7 and 5 year old. Would you have another one in my situation?
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Anonymous
| As a mom of three, I have a somewhat different perspective than the PP. My 13 month old loves going to his siblings' soccer games and swim practices and running around with the other kids. I don't necessarily see this as shafting. Of course there is a bit of dividing and conquering, but so far everyone seems pretty happy. |
Anonymous
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Hi OP -
I have three and while the age split is different, there is a 7 year gap between my oldest and youngest. One thing that strikes me with two older boys and a baby is that in many families, the dad will end up as the one who focuses on the boys while you are home with the baby, especially if it's a girl. For example, Johnny and Timmy have basketball games at the rec center at 11:30 and 12:30 and dad has been working with them on their blocking. Larla is 16 months and is at that stage where she wants to run onto the court or throw her snack or whatever, and the games are at lunch and naptime. Guess who isn't going to the game? It's not a big deal, but in my family it has turned into a long-term issue for me. I'm always home with our little girls (toddler and preschooler) while my husband takes my son to his sporting events. I do feel like I'm missing out on the big kid stuff and I'm still on the floor playing with effing megablocks 9 years into parenting. Sometimes, I'd like to see the basketball game. I will say that you guys are young, and that's an advantage. You can have a third and still have time later to do more things like travel and pursue your own hobbies. Having a third at say 42 is really different, and leaves you with essentially no middle age empty-nester time. Also, think about whether or not you would be disappointed if your third one is a boy? If you are really just going for the girl, it may not go tht way (you know this). |
Anonymous
Why assume your DD won't like legos or doing the same things as your sons? |
Anonymous
| Not the PP, but I am guessing the mother sees the Legos as a choking hazard for the baby. |
Anonymous
| IF you want one. |
Anonymous
Its bc she has a 1 year old and LEGOs are a swallowing hazard |
Anonymous
NP. The bold, times 1,000, OP. Adding to the bold: Do you want to be able to be involved and volunteer and help out with your kids' activities? Does your DH? Do you both look forward to (for example) being involved if the kids do Scouting, or sports, or kids' theater, or youth group at church if you do that, or, or? You will be greatly curtailed in terms of your time for that kind of involvement. Want to volunteer for the PTA or otherwise get involved at school? Hard to do if you have kids at two or three different schools (and at several points, you will -- one will be in middle school whlle one is in elementary and the third is in preschool maybe....) This speaks to the PP's words about attention for each child and "getting to know them as people." Bluntly that's easier to do if you have one child, a bit harder but doable at two, and at three kids, it may be doable but logistically it will be exhausting. And PP is spot on about third children sometimes being dragged along. Parents don't like to admit it but it's something PP and I have observed. Finally: Have you and your DH sat down and seriously looked at the hard, cold finances? College for three kids? Dont' overlook retirement for you and DH. Plus a cushion for potental health emergencies as you and DH get older. Again, doable, but it's easy to say, when kids are little, "College money will work itself out, or they'll just have to get scholarships or take out loans." But the reality is that if even two of your three kids go to college, you are looking at a lot of money, and that's even if they go to public universities etc. Some will of course say, that's off in the future and my kids are about love and not how much they "cost," but honestly? Your family's quality of life is indeed affected by things like how much you do or do not have to stress over college funds and your own retirement security. |
Anonymous
That's nice for now, but 13 month olds are happy to be just doing anything. When he's three and up, and asserting himself more as separate from you and from his siblings, the smooth and easy tagalong time may be over. You're not shafting him at all, but soon, he's going to be wanting his own activities with kids his own age and wont' be as content. |
Anonymous
Well he is 7 now, seeing how this thread is from 2017 |
Anonymous
Well your math is just great, PP, congratulations. I didn't resurrect this old thread. |
Anonymous
| I think it's too large a gap to back. I have a four year gap between my oldest and youngest (4, almost 2, newborn) and because it's tighter it hasn't thrown things off too much. We really debated about having a third and if my youngest was five and my oldest was seven I would not have done it. It's just too much for your other kids and your youngest won't be able to connect with either until they are older. You have a lot of flexibility with two (especially same gender) instead of three, so that's something to celebrate. |
Anonymous
…are you dense? She is talking about her not-even-1 year old baby. |
Anonymous
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It never ceases to amaze that people ask strangers on an anonymous chat room to help them make decisions that will affect their lives forever!
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Anonymous
| The cost in terms of what you can do individually with each kid and how much time you have to enjoy / do something with your kids versus meet their needs is real. I wouldn't necessarily say I regret having 3 bc all options come with good and bad, but it really did cost me a lot of the part of parenting I enjoy in ways I didn't expect |
Anonymous
Same. |