Women who had their romantic life sorted out early...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are divorcing with teen kids. I am 47. This may sound weird but it is working great for me. Kids will be gone in 4 years and I won't have to "take care" of anyone but myself.

I have a good job so that makes a huge difference.

We're not quite at the divorce stage but I can forsee a similar outcome in a few years when I'm late 40s. I'm glad I got married and had kids young. My husband is great and we've had a happy and comfortable marriage but after 20+ years we've grown apart some.

If you're 47 with teen kids, you didn't get done with child rearing "early".

Yea...right?? Whrn im 47, my kids will be 20 & 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got married at 21, had last child by 27.

IF it works out, it is the best thing ever. But it's a big "if"! Having kids so young was a deeply isolating experience. We are white, so there's no cultural fabric of people around us who have chosen similar timelines. And we are millennials living in NYC so, needless to say, we march to the beat of our own drummer. It is not a path followed by hardly any college educated professionals, which we also are. We have always made excellent money, which is how we floated daycare payments plus saved for retirement.

We are 31 now, and most of my friends are completely jealous of the fact that I'm about to have two elementary schoolers. I have friends who wish the did what we did but, truthfully, I don't think they'd have had the dicipline to do what we've done. Our careers haven't suffered, as we will probably cross a HHI of $500,000 in a few years. That said, our social life is pretty bleak. Most of our friends are much older. We've always made decisions sort of in our own world.

Most of our friends are starting to get nervous about putting it all together, and having kids ridiculously early has, oddly, been easier on our careers than having a kid mid 30s would have been, when you're trying to make partner with a baby and toddler underfoot.

There are several studies that say you did the right thing economically by having kids early: it's easier on your career and earning potential.

Really? I am the OP.

I haven't seen any studies, but I once read that women would be better off delaying their entry into the work force by five years to get all the baby having out of the way, and then be able to focus professionally. It spoke to me, because while we didn't delay entry, I have found it easier to become more senior at work with big kids. Everyone we are competing with is sleep deprived.

NPR had an economist on who discussed it and the data showed that women are better off getting married and quickly popping out two kids shortly after college since they still have plenty of time to focus on a career after staying home for a short period. It makes sense.

This was 100% my experience. Had kids at 24 &26, returned to work at 30 (or really started my career) and now, 10 years later, not only have caught up to my DH, but out earn him by 30%. We're 40, kids are 16 & 14, college is fully funded and by the age of 45 we'll be empty nesters with a high HHI, not financially burdened with kids and are looking forward to lots of golf, travel, and tennis. Sitting here at 40, i could not begin to fathom changing diapers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got married at 21, had last child by 27.

IF it works out, it is the best thing ever. But it's a big "if"! Having kids so young was a deeply isolating experience. We are white, so there's no cultural fabric of people around us who have chosen similar timelines. And we are millennials living in NYC so, needless to say, we march to the beat of our own drummer. It is not a path followed by hardly any college educated professionals, which we also are. We have always made excellent money, which is how we floated daycare payments plus saved for retirement.

We are 31 now, and most of my friends are completely jealous of the fact that I'm about to have two elementary schoolers. I have friends who wish the did what we did but, truthfully, I don't think they'd have had the dicipline to do what we've done. Our careers haven't suffered, as we will probably cross a HHI of $500,000 in a few years. That said, our social life is pretty bleak. Most of our friends are much older. We've always made decisions sort of in our own world.

Most of our friends are starting to get nervous about putting it all together, and having kids ridiculously early has, oddly, been easier on our careers than having a kid mid 30s would have been, when you're trying to make partner with a baby and toddler underfoot.

There are several studies that say you did the right thing economically by having kids early: it's easier on your career and earning potential.

Really? I am the OP.

I haven't seen any studies, but I once read that women would be better off delaying their entry into the work force by five years to get all the baby having out of the way, and then be able to focus professionally. It spoke to me, because while we didn't delay entry, I have found it easier to become more senior at work with big kids. Everyone we are competing with is sleep deprived.

NPR had an economist on who discussed it and the data showed that women are better off getting married and quickly popping out two kids shortly after college since they still have plenty of time to focus on a career after staying home for a short period. It makes sense.

Man, that really does make so much sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

Once you do decide to have kids, I think you will realize how absurd it is for you to imply that people would make a decision on when to start their family based on some belief that they might be able to look physically better if they wait(?). A little perspective will be very, very good for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

NP here: I had kids young and of course I look more tired than someone my age without kids. Plus I have a special needs child and have developed issues of my own...I have 2 impingements of my spinal column due to bad arthritis. I am in my mid 30s and haven't slept a full night since I was 27. No shit some childless woman looks Younger. If that is your priority, never have kids!!! it isn't some big secret that parenting is hard.

Haha yeah that PO has some growing up to do. And actually in terms of your body recovering from pregnancy, earlier is probably better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

Once you do decide to have kids, I think you will realize how absurd it is for you to imply that people would make a decision on when to start their family based on some belief that they might be able to look physically better if they wait(?). A little perspective will be very, very good for you

Please point out where I implied that. TIA.

[Anonymous]

Did everything out of order: had a baby, got married, graduated, had another baby. Divorcing. Sucks.

[Anonymous]

While I wouldn't trade my life for anything, I would *love* to have had my kids 5 years earlier. I had them at almost-36 and just-turned-39. Being an empty nester by my early 50's would be incredibly.

Further, I'm totally envious of my SIL, who had her first at 18, and two more by age 24. Now, at 39, she has one in college and two in high school. Obviously, the teen mom part is not ideal, but... it certainly has its benefits!

[Anonymous]

I married early, had my kids in my 20s (last one was born few days after I turned 30), went to grad school at 27. I am so glad I've done it in that order. I am 40 now, first kid starts the college and by 47 all kids will be out of the house. I really enjoy being 40 and having older kids who can drive themselves around and who doesn't need a babysitter when we decide to go out. We can leave them home along and go for a short vacation together. I have a lot of friends in their 40s who are changing diapers now and I don't think I could do it. It is nice to be able to sleep 8 h. every single night at your late 30s and 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I wouldn't trade my life for anything, I would *love* to have had my kids 5 years earlier. I had them at almost-36 and just-turned-39. Being an empty nester by my early 50's would be incredibly.

Further, I'm totally envious of my SIL, who had her first at 18, and two more by age 24. Now, at 39, she has one in college and two in high school. Obviously, the teen mom part is not ideal, but... it certainly has its benefits!

I agree. I am a poster above and I forgot to mention that because of the age difference with my kids we are very close. I think it makes a huge difference in parent-child relations if you are 20 years or 40 years apart with your child.

[Anonymous]

You can't generalize or predict this kind of thing. I have friends who married at 24 and are still happy many years later, and I have friends who married before 30 and divorced within 4 years. All I know is that if I had married any of the guys I dated in my 20's, it would have ended in disaster. I married at 33 and have a child. It took time for me to find myself, and then the right guy came along. I am a little jealous of those who began building their family and joint finances earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

NP here: I had kids young and of course I look more tired than someone my age without kids. Plus I have a special needs child and have developed issues of my own...I have 2 impingements of my spinal column due to bad arthritis. I am in my mid 30s and haven't slept a full night since I was 27. No shit some childless woman looks Younger. If that is your priority, never have kids!!! it isn't some big secret that parenting is hard.

Haha yeah that PO has some growing up to do. And actually in terms of your body recovering from pregnancy, earlier is probably better

I had my kids in my early and mid 20s. My oldest is 27. He is married with two children. I'm 49 and when the kids are with me, people always assume I am their mother. I must not look too rough. I adore spending time with my grandkids and I'm thankful that I am youngish, healthy, and fit. I cannot imagine trying to do it full time! Chasing kids is much easier at 25!

Another benefit. My grandchildren still have four healthy, active great-grandparents. My in-laws and my parents are in their early 70s. They can stil run around with their great grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Uhhhhh. Oh well okay in THAT case, let me go ahead and entirely base my major life decisions off of some random internet troll's nonsensical opinion about my physical potential in 30 years. Definitely gotta get my priorities straight here

Great contribution, really. I'm guessing you waited to have your kids when you were AMA are are feeling insecure about it? Typ

Um, wrong actually. I'm still in my "early childbearing years", so I could change that if I wanted to.

I was just making an observation on the people I have met in my life. And you're right, I am a "random" stranger on the internet.

But damn if it didn't hit a nerve! JFC. I'll just back away slowly, leave you to lick whatever wound I touched...

Once you do decide to have kids, I think you will realize how absurd it is for you to imply that people would make a decision on when to start their family based on some belief that they might be able to look physically better if they wait(?). A little perspective will be very, very good for you

+1

[Anonymous]

Everyone is different. I never worked out my love life, and at age r6, was fortunate to adopt a healthy newborn girl. Worked out great for me. Best wishes on your path to matrimony/kids!

[Anonymous]

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