My MIL sucks- should I even care?

[Anonymous]

Ok I'm going through be honest. It would bother me too. I don't think that parents should treat their kids differently.


I'm reading between the lines, but is your DH the black sheep? Did he do drugs? Drop out of school? Not go to college? For someone with his family's means he seems to not be doing very well. It's bitchy, but she's probably very disappointed in how he turned out, and this is how she punishes him.

[Anonymous]

My husband isn't the black sheep but most likely isn't meeting my MIL expectations. He was a struggling artist for about 10 years and most recently switched careers to a more stable career path. He surprisingly loves the job but the money isn't great when you are just starting out and I had to cut back to part time which meant a major demotion and pay cut. Totally different job now for me. My husband graduated college and was never into drugs or alcohol like his siblings. He's always polite to his mom and extremely respectful.

I think she just is t that into us and certainly not our child. She has her own life and has made it very clear that she is too old to sacrifice her time for others and that she did that for 18 years with her kids and now it's her time. She will not even let our child in her home until he is 8. She doesn't think children especially ones that don't behave belong in her home around her many worldly possessions. I guess I should be happy I don't have to spend time with her because we really have nothing in common.

[Anonymous]

My husband will not stand up to his mother. He was raised in a very aristocratic way and you would never ever stand up to or talk down to an elder especially your mother. He just ignores her remarks and tells me to do the same. It's caused fights but I have to just understand that's how his family operates. My family is the total opposite. We respect and love each other but speak up if someone insults us or hurts our feelings. I'm very close with my parents and they see our son monthly or more even living 3-4 hours away. I'm so thankful he has them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL lived 2 miles away for several years, but saw our kids only when there was a big family gathering. She didn't offer any help when the kids were born. She visited for less than an hour in the hospital and that was the end of it. When our oldest was 4 and our 2nd child barely 2, she moved across the country. DH was upset but I decided it was for the best because our kids wouldn't interpret her lack of interest as rejection. When we had our 3rd, we invited her out here. To my amazement, she told us she was coming for a week when he was about a month old. We were so excited for her visit. She arrived around noon and stayed through dinner. That was the total time she spent with us. DH was crushed since he had been at work for most of those hours. She spent the rest of the week visiting other friends and relatives. She has since visited maybe a dozen times over 10 years, but each visit is no more than 1-2 hours, even though she is in the area for weeks. It's sad. She sends a card and $25 gift card for each of the kids birthdays and Christmas, but makes no other effort to communicate with them. When they were younger, I had them write her letters, make cards and send handmade gifts, but she never responded. She calls DH about every 3-4 months. He is guilty of not calling her either, though. I nag him to call her about once a month (she rarely answers and doesn't return his calls). I think after a decade of being ignored, he is done. I had always hoped that one day she would come around and be an involved grandparent, but now it's too late. My teens don't feel any connection with her. My youngest really doesn't know her at all.

I wish I had your MIL

I had to lol. Mine lives 2 miles away and we see her 50 times a year. Yup, 50 times a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband isn't the black sheep but most likely isn't meeting my MIL expectations. He was a struggling artist for about 10 years and most recently switched careers to a more stable career path. He surprisingly loves the job but the money isn't great when you are just starting out and I had to cut back to part time which meant a major demotion and pay cut. Totally different job now for me. My husband graduated college and was never into drugs or alcohol like his siblings. He's always polite to his mom and extremely respectful.

I think she just is t that into us and certainly not our child. She has her own life and has made it very clear that she is too old to sacrifice her time for others and that she did that for 18 years with her kids and now it's her time. She will not even let our child in her home until he is 8. She doesn't think children especially ones that don't behave belong in her home around her many worldly possessions. I guess I should be happy I don't have to spend time with her because we really have nothing in common.

She sounds awful. I hope she at least leaves you some money when she dies.

[Anonymous]

OP, did your MIL disapprove of your marriage and is this her way of getting back?

[Anonymous]

As far as I know she was happy with our marriage but who knows now. She is extremely religious and maybe she thought I'd convert or something, I don't know. I don't know if she just has no interest in me or doesn't like me. We don't talk on the phone. Never calls to ask about us or how our child is doing. I think she called before his first surgery but that's it. She did say she always prays for us and our child.

[Anonymous]

OP, say it. You want her money. She's not budging LOL What a bitch, indeed.

[Anonymous]

This is PP from 3/12 17:41. I read your subsequent posts and my guess is you are correct, your MIL is just not that into your DH, you and your kid. It's not right, it's hurtful, but that's how it is. My guess is your own family is not like this so it's hard for you to get over. I can see how your MIL might not be happy that her son was a starving artist for so many years then went into a low-paying job. And as cold as it is, she might be turned off to your son having special needs. I know parents who live to brag about their kids and when they (or their families) don't measure up, they are distant. Your MIL raised her children in a distant manner so it's no surprise she is now. The fact that she shows favoritism to the son who can't hold down a job is no shocker either, my guess is she somehow exerts control or dominance over him through her financial support, something she cannot do with you and your DH.