My in laws are killing me
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Anonymous
| They're here for 2 weeks, and we're just at the start of week 2. They expect me to cook and serve them EVERY meal. They don't have any hobbies (reading the paper, etc...) and they're obsessed with my 2 year old but don't actually do anything to help with her. If I take them out, it's like taking out 3 babies. They're older (in their 70's), but not unable to physically fend for themselves. They're Indian. Ughhhhh, help. |
Anonymous
| Where is your spouse in all of this? |
Anonymous
| he works full time, I work part time, and so I end up spending more time with them. When he is here, he does as much as he can (like over the weekend, he did meals, etc). they're also indian and very patriarchal, so there is this misguided expectation that I will do everything. not from him, from them. |
Anonymous
+1 And set some expectations. Tell them you won't be serving breakfast, for instance, but point out various things available for them to serve themselves. |
Anonymous
Ditto. What their "expectations" are can be different than what you undertake. With the example you gave, just because they think you should be cooking every meal doesn't mean you can't do take out a couple nights. Either you cook and are in alignment with their expectations (and annoyed, which is hard), or you don't and they might have negative opinions about it (also annoying and hard). Choose your hard. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I would just manage expectations -- you have two kids to worry about, you don't need to cook them breakfast and lunch. Tell them that breakfast items (yogurt, fruit, cereal) are in the kitchen and to help themselves to breakfast (you make the coffee). Buy some cold cuts, tuna, etc. and tell them that lunch is sandwiches that they can make to their liking. I would still cook dinner for the whole family (or go out somewhere with everyone).
The worst thing that happens is that they think you're an awful homemaker -- oh well. |
Anonymous
| How often do they visit? If this is a yearly trip, I'd just suck it up for two weeks. If it's more often than that, your DH needs to take off more time while they are here to tend to them. |
Anonymous
Are you also Indian? This is the expectation in every Indian family I know. Has it not always been like this from the beginning of your relationship? |
Anonymous
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I don't think you can change their expectations, really - it's ingrained and cultural and they're old and unlikely to change.
Just get through this week, and then maybe go away for a long weekend soon or something. Hang in there! |
Anonymous
| Just set your boundaries. Who cares what they think. Their feelings about it are their problem. |
Anonymous
| Can you order in? Do you need recommendations for south Asian restaurants? |
Anonymous
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If my Asian MIL were here, I would naturally do everything for her. It is expected, and I know it, and would prepare accordingly. So there must be something else going on, OP. Are they critical? Do they not like you? |
Anonymous
| As someone married to an Indian - sorry, but just suck it up. You are lucky it's only a few weeks!! |
Anonymous
| Ugh that sounds horrible. I think it's just one of those things where you have to suck it up and realize it's just a short period of time. Hang in there - it shall pass! |