a family.

My friends started having kids when they were slightly younger and they stopped at two, so they will be empty nesters long before we will. I'm a little envious. They have big plans to travel. It would be nice to travel with your spouse while you're still young.

[Anonymous]

Got married at 23, had two kids by 31 and plan to have two more by 36. I prioritized getting married over career. I know that's not everyone's cup of tea but for me it has turned out exactly how I wanted it to. SAHM married to a high earner. Comfortable lifestyle, lots of family time, savings, able to focus on maintaining my looks in addition to everything else required of a mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got married at 21, had last child by 27.

IF it works out, it is the best thing ever. But it's a big "if"! Having kids so young was a deeply isolating experience. We are white, so there's no cultural fabric of people around us who have chosen similar timelines. And we are millennials living in NYC so, needless to say, we march to the beat of our own drummer. It is not a path followed by hardly any college educated professionals, which we also are. We have always made excellent money, which is how we floated daycare payments plus saved for retirement.

We are 31 now, and most of my friends are completely jealous of the fact that I'm about to have two elementary schoolers. I have friends who wish the did what we did but, truthfully, I don't think they'd have had the dicipline to do what we've done. Our careers haven't suffered, as we will probably cross a HHI of $500,000 in a few years. That said, our social life is pretty bleak. Most of our friends are much older. We've always made decisions sort of in our own world.

Most of our friends are starting to get nervous about putting it all together, and having kids ridiculously early has, oddly, been easier on our careers than having a kid mid 30s would have been, when you're trying to make partner with a baby and toddler underfoot.

There are several studies that say you did the right thing economically by having kids early: it's easier on your career and earning potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your cats will comfort you in your twilight years.

And your husband will be enjoying a parade of 20-something callgirls and strippers.

NP. And I'll be enjoying a parade of pool boys and frat stars. Woo hoo!!!

Yeah, because all 21 year old guys are just beating down the door for a chance at some post menopausal poon.

An 50 year old woman can get laid by a 20 year old man WAY easier than the opposite.

And doesn't that fact just KILL you? With your post midlife crisis saggy balls?

I am the 47 year old divorcing... no 21 year olds but 33-40... all day long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a woman who met and married your husbands in your early to mid twenties, how did it turn out?
Are you satisfied with your choice? Why or why not?
Where you also able to finish having a kid or two by early thirties? How did that work out?

I ask because as a soon to be wed 30something, I sometimes wish I was married earlier so I could have started baby making early and be done with it earlier.

I met my DH at 19 (he was 25) and we married when I was 23 (he was 29). Both of us have college degrees, and we had 4 children (including twins) by the time I was 30 (and he was 36).

It's turned out amazingly well, but I attribute most of that to luck and also external factors such as a supportive, close-knit family, as well as ample income from our own business. I'm very satisfied. We're still each other's best friends today, 30 years after meeting. We've paid off our home, put 3 kids through college, traveled, stayed close to family, nourished independent friendships, and saved up a healthy retirement. Our youngest daughter starts her college sophomore year next month.

Everything isn't rosy, since I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer 2 years ago, though I'm still here and on meds. In retrospect, I'm particularly glad I married and had children young, since I became sick at age 45. FWIW, my mom married at age 20 and just celebrated 58 years of marriage, and my sister married at age 19 and celebrates her 36th wedding anniversary next month. Their successful relationships definitely predisposed me to early wedlock. My 24-year-old daughter has been with her boyfriend for a year, and I believe she'll get engaged soon.

Congrats on your impending wedding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your cats will comfort you in your twilight years.

And your husband will be enjoying a parade of 20-something callgirls and strippers.

NP. And I'll be enjoying a parade of pool boys and frat stars. Woo hoo!!!

Yeah, because all 21 year old guys are just beating down the door for a chance at some post menopausal poon.

Still an ass, I see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got married at 21, had last child by 27.

IF it works out, it is the best thing ever. But it's a big "if"! Having kids so young was a deeply isolating experience. We are white, so there's no cultural fabric of people around us who have chosen similar timelines. And we are millennials living in NYC so, needless to say, we march to the beat of our own drummer. It is not a path followed by hardly any college educated professionals, which we also are. We have always made excellent money, which is how we floated daycare payments plus saved for retirement.

We are 31 now, and most of my friends are completely jealous of the fact that I'm about to have two elementary schoolers. I have friends who wish the did what we did but, truthfully, I don't think they'd have had the dicipline to do what we've done. Our careers haven't suffered, as we will probably cross a HHI of $500,000 in a few years. That said, our social life is pretty bleak. Most of our friends are much older. We've always made decisions sort of in our own world.

Most of our friends are starting to get nervous about putting it all together, and having kids ridiculously early has, oddly, been easier on our careers than having a kid mid 30s would have been, when you're trying to make partner with a baby and toddler underfoot.

There are several studies that say you did the right thing economically by having kids early: it's easier on your career and earning potential.

Really? I am the OP.

I haven't seen any studies, but I once read that women would be better off delaying their entry into the work force by five years to get all the baby having out of the way, and then be able to focus professionally. It spoke to me, because while we didn't delay entry, I have found it easier to become more senior at work with big kids. Everyone we are competing with is sleep deprived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got married at 21, had last child by 27.

IF it works out, it is the best thing ever. But it's a big "if"! Having kids so young was a deeply isolating experience. We are white, so there's no cultural fabric of people around us who have chosen similar timelines. And we are millennials living in NYC so, needless to say, we march to the beat of our own drummer. It is not a path followed by hardly any college educated professionals, which we also are. We have always made excellent money, which is how we floated daycare payments plus saved for retirement.

We are 31 now, and most of my friends are completely jealous of the fact that I'm about to have two elementary schoolers. I have friends who wish the did what we did but, truthfully, I don't think they'd have had the dicipline to do what we've done. Our careers haven't suffered, as we will probably cross a HHI of $500,000 in a few years. That said, our social life is pretty bleak. Most of our friends are much older. We've always made decisions sort of in our own world.

Most of our friends are starting to get nervous about putting it all together, and having kids ridiculously early has, oddly, been easier on our careers than having a kid mid 30s would have been, when you're trying to make partner with a baby and toddler underfoot.

There are several studies that say you did the right thing economically by having kids early: it's easier on your career and earning potential.

Really? I am the OP.

I haven't seen any studies, but I once read that women would be better off delaying their entry into the work force by five years to get all the baby having out of the way, and then be able to focus professionally. It spoke to me, because while we didn't delay entry, I have found it easier to become more senior at work with big kids. Everyone we are competing with is sleep deprived.

NPR had an economist on who discussed it and the data showed that women are better off getting married and quickly popping out two kids shortly after college since they still have plenty of time to focus on a career after staying home for a short period. It makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Met DH at 23, didn't date until 26, married at 27 and had first of 3 kids at 32. So, we were very good friends before we got together and after we wed we had a few years to have fun, save money and focus on our careers. All of that really helped us become great friends and have mutual expectations. We are now empty nesters and love being together. We have definitely faced big challenges due to child health issues but we made our way through them. The lesson learned for me is that first and foremost my spouse needs to be my best friend. He's that and I'm lucky that we still have passion after 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Married at 22, still married to the same guy 25 years later. Have two kids, older teens. If I tried to imagine it, I couldn't have imagined it better than this. I think I got lucky. I am also "level headed" and not a dreamer, so I don't know if that makes a difference in being happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got married at 21, had last child by 27.

IF it works out, it is the best thing ever. But it's a big "if"! Having kids so young was a deeply isolating experience. We are white, so there's no cultural fabric of people around us who have chosen similar timelines. And we are millennials living in NYC so, needless to say, we march to the beat of our own drummer. It is not a path followed by hardly any college educated professionals, which we also are. We have always made excellent money, which is how we floated daycare payments plus saved for retirement.

We are 31 now, and most of my friends are completely jealous of the fact that I'm about to have two elementary schoolers. I have friends who wish the did what we did but, truthfully, I don't think they'd have had the dicipline to do what we've done. Our careers haven't suffered, as we will probably cross a HHI of $500,000 in a few years. That said, our social life is pretty bleak. Most of our friends are much older. We've always made decisions sort of in our own world.

Most of our friends are starting to get nervous about putting it all together, and having kids ridiculously early has, oddly, been easier on our careers than having a kid mid 30s would have been, when you're trying to make partner with a baby and toddler underfoot.

There are several studies that say you did the right thing economically by having kids early: it's easier on your career and earning potential.

Really, my husband had kids early and later. Later financially and emotionally was much easier. He had his first at 18, then a few more. They divorced after 10 years. Since the divorce, he got his degree and has done much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got married at 21, had last child by 27.

IF it works out, it is the best thing ever. But it's a big "if"! Having kids so young was a deeply isolating experience. We are white, so there's no cultural fabric of people around us who have chosen similar timelines. And we are millennials living in NYC so, needless to say, we march to the beat of our own drummer. It is not a path followed by hardly any college educated professionals, which we also are. We have always made excellent money, which is how we floated daycare payments plus saved for retirement.

We are 31 now, and most of my friends are completely jealous of the fact that I'm about to have two elementary schoolers. I have friends who wish the did what we did but, truthfully, I don't think they'd have had the dicipline to do what we've done. Our careers haven't suffered, as we will probably cross a HHI of $500,000 in a few years. That said, our social life is pretty bleak. Most of our friends are much older. We've always made decisions sort of in our own world.

Most of our friends are starting to get nervous about putting it all together, and having kids ridiculously early has, oddly, been easier on our careers than having a kid mid 30s would have been, when you're trying to make partner with a baby and toddler underfoot.

There are several studies that say you did the right thing economically by having kids early: it's easier on your career and earning potential.

Really, my husband had kids early and later. Later financially and emotionally was much easier. He had his first at 18, then a few more. They divorced after 10 years. Since the divorce, he got his degree and has done much better.

Having a baby at 18 obviously isn't wise.

The NPR segment I'm referring to really focused on the old fashioned approach of graduating from college and quickly marrying and popping out two kids. The data really seemed to focus on women and what's best for them: get a degree, marry a guy with a degree and good job, stay home for a little while with your babies, then build your career. Life does get easier when your kids are in school all day (cheaper too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got married at 21, had last child by 27.

IF it works out, it is the best thing ever. But it's a big "if"! Having kids so young was a deeply isolating experience. We are white, so there's no cultural fabric of people around us who have chosen similar timelines. And we are millennials living in NYC so, needless to say, we march to the beat of our own drummer. It is not a path followed by hardly any college educated professionals, which we also are. We have always made excellent money, which is how we floated daycare payments plus saved for retirement.

We are 31 now, and most of my friends are completely jealous of the fact that I'm about to have two elementary schoolers. I have friends who wish the did what we did but, truthfully, I don't think they'd have had the dicipline to do what we've done. Our careers haven't suffered, as we will probably cross a HHI of $500,000 in a few years. That said, our social life is pretty bleak. Most of our friends are much older. We've always made decisions sort of in our own world.

Most of our friends are starting to get nervous about putting it all together, and having kids ridiculously early has, oddly, been easier on our careers than having a kid mid 30s would have been, when you're trying to make partner with a baby and toddler underfoot.

There are several studies that say you did the right thing economically by having kids early: it's easier on your career and earning potential.

Really, my husband had kids early and later. Later financially and emotionally was much easier. He had his first at 18, then a few more. They divorced after 10 years. Since the divorce, he got his degree and has done much better.

His situation as an uneducated teen father is different than a professional who got married out of their own free will (no external pressures of a shotgun wedding), just much earlier than others.