7 and 5 year old. Would you have another one in my situation?

[Anonymous]

So we have two boys who are 5 and 7. My husband and I have a great marriage. We are financially stable. Part of me is so glad to be out of the baby/toddler stage but the other part of me can't shake he feeling that we need one more.

I was looking forward to making some bigger trips in the next couple years as a family (maybe Europe) but obviously we couldn't do that type of stuff with a baby.

This feeling just won't go away and I feel like if we don't have one we are going to regret it.

For the record, my husband wants another one even more than me I think.

I just really don't know if I can do the baby stage again. My children were terrible sleepers and didn't sleep through the night until around two years old.

Thoughts? Is it too large of an age gap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we have two boys who are 5 and 7. My husband and I have a great marriage. We are financially stable. Part of me is so glad to be out of the baby/toddler stage but the other part of me can't shake he feeling that we need one more.

I was looking forward to making some bigger trips in the next couple years as a family (maybe Europe) but obviously we couldn't do that type of stuff with a baby.

This feeling just won't go away and I feel like if we don't have one we are going to regret it.

For the record, my husband wants another one even more than me I think.

I just really don't know if I can do the baby stage again. My children were terrible sleepers and didn't sleep through the night until around two years old.

Thoughts? Is it too large of an age gap?

It sounds like you both want another one. I would go for it. Parenthood will always be a mix of good and bad, and it sounds like it would be worth it for you and DH. Best of luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

As the friend of several families with three children, I'd say don't do it. It will be an 8-9 year gap between the oldest & youngest making it virtually impossible to find activities that work well for everyone. For example, (kids are 12, 10, 5) can't even all go to the same movie. They generally spend the weekends split up, one parent with older kids, one with the younger.

[Anonymous]

I'd do it. I don't have any kids close in age so the age gaps wouldn't bother me. I also had 3 siblings and we were all 4-5 years apart. My mother only wanted one baby at home so when one went to school she had another. We all were and are very close.

[Anonymous]

You can go to Europe with a baby (or better, a 2-year old) if you also take a nanny. In any case, certainly not the reason not to have another. Europe has been around a while, it can probably wait 4-5 more years if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Assume a year to get pregnant and have the baby (at the earliest).

So, you have baby, 6, and 8. You're not fully free of naps until 4, 10, and 12. And even then, 10 and 12 are going to want to and be able to do a lot of things the 4 year old can't.

And that's four years of time you could really be enjoying your older two that a baby/toddler is in the mix.

You couldn't pay me to do that. I have my two, and I am looking forward to enjoying every stage with them. And I know my limits!

[Anonymous]

Why can't you go to Europe with a baby? my kids are 5.5 and 4 and they've both been several times.

[Anonymous]

I am in your situation - two boys, ages 5 and 7. For us, the answer is no.

[Anonymous]

No. It would suck for the older ones to have to go back to the babybstage with you. Shorter/fewer outings, quiet during naps, only one parent can do fun stuff like movies now. The baby stage is gone, enjoy the kid stage WITH them, not from the couch where you're stranded with an infant and a Boppy.

[Anonymous]

If you really want another one, go for it. Of course it will change things, but money helps smooth those bumps, too. Maybe new sibling spends more time with a babysitter so you can get to older kid events, or you hire someone in Europe to sit in the hotel for naps.

[Anonymous]

My kids are the same ages as yours and I personally can't imagine going back to the baby stage. Sure I miss a lot about those ages and stages, but I also really love the freedom that having 2 "older" kids gives me. That said, I know quite a few people in your/my situation (youngest 5-6 yr old) who have recently had #3 and they all seem to be very happy with that decision. Most just felt their life wasn't complete and really wanted that 3rd to complete" their family. There are some really cool things about having a baby when the other kids are older like having little helpers, kids who adore the baby vs fighting for attention. I also think that being the 3rd you're more laid back with things like naps and they learn to just go with it.

When I have thought about having a 3rd my reason for wanting one has been that I miss my kids being that age. I have a hard time remembering what they were like when they were younger, I long for a baby on my hip or being carried in the ergo, I miss the sweet firsts of that first year. Given what I miss and think I want from having a 3rd , i know that having 3rd won't change those fact that those moment are fleeting and no matter how many kids you have that eventually end. obviously the reason for wanting a 3rd is different for everyone and only you can answer that question for yourself.

As far as travel goes.. you can absolutely still go to Europe with a baby. Big question is cost and traveling as a family of 5. 5 changes travel in needing another airline ticket, bigger car, bigger taxi, bigger hotel room and so forth. A big part of why we didn't what 3 was not wanting to adjust out standard of living.

[Anonymous]

There's no right or wrong, but I think the PPs make a good point about thinking seriously about what this means for what you'll be able to do together as a family with a large age gap, as well as the fact that you'll be stuck with naps for about the next 4 years.

On the other hand, the older kids will be much more helpful with a baby/toddler than kids closer in age would be, and they may end up really bonding with the youngest and be happy to spend time with the little one. I think it's hard to know ahead of time, though.

[Anonymous]

We have three children (ages 1, 5 and 7) and love it so far. Sure, we might not be quite as mobile, but we get out quite a bit and we find that we still spend a lot of time together as a family. With two working parents and various activities for the older two, we are busy, but we are so happy we have our third. As for travel, we are planning a two-week vacation to Europe this summer to visit family, so we will see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 boys 6 and 3 and have been thinking about this recently - also happy marriage, financially secure etc. I do have moments of wanting another and fleeting jealousy of those in my situation having thirds, but we are not having one for the following reasons (among others):

- age. I'm 39 and frankly worry about my and DH's health (which is fine, we are both athletes etc) moving forward. My dad was 38 when I was born and felt ancient compared to my friends' parents, though I know that's not the case now

- relatedly - the worry that something would be wrong with the baby. Our kids are healthy and neurotypical and the effect on our family dynamic that a child with issues would have could be devastating. Sort of a 'stop while you're ahead' mentality

- the lifestyle I want for the family. This isn't financial but rather attention, time with each alone, getting to know them as people, etc. The families with more than 2 kids that I know definitely have trouble getting a lot of special (not perfunctory) time with each kid and the youngest especially often seems to be dragged along as an afterthought.

[Anonymous]

If you & DH both want another baby, can afford it, and don't have health reasons not to, what's the problem? People on dcum love to over think everything. And you can go to Europe with a baby (done that).