Is two divorces a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone divorced twice is just nasty. Dude get some self esteem

Agreed. Very trashy

WTF is wrong with you?

Signed -

In first marriage (18 years and going strong)

[Anonymous]

Where I'm from, people hardly ever get married because nobody wants to go through the divorce. They still live together and have children. I guess no red flags here for our woman and men as they have don't have any divorces on their record.
I've been divorced once. He beat me in front of our toddler and I left him. 8 years later started to date somebody else and had a child, but refused to marry him. Not because I'd rack up more red flags, but I find it too much paperwork ro get married and unmarried. We are still going strong, but it's good to know that I can just pick up and move if he goes batshit crazy.
OP, why do you have to marry her? I'd think she is done having kids and you 2 can just date or live together.
Some of you take this marriage thing too seriously, then can't get out and end up killing each other. There has to be an easier way out than killing people. Even all the paperwork and court crap is too much and too long.

[Anonymous]

My answer is it depends....I have been playing around with simulations of relationships (because of a thread here). The gist of the model is an assumption that everyone wants to pair up. But a certain percentage are jerks, and it might take a while to figure that out. (For example a 1% chance per week). I also assume anyone who is not a jerk is compatible with anyone else.

In addition, there are cheaters. These people are involved in multiple relationships simultaneously, and there is a risk of getting caught.

In time, you will end of with a population of people who paired up and stayed paired up. (this is the dominant population)

Then, you will have people that separate -- either they had issues, or the partner had issues, or both. For that population, more than half will have issues. In my simulation, those paired up, and of those, the majority did not stay paired.

They pair up again...and the process continues.

What happens is the population of jerks repeatedly split but the decent people eventually pair up with another decent person.

With my initial assumption of this simplistic model, I found that something like 55% of the people depaired were jerks, and 70% of the people depaired twice were jerks. That means that 30% of the people divorced twice were unlucky and paired with jerks twice.

Now, since the only reason to depair in my simulation is because one or both partners are jerks, and there is no "not compatible" or "I changed" concept (yet), I am probably overstating the likelihood of finding a jerk.

But, what it means is that it is a yellow flag, and not a red flag. Oh, and this probably means any long-term marriage-like relationship.

[Anonymous]

Divorced women have to put out more and lower their standards. So am ugly fat dude could easily get some.

[Anonymous]

Twice divorced means she has been rode hard and put up wet. You can do better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Twice divorced means she has been rode hard and put up wet. You can do better

On the other hand, she knows what she is doing in bed. If she gives a good BJ and is enthusiastic lay, I will take it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Twice divorced means she has been rode hard and put up wet. You can do better

On the other hand, she knows what she is doing in bed. If she gives a good BJ and is enthusiastic lay, I will take it

If that were true then she wouldn't be divorced once much less twice. Move on from her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Twice divorced means she has been rode hard and put up wet. You can do better

On the other hand, she knows what she is doing in bed. If she gives a good BJ and is enthusiastic lay, I will take it

If that were true then she wouldn't be divorced once much less twice. Move on from her

Be careful using divorces as a measure of this - I have a cousin that's been married three times. She's slept with three men. Her sister is 28, never married, engaged to a sweet man - and has slept with no fewer than 30 men. And some women. The fiance has no idea, he thinks she's a good Christian girl. He'd be better off with her sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My answer is it depends....I have been playing around with simulations of relationships (because of a thread here). The gist of the model is an assumption that everyone wants to pair up. But a certain percentage are jerks, and it might take a while to figure that out. (For example a 1% chance per week). I also assume anyone who is not a jerk is compatible with anyone else.

In addition, there are cheaters. These people are involved in multiple relationships simultaneously, and there is a risk of getting caught.

In time, you will end of with a population of people who paired up and stayed paired up. (this is the dominant population)

Then, you will have people that separate -- either they had issues, or the partner had issues, or both. For that population, more than half will have issues. In my simulation, those paired up, and of those, the majority did not stay paired.

They pair up again...and the process continues.

What happens is the population of jerks repeatedly split but the decent people eventually pair up with another decent person.

With my initial assumption of this simplistic model, I found that something like 55% of the people depaired were jerks, and 70% of the people depaired twice were jerks. That means that 30% of the people divorced twice were unlucky and paired with jerks twice.

Now, since the only reason to depair in my simulation is because one or both partners are jerks, and there is no "not compatible" or "I changed" concept (yet), I am probably overstating the likelihood of finding a jerk.

But, what it means is that it is a yellow flag, and not a red flag. Oh, and this probably means any long-term marriage-like relationship.

Ha, ha! I like it! You are a man right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is it depends....I have been playing around with simulations of relationships (because of a thread here). The gist of the model is an assumption that everyone wants to pair up. But a certain percentage are jerks, and it might take a while to figure that out. (For example a 1% chance per week). I also assume anyone who is not a jerk is compatible with anyone else.

In addition, there are cheaters. These people are involved in multiple relationships simultaneously, and there is a risk of getting caught.

In time, you will end of with a population of people who paired up and stayed paired up. (this is the dominant population)

Then, you will have people that separate -- either they had issues, or the partner had issues, or both. For that population, more than half will have issues. In my simulation, those paired up, and of those, the majority did not stay paired.

They pair up again...and the process continues.

What happens is the population of jerks repeatedly split but the decent people eventually pair up with another decent person.

With my initial assumption of this simplistic model, I found that something like 55% of the people depaired were jerks, and 70% of the people depaired twice were jerks. That means that 30% of the people divorced twice were unlucky and paired with jerks twice.

Now, since the only reason to depair in my simulation is because one or both partners are jerks, and there is no "not compatible" or "I changed" concept (yet), I am probably overstating the likelihood of finding a jerk.

But, what it means is that it is a yellow flag, and not a red flag. Oh, and this probably means any long-term marriage-like relationship.

Ha, ha! I like it! You are a man right?

I am a man, and a scientist. You can solve anything with the right partial differential equations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is it depends....I have been playing around with simulations of relationships (because of a thread here). The gist of the model is an assumption that everyone wants to pair up. But a certain percentage are jerks, and it might take a while to figure that out. (For example a 1% chance per week). I also assume anyone who is not a jerk is compatible with anyone else.

In addition, there are cheaters. These people are involved in multiple relationships simultaneously, and there is a risk of getting caught.

In time, you will end of with a population of people who paired up and stayed paired up. (this is the dominant population)

Then, you will have people that separate -- either they had issues, or the partner had issues, or both. For that population, more than half will have issues. In my simulation, those paired up, and of those, the majority did not stay paired.

They pair up again...and the process continues.

What happens is the population of jerks repeatedly split but the decent people eventually pair up with another decent person.

With my initial assumption of this simplistic model, I found that something like 55% of the people depaired were jerks, and 70% of the people depaired twice were jerks. That means that 30% of the people divorced twice were unlucky and paired with jerks twice.

Now, since the only reason to depair in my simulation is because one or both partners are jerks, and there is no "not compatible" or "I changed" concept (yet), I am probably overstating the likelihood of finding a jerk.

But, what it means is that it is a yellow flag, and not a red flag. Oh, and this probably means any long-term marriage-like relationship.

Ha, ha! I like it! You are a man right?

The problem is most jerks THINK they are decent people. And act like decent people most of the time. But only later on are they revealed as jerks. It is difficult to ferret the jerks out. I might be a lying cheating jerk, but you would not know by just looking at me. I look and act like a reasonable, upstanding citizen. Only time and circumstances will reveal the truth.

Sorry to all you nice, faithful people. Even as a jerk, doing jerky things, I don't feel like a jerk. I don't present as a jerk. But if an objective source knew everything about me, he or she would dismiss me out of hand.

[singledadmclean]

Anonymous wrote:My answer is it depends....I have been playing around with simulations of relationships (because of a thread here). The gist of the model is an assumption that everyone wants to pair up. But a certain percentage are jerks, and it might take a while to figure that out. (For example a 1% chance per week). I also assume anyone who is not a jerk is compatible with anyone else.

What software are you using for the simulations, and do you need a co-author?

I think you need a much lower jerk-discovery rate. More like 25 percent per year rather than 50 percent per year. Accomplished jerks are great actors and hide it better especially as they gain life experience. There is also a discontinuity involved--marriage and/or childbirth seem to allow jerks to let their jerk-flag fly because after those events they assume their partner is stuck with them.

[Anonymous]

singledadmclean wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is it depends....I have been playing around with simulations of relationships (because of a thread here). The gist of the model is an assumption that everyone wants to pair up. But a certain percentage are jerks, and it might take a while to figure that out. (For example a 1% chance per week). I also assume anyone who is not a jerk is compatible with anyone else.

What software are you using for the simulations, and do you need a co-author?

I think you need a much lower jerk-discovery rate. More like 25 percent per year rather than 50 percent per year. Accomplished jerks are great actors and hide it better especially as they gain life experience. There is also a discontinuity involved--marriage and/or childbirth seem to allow jerks to let their jerk-flag fly because after those events they assume their partner is stuck with them.

I am writing the software in matlab. I only put about 2 horus into the project so far; I am not searching for coauthors at the moment; that would mean I have deadlines, and this does not pay the bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is it depends....I have been playing around with simulations of relationships (because of a thread here). The gist of the model is an assumption that everyone wants to pair up. But a certain percentage are jerks, and it might take a while to figure that out. (For example a 1% chance per week). I also assume anyone who is not a jerk is compatible with anyone else.

In addition, there are cheaters. These people are involved in multiple relationships simultaneously, and there is a risk of getting caught.

In time, you will end of with a population of people who paired up and stayed paired up. (this is the dominant population)

Then, you will have people that separate -- either they had issues, or the partner had issues, or both. For that population, more than half will have issues. In my simulation, those paired up, and of those, the majority did not stay paired.

They pair up again...and the process continues.

What happens is the population of jerks repeatedly split but the decent people eventually pair up with another decent person.

With my initial assumption of this simplistic model, I found that something like 55% of the people depaired were jerks, and 70% of the people depaired twice were jerks. That means that 30% of the people divorced twice were unlucky and paired with jerks twice.

Now, since the only reason to depair in my simulation is because one or both partners are jerks, and there is no "not compatible" or "I changed" concept (yet), I am probably overstating the likelihood of finding a jerk.

But, what it means is that it is a yellow flag, and not a red flag. Oh, and this probably means any long-term marriage-like relationship.

Ha, ha! I like it! You are a man right?

The problem is most jerks THINK they are decent people. And act like decent people most of the time. But only later on are they revealed as jerks. It is difficult to ferret the jerks out. I might be a lying cheating jerk, but you would not know by just looking at me. I look and act like a reasonable, upstanding citizen. Only time and circumstances will reveal the truth.

Sorry to all you nice, faithful people. Even as a jerk, doing jerky things, I don't feel like a jerk. I don't present as a jerk. But if an objective source knew everything about me, he or she would dismiss me out of hand.

But, if you meet someone who has multiple terminated LTR's, that is a flag -- be more sensitive to other observables. How do they treat others? Do they introduce you to their family and friends, etc....

[Anonymous]

OP. What is your plan for the catcher's mitt cooter?