Reply to 7 and 5 year old. Would you have another one in my situation?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have 2 boys 6 and 3 and have been thinking about this recently - also happy marriage, financially secure etc.  I do have moments of wanting another and fleeting jealousy of those in my situation having thirds, but we are not having one for the following reasons (among others):

- age.  I'm 39 and frankly worry about my and DH's health (which is fine, we are both athletes etc) moving forward.  My dad was 38 when I was born and felt ancient compared to my friends' parents, though I know that's not the case now

- relatedly - the worry that something would be wrong with the baby.  Our kids are healthy and neurotypical and the effect on our family dynamic that a child with issues would have could be devastating.  Sort of a 'stop while you're ahead' mentality

- [b]the lifestyle I want for the family.  This isn't financial but rather attention, time with each alone, getting to know them as people, etc.  The families with more than 2 kids that I know definitely have trouble getting a lot of special (not perfunctory) time with each kid and the youngest especially often seems to be dragged along as an afterthought.[/b][/quote]

NP.

The bold, times 1,000, OP.

Adding to the bold: Do you want to be able to be involved and volunteer and help out with your kids' activities? Does your DH? Do you both look forward to (for example) being involved if the kids do Scouting, or sports, or kids' theater, or youth group at church if you do that, or, or? You will be greatly curtailed in terms of your time for that kind of involvement. Want to volunteer for the PTA or otherwise get involved at school? Hard to do if you have kids at two or three different schools (and at several points, you will -- one will be in middle school whlle one is in elementary and the third is in preschool maybe....)

This speaks to the PP's words about attention for each child and "getting to know them as people." Bluntly that's easier to do if you have one child, a bit harder but doable at two, and at three kids, it may be doable but logistically it will be exhausting. And PP is spot on about third children sometimes being dragged along. Parents don't like to admit it but it's something PP and I have observed.

Finally: Have you and your DH sat down and seriously looked at the hard, cold finances? College for three kids? Dont' overlook retirement for you and DH. Plus a cushion for potental health emergencies as you and DH get older. Again, doable, but it's easy to say, when kids are little, "College money will work itself out, or they'll just have to get scholarships or take out loans." But the reality is that if even two of your three kids go to college, you are looking at a lot of money, and that's even if they go to public universities etc. Some will of course say, that's off in the future and my kids are about love and not how much they "cost," but honestly? Your family's quality of life is indeed affected by things like how much you do or do not have to stress over college funds and your own retirement security.[/quote]

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