Have you talked to your kids about 13 reasons why

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My daughter (12) says all her friends are watching this, and it's true. They're all talking about it over social media, texting, etc. (yes, I check and my daughter is fully aware that I do). I don't want her watching this; it seems far too mature for her age group, and yet her friends are watching it. Anyone else in a similar situation?

I am in the same situation with my dd13. She watched the first 11 eps without telling me. Not sure what I will do and open to advice.

Do you need to do anything? What I mean by that is, did she violate a house rule by watching a new show without telling you, or has some sort of problem arisen as a result such as her being distressed or showing signs of unacceptable behaviors? If not, I might do nothing in particular and just let her decide whether to keep watching. If she enjoys the series, she would continue, but if it's more unpleasant (distressing, confusing, etc.) than enjoyable she'd likely choose to stop watching it on her own it it doesn't suddenly become forbidden and therefore more interesting to a teen. As long as you're available to talk to her if she has questions, I don't necessarily think that's a bad age to watch the show.

Don't you find it disturbing that this child binge-watched nearly an entire series without parent knowledge? It's only been on the air for like a couple of days. Does PP have zero control/limits on screens?

Tbh no, I don't find it disturbing. It's less than an hour a day total if she watched the episodes one at a time. And even if she did spend 12 hours one day just watching Netflix, or several hours for a few days, if it's an occasional thing and she still has a life other than TV & meets her commitments I wouldn't be terribly bothered by an occasional TV binge. I've done it before, too. Not ideal, but certainly wouldn't be something I would call "disturbing"; to me that's a fairly strong word.

It's appropriate though. You give your young teen unfettered access to Netflix? Wow.

This is what I don't understand. My daughter's friends (all 12 or almost 13) watch anything they want via Netflix on their computers. Grey's Anatomy, 13 Reasons Why, Vampire Diaries, etc. They just watch in their rooms and the parents have no idea. I get that high schoolers watch these programs and don't need permission to do so, but 12 seems pretty young.

LOL I'm 13!!! just watched it ... it's pretty good but anyways um because EVERYONE talks about shows at school. Doesn't really matter what age group it was meant to be for, everyone in or above middle school will watch it anyway. 5/6 of all the classmates I know have watched it... word spreads quickly.

[Anonymous]

So what do you and your friends thing of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what do you and your friends thing of it.

Anonymous wrote:So what do you and your friends thing of it.

I'm not PP, but I'm also 13 so I just thought I would share what I think. At school, most of my friends are talking about it and saying how "it has them shook" etc, but then there are also the people who are making "welcome to your tape" jokes, which really hurts me, since suicide/depression isn't something to joke about, but even more so because I relate personally to Hannah, as I have anxiety, mild depression, and have issues with self harm.

I think that the show is doing exactly what the producers intended -- bringing awareness to the reality of suicide and showing that it is painful to both the person committing suicide and the people around them.

I have discussed the show with my friends (most of which are teens, and a mix of being in the mental health community and not) and none of us seem to grasp the 'glamorization' of suicide in the show. It seems hurtful and beyond sad. I think that a lot of adults are overthinking the show, and trying to grasp beyond what it was intended for, meanwhile teens can easily see from watching the show that suicide is not something to take lightly.

(For the record, I did read the post article, and my parents know I've seen the show. My dad attempted to talk to me about it, but I don't like talking about that sort of thing with people I know in real life as it makes me uncomfortable)

[Anonymous]

Honey, please do your homework!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter (12) says all her friends are watching this, and it's true. They're all talking about it over social media, texting, etc. (yes, I check and my daughter is fully aware that I do). I don't want her watching this; it seems far too mature for her age group, and yet her friends are watching it. Anyone else in a similar situation?

I am in the same situation with my dd13. She watched the first 11 eps without telling me. Not sure what I will do and open to advice.

Do you need to do anything? What I mean by that is, did she violate a house rule by watching a new show without telling you, or has some sort of problem arisen as a result such as her being distressed or showing signs of unacceptable behaviors? If not, I might do nothing in particular and just let her decide whether to keep watching. If she enjoys the series, she would continue, but if it's more unpleasant (distressing, confusing, etc.) than enjoyable she'd likely choose to stop watching it on her own it it doesn't suddenly become forbidden and therefore more interesting to a teen. As long as you're available to talk to her if she has questions, I don't necessarily think that's a bad age to watch the show.

Don't you find it disturbing that this child binge-watched nearly an entire series without parent knowledge? It's only been on the air for like a couple of days. Does PP have zero control/limits on screens?

Tbh no, I don't find it disturbing. It's less than an hour a day total if she watched the episodes one at a time. And even if she did spend 12 hours one day just watching Netflix, or several hours for a few days, if it's an occasional thing and she still has a life other than TV & meets her commitments I wouldn't be terribly bothered by an occasional TV binge. I've done it before, too. Not ideal, but certainly wouldn't be something I would call "disturbing"; to me that's a fairly strong word.

It's appropriate though. You give your young teen unfettered access to Netflix? Wow.

I wondered if I was the only one surprised by this. My dc doesn't have the Netflix password. I'm not super strict about screens --I know dc sees "inappropriate" videos on Youtube sometimes (because he usually tells me about it, he's horrible at keeping secrets), but I am surprised by the number of people who let their kids watch Netflix completely unsupervised.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I read about it and was firmly in the "no" camp, but my DD13 asked me to watch it before issuing a finale decision. I did. I let her watch it. We talked about my problems with the story, we talked about her problems with it. We talked about suicide, about expecting other people to solve your problems, about how other people can let you down without knowing it, about how important communication is, about how hard adolescence is. I suspect we'll be having many conversations about it for quite a while.

We're reading the book next. Many of her friends have already read the book as well.

Rape, suicide, drugs, horrible inter-personal relationships, yes, all of those are heavy things. But we teach our kids about slavery and the holocaust and the attempted genocide of native Americans, which are just as horrible aren't they?

Good on you for watching it together, pointing out concerns, and using it as a springboard for open communication.

Many parents who deem this to be taboo with only begin a losing battle.

+1

Uptight parents are clueless.

Are you 13?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honey, please do your homework!

???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter (12) says all her friends are watching this, and it's true. They're all talking about it over social media, texting, etc. (yes, I check and my daughter is fully aware that I do). I don't want her watching this; it seems far too mature for her age group, and yet her friends are watching it. Anyone else in a similar situation?

I am in the same situation with my dd13. She watched the first 11 eps without telling me. Not sure what I will do and open to advice.

Do you need to do anything? What I mean by that is, did she violate a house rule by watching a new show without telling you, or has some sort of problem arisen as a result such as her being distressed or showing signs of unacceptable behaviors? If not, I might do nothing in particular and just let her decide whether to keep watching. If she enjoys the series, she would continue, but if it's more unpleasant (distressing, confusing, etc.) than enjoyable she'd likely choose to stop watching it on her own it it doesn't suddenly become forbidden and therefore more interesting to a teen. As long as you're available to talk to her if she has questions, I don't necessarily think that's a bad age to watch the show.

Don't you find it disturbing that this child binge-watched nearly an entire series without parent knowledge? It's only been on the air for like a couple of days. Does PP have zero control/limits on screens?

I think sometimes they set the parental controls for only shows of a certain level, so don't hover.

Tbh no, I don't find it disturbing. It's less than an hour a day total if she watched the episodes one at a time. And even if she did spend 12 hours one day just watching Netflix, or several hours for a few days, if it's an occasional thing and she still has a life other than TV & meets her commitments I wouldn't be terribly bothered by an occasional TV binge. I've done it before, too. Not ideal, but certainly wouldn't be something I would call "disturbing"; to me that's a fairly strong word.

It's appropriate though. You give your young teen unfettered access to Netflix? Wow.

I wondered if I was the only one surprised by this. My dc doesn't have the Netflix password. I'm not super strict about screens --I know dc sees "inappropriate" videos on Youtube sometimes (because he usually tells me about it, he's horrible at keeping secrets), but I am surprised by the number of people who let their kids watch Netflix completely unsupervised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter (12) says all her friends are watching this, and it's true. They're all talking about it over social media, texting, etc. (yes, I check and my daughter is fully aware that I do). I don't want her watching this; it seems far too mature for her age group, and yet her friends are watching it. Anyone else in a similar situation?

I am in the same situation with my dd13. She watched the first 11 eps without telling me. Not sure what I will do and open to advice.

Do you need to do anything? What I mean by that is, did she violate a house rule by watching a new show without telling you, or has some sort of problem arisen as a result such as her being distressed or showing signs of unacceptable behaviors? If not, I might do nothing in particular and just let her decide whether to keep watching. If she enjoys the series, she would continue, but if it's more unpleasant (distressing, confusing, etc.) than enjoyable she'd likely choose to stop watching it on her own it it doesn't suddenly become forbidden and therefore more interesting to a teen. As long as you're available to talk to her if she has questions, I don't necessarily think that's a bad age to watch the show.

I have only watched one episode, and I can tell you from that and the trailer that this is NOT appropriate for a 12-13 year old. As it is, I hope my 16 year old does not watch it. It is disturbing and the whole issue of suicide becomes confusing and glorified.

Set passwords/parental controls. It's not like you can't even try to prevent your kid from watching it. . .

[Anonymous]

I am about half done with the series. I actually highly recommend it to parents of teens. Some stuff does not ring "true" for me.... but a lot of it does like the "evolving" friend groups, boys hinting (or even outright saying) that they are getting more sexual favors than they really are, some "clued in" parents and some clueless parents.

Reality also is that some teens are way more mature than others. My almost 15 year old has not watched but has heard a lot of talk about it and such and we have talked about it a little bit. Frankly, I think my openness with her and fact that I am not constantly babying her makes her much more self-confident and much less likely to be drawn in to teen drama. She is the kind of kid that when someone posted something not nice about her on Instagram in Middle School immediately called me. She couldn't reach me so she told the boy "You take down that post within the hour or I will go have a nice discussion with your Dad and whomever else I think should be told. If you take it down and stop-- this will go no further." (And kudos to the boy. He took it down. Apologized and THANKED HER for the opportunity to "make it right.") By the time I could reach her by phone everything was resolved! She can easily handle Thirteen Reasons and will not see it as glamorizing suicide and may indeed remind her that other kids are less resilient and maybe she can be a little more understanding.

My 13 year old is rather "immature"-- not in a bad way (at all!) more in a "happy go lucky" way. I think the show would disturb her. She is very sensitive. A lot of it, though, would also go over her head and she wouldn't understand all of it. I will tell her that she is allowed to watch it-- but only if we discuss it and she comes to the family with questions and such. I will also tell her that I think it might disturb her and that I would not recommend her watching until she is a little older. My guess is that she won't want to watch it-- unless one of her friends is watching it with her.

To the parents who think that they have their kids (and Netflix) on lockdown, if you kid is over say 11 year olds-- you have either the nicest (and/or least able) kids on the planet or you are deluding yourselves. Three kids that I know with the strictest rules about phones/social media/boys are the three kids I know that are engaged in the most risky behavior. When you make everything "forbidden," the teenage years become a challenge to evade the parents. Loosen up a bit. Give your kid a little opportunity to stand on their own two feet and develop some self-confidence.

[Anonymous]

It's also fairly simple for your kids to just borrow someone else's netflix password.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter (15) just thinks it is horribly produced and the girl is manipulative. How would ALL these kids find cassette players? HOW does Tony keep popping up at just the right moment? If he wears that leather jacket EVERY day, why does it still look like new? What is the deal with Clay's parents - Seriously? The principal is surprised that the kids write on the bathroom walls?! And the school photographer kid is everywhere! How many high school kids are that heavily tatted up - its like a prison yard! The whole thing is a mess.

Your DD sounds like she would be a good writer or at least a good a good critic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter (15) just thinks it is horribly produced and the girl is manipulative. How would ALL these kids find cassette players? HOW does Tony keep popping up at just the right moment? If he wears that leather jacket EVERY day, why does it still look like new? What is the deal with Clay's parents - Seriously? The principal is surprised that the kids write on the bathroom walls?! And the school photographer kid is everywhere! How many high school kids are that heavily tatted up - its like a prison yard! The whole thing is a mess.

lmao you sound like an idiot. Pretty sure tony was letting everyone borrow his cassette player since it was his job to get everyone to listen. What's wrong with clays parents? As far as tattoos...it's 2017. The amount of high schoolers with tattoos and piercings now is pretty normal...

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old watched it and skipped the parts that she thought she couldn't watch. She has a lot of common sense, and is perfectly capable of deciding what she can and cannot handle seeing. We've discussed it just like we discuss everything else.

[Anonymous]

omg. We're so out of it. It's like we're living in a different era from the rest of you.

Will ask the kids if they've heard about it.