Reply to Is two divorces a red flag?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My answer is it depends....I have been playing around with simulations of relationships (because of a thread here).  The gist of the model is an assumption that everyone wants to pair up.  But a certain percentage are jerks, and it might take a while to figure that out.  (For example a 1% chance per week).  I also assume anyone who is not a jerk is compatible with anyone else.

In addition, there are cheaters.  These people are involved in multiple relationships simultaneously, and there is a risk of getting caught.

In time, you will end of with a population of people who paired up and stayed paired up.  (this is the dominant population)

Then, you will have people that separate -- either they had issues, or the partner had issues, or both.  For that population, more than half will have issues. In my simulation, those paired up, and of those, the majority did not stay paired.

They pair up again...and the process continues.

What happens is the population of jerks repeatedly split but the decent people eventually pair up with another decent person.

With my initial assumption of this simplistic model, I found that something like 55% of the people depaired were jerks, and 70% of the people depaired twice were jerks.  That means that 30% of the people divorced twice were unlucky and paired with jerks twice.

Now, since the only reason to depair in my simulation is because one or both partners are jerks, and there is no "not compatible" or "I changed" concept (yet), I am probably overstating the likelihood of finding a jerk.

But, what it means is that it is a yellow flag, and not a red flag.   Oh, and this probably means any long-term marriage-like relationship.
[/quote]

Ha, ha!  I like it!  You are a man right?  [/quote]

The problem is most jerks THINK they are decent people. And act like decent people most of the time. But only later on are they revealed as jerks. It is difficult to ferret the jerks out. I might be a lying cheating jerk, but you would not know by just looking at me. I look and act like a reasonable, upstanding citizen. Only time and circumstances will reveal the truth.

Sorry to all you nice, faithful people. Even as a jerk, doing jerky things, I don't feel like a jerk. I don't present as a jerk. But if an objective source knew everything about me, he or she would dismiss me out of hand.[/quote]

But, if you meet someone who has multiple terminated LTR's, that is a flag -- be more sensitive to other observables.  How do they treat others?  Do they introduce you to their family and friends, etc....[/quote]

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