My in laws are killing me

[Anonymous]

^^^ How do they make a fuss?

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier about my in laws who have been staying with us for 6+ months and how their presence is calming, etc. Yeah, um, I'm ready for them to go.... Too much energy spent on them and not what I need to focus on to take care of my family.

[Anonymous]

OP, my ILs are visiting as well. I just invented a work emergency and am taking the day off. So far I have had coffee and a croissant at a lovely cafe, got a pedicure, did a bit of shopping and heading out to lunch with a friend. Think I might catch a movie later, heaven! Next time I think I will book a whole day at the spa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]How would you be feeling if these were your parents visiting from India for two weeks?[/b] My guess is you'd be going out of your way to do things for them that you don't normally do at home with just your spouse and kid.
I'm Indian (grew up in India) and my parents visit once a year, for 2-3 weeks at a time. A visit from my parents means more grocery runs, trips to the Indian store, cooking more meals a day, more dishes and laundry. My parents willingly pitch in, but like lots of Indians they are used to having household help at home and there's only so much they can do. They don't really feel confident taking my kids out by themselves, and sometimes it feels like I have 4 babies on my hands. I work part-time too, so in short, this is all a lot of extra work for me. I don't complain and neither does my husband. He goes out of his way to make their visit comfortable and so do I. It's worth it to be able to have your child spend time with his/ her grandparents! They are your family too!
Ask your MIL for her recipes, maybe she'll offer to help you in the kitchen. Similarly you could ask your FIL to help with stuff around the house - I took my dad to Home Depot and he was like a kid in a candy store, and busied himself changing all the lightbulbs, anchoring a dresser and whatnot! Even if they don't help out, it's just two weeks and will go by quickly.

The bolded is unfair to the OP. So you like to pamper your parents. Good for you! OP may not like to(or is not able to) do as much, and that is ok too. Taking care of everyone is tough and draining.

The fact that your parents (and probably OP's in-laws) have help back home is a silly excuse for not realizing that one can do some work to help ease the burden in an environment where there is no help.

I am African, and when my 80 year old grandmother visits, she cooks and cleans after herself. She hardly does that back home, but she understands that there are less people to help here.

Anyone with empathy would offer to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can definitely empathize, but it's very similar to how things are with my own mother and mother-in-law who are both American born and raised. Our parents were on the older side when they had us and we had kids in our early 40s. So we have moms in their late 70s and they aren't rushing around doing housework. My own mom does a lot of child care but even with my first-born she's sit on the couch during week 1 and ask me what's for dinner. You can't change who your parents or in-laws are...it is what it is. Plus, unfortunately, for a lot of people who become parents at an older age, you have to sometimes care for your own parents while you care for your young children. And there are no grandpas, either

70s is not that old if you are not ill. The in-laws can probably make their own breakfast(Op indicated that they can take care of themselves), heat up leftovers for dinner, and wash their plates.

They can offer to do light cleaning such as cleaning the counters and doing dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get all the "suck it up" comments. The ILs' son married an American and lives in America--why should their culture and family's expectation of a DIL apply?

I would turn it around, "In our culture, we don't cook every meal." etc.

You marry into a family, that's why.

That's how Indians think of it. Americans think we have formed a new family after marriage with our own traditions and ways of doing things. We don't have to follow the norms and desires of a 70 something year old from India because we married their son.

The only problem is that you married a man raised in their culture so he will feel guilty if his parents are treated differently by his wife.

Doesn't he feel guilty that his wife is overwhelmed from taking care of his parents?

Don't the parents feel guilty when they watch her do everything for them?