Women who had their romantic life sorted out early...

[Anonymous]

Met my husband at 16, dated 19-23, married at 24, kids at 27, 29, 31 and 33. I stayed home for a few years while my husband built his career. Then went back to school to become a teacher. (I had been an analyst). Returned to work when my kids went to elementary school. Had a fairly conventional, not too ambitious several years. Hit my 40s and had sudden energy and desire to kill it professionally. Wrote a book, became known for something pretty specific I can't share without outing myself. Made good money against all odds. Marriage is happy, though I think it's because I am a happy person. Be grateful for what life presents you with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met my husband at 16, dated 19-23, married at 24, kids at 27, 29, 31 and 33. I stayed home for a few years while my husband built his career. Then went back to school to become a teacher. (I had been an analyst). Returned to work when my kids went to elementary school. Had a fairly conventional, not too ambitious several years. Hit my 40s and had sudden energy and desire to kill it professionally. Wrote a book, became known for something pretty specific I can't share without outing myself. Made good money against all odds. Marriage is happy, though I think it's because I am a happy person. Be grateful for what life presents you with.

That's awesome. Good for you

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Yikes lady. Feeling insecure and trying to justify your own choices much? This is objectively not true

Shrug. It's what I've seen, time and time again. But... to each their own.

You are clueless. As a woman who became a parent in my 30s, having kids older wrecks absolute HAVOC on an older person. There is no comparison. My niece recently had a baby at 23 (5 months ago) and we just got back from the beach where she was parading around in her bikini, but cheeks barely covered. Not a single inch of lose skin or flab. Young bodies bounce. Young bodies are biologically designed to bear children.

You will not find a single older mother who will tell you that having kids at an older age will perserve your looks. It's the absolute down fall into rapid middle age.

Not talking about bodies, really, talking about overall youthfulness and specifically the appearance of the face.

Oh dear god, how i wish this were true! I grew up out west and women in my town got married and had babies early. Boy, was there a striking difference at my HS reunion between those of us who were still changing diapers and those whose kids were in high school. It was us older moms who looked more rough for the wear

And ive taken great care of my body and skin, but wowsers, babies in my late 30s was rough

+1. Unfortunately! I wish it weren't true....buuuut it is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met my husband at 16, dated 19-23, married at 24, kids at 27, 29, 31 and 33. I stayed home for a few years while my husband built his career. Then went back to school to become a teacher. (I had been an analyst). Returned to work when my kids went to elementary school. Had a fairly conventional, not too ambitious several years. Hit my 40s and had sudden energy and desire to kill it professionally. Wrote a book, became known for something pretty specific I can't share without outing myself. Made good money against all odds. Marriage is happy, though I think it's because I am a happy person. Be grateful for what life presents you with.

That's awesome. Good for you

Thanks! I think we often make the mistake of thinking our lives need to be linear. That we need to marry by x age and be professionally successful at x point. In truth, ambition can wax and wane, and partnership is so important that it's worth waiting for the right person. Everyone cautioned me against marrying my first boyfriend, against leaving the work force, but there's no way I'd have accomplished what I've accomplished if I'd taken the straight and narrow path. No regrets. Do what fills you with passion, and spend time with people who bring you joy. And know that there will be bumps and curveballs and that's just part of the journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married young, early 20s. Had kids in early 30s (by choice). I wouldn't trade it for anything. We had a lot of years as a couple to travel, work, buy a house, hang out with friends as a couple before having kids.

Be happy with what you have.

This is what we did. Not planned yet ended up be perfect for us in retrospect.

[Anonymous]

Got my MBA at 23, met my DH at 26 and got married at 27. Three kids beginning at age 32. Five year gap between getting married and having kids allowed us to build our careers and have a ton of fun. But, having kids was the best thing we ever did and now they are married with their own babies. I'm still crazy about my DH as he's been a great husband, my best friend, a wonderful dad and now grandad. It also helps that my DH has been very successful allowing me to retire from the corporate world to focus on non-profit work. He just retired and its really nice to see him having fun.

[Anonymous]

There is no one right way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad as it seems like the majority of you are very happy with having kids and getting married young.
I am 32 now and still single. I only wanted kids before 30, ideally at about 27-29/30, those days are gone now. I don't want to be an older mom.
The days of having kids have passed for me now and that is hard to take.

I met my DH at 32, married at 35 and had a kid at 36. I'm now 38 and we're debating whether to have another. You have plenty of time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We started dating at 15. Dated all the way through high school and college. Got married our junior year in college at 21. I was pregnant when I graduated from college (planned) at 22. I was done having babies at 32. We are 50 years old and have been married almost 30 years. We have five children and two grandchildren. Life is good.

That's my life. You should focus on yours. There is no perfect way. We all play the hand we are dealt.

What's your career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad as it seems like the majority of you are very happy with having kids and getting married young.
I am 32 now and still single. I only wanted kids before 30, ideally at about 27-29/30, those days are gone now. I don't want to be an older mom.
The days of having kids have passed for me now and that is hard to take.

I met my DH at 32, married at 35 and had a kid at 36. I'm now 38 and we're debating whether to have another. You have plenty of time!

Thanks but I only ever wanted kids in my late twenties/very early thirties. It isn't wrong at all if it works for others but I never wanted to be an older mom.

[Anonymous]

College sweethearts, got married when I was 21 and he was 24 but we waited to have kids until much later! I was 33 when my first was born. Kids are now 2 and 4. We had some rocky years in there, but for the most part, we're a team. We grew up together to some extent. Certainly, the romance faded for us a lot over the years . . . but we rekindle from time to time and there's a lot more . . . substance, for lack of a better word, to our love than there used to be. I have a great many complaints about him (and he about me) but I think that's just part of being together for so long, especially with such . . . strong personalities. We rub up against each other's rough edges a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad as it seems like the majority of you are very happy with having kids and getting married young.
I am 32 now and still single. I only wanted kids before 30, ideally at about 27-29/30, those days are gone now. I don't want to be an older mom.
The days of having kids have passed for me now and that is hard to take.

I met my DH at 32, married at 35 and had a kid at 36. I'm now 38 and we're debating whether to have another. You have plenty of time!

Thanks but I only ever wanted kids in my late twenties/very early thirties. It isn't wrong at all if it works for others but I never wanted to be an older mom.

Wow, talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face, pp. If you actually want kids, then you can have them. If you don't want them, ok but just because you "never wanted to be an older mom" i.e. In your mid-thirties. That's just silly.

[Anonymous]

DH and I met in college at age 20, got married in our mid-20s, and we had our first child at age 30. We're now 35 with two kids.

I wouldn't trade that time together for anything, and I love that we had years - YEARS - of just hanging out and playing video games (in college, grad school) before life got more serious.

But it's also the case that I sometimes feel like I missed out on something that I can see that my friends have had: being a young twenty-something, living alone in a city, making decisions (like about my career) with just me in mind.

There are advantages and disadvantages to meeting the love of your life at a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got married at 23, had two kids by 31 and plan to have two more by 36. I prioritized getting married over career. I know that's not everyone's cup of tea but for me it has turned out exactly how I wanted it to. SAHM married to a high earner. Comfortable lifestyle, lots of family time, savings, able to focus on maintaining my looks in addition to everything else required of a mom.

Wow you actually say that focusing on your looks is more important than cultivating a career. Wowzers.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Got married at 21, had last child by 27.

IF it works out, it is the best thing ever. But it's a big "if"! Having kids so young was a deeply isolating experience. We are white, so there's no cultural fabric of people around us who have chosen similar timelines. And we are millennials living in NYC so, needless to say, we march to the beat of our own drummer. It is not a path followed by hardly any college educated professionals, which we also are. We have always made excellent money, which is how we floated daycare payments plus saved for retirement.

We are 31 now, and most of my friends are completely jealous of the fact that I'm about to have two elementary schoolers. I have friends who wish the did what we did but, truthfully, I don't think they'd have had the dicipline to do what we've done. Our careers haven't suffered, as we will probably cross a HHI of $500,000 in a few years. That said, our social life is pretty bleak. Most of our friends are much older. We've always made decisions sort of in our own world.

Most of our friends are starting to get nervous about putting it all together, and having kids ridiculously early has, oddly, been easier on our careers than having a kid mid 30s would have been, when you're trying to make partner with a baby and toddler underfoot.

There are several studies that say you did the right thing economically by having kids early: it's easier on your career and earning potential.

Really? I am the OP.

I haven't seen any studies, but I once read that women would be better off delaying their entry into the work force by five years to get all the baby having out of the way, and then be able to focus professionally. It spoke to me, because while we didn't delay entry, I have found it easier to become more senior at work with big kids. Everyone we are competing with is sleep deprived.

NPR had an economist on who discussed it and the data showed that women are better off getting married and quickly popping out two kids shortly after college since they still have plenty of time to focus on a career after staying home for a short period. It makes sense.

Makes no sense for those of us who go straight to business or law school out of college.