My MIL sucks- should I even care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is saying OP shouldn't feel hurt, it's totally understandable. The point is there is nothing she can do about it so don't waist energy. It's clear MIL is not a fan of babies/children. Maybe she will change when your child is older. Also, how do you know she pays for the other children?

It is common knowledge that she gives to the other siblings. They say things to my husband and never hide the fact that she gives them money or pay for their children's tuitions etc. my husband is probably the easiest of all his siblings and has never caused his mother much distress compared to his brother who had all sorts of issues including 3 DWIs and she is always giving his family handouts such as purchasing a home for them and most recently a new SUV.

[Anonymous]

Just accept she's not a nice person. Be civil and accomondate your husband's time visiting with her. But don't expect anything from her. Her loss.

[Anonymous]

There is probably more going on here that OP doesn't realize. If MIL financially supports her other (well-off) kids, perhaps OP's DH made some choices MIL did not approve of, and MIL now wants him to live with the consequences? Or she lives closer to the other families and knows the kids better?
At any rate, it is what it is, and I wouldn't lose another minute worrying about it.

[Anonymous]

You sound entitled and very focused on money.

[Anonymous]

Two of my 3 kids have SN and my DH's depression kept him out of work for almost 2 years. My youngest, in particular, has significant SNs and was in EI at 15 months and 11 years later, still needs significant services/support. I understand your worry and concern about your DC. I understand you want the 'best' for your DS but it seems you aren't fully accepting your choices despite your protestations. Many of us have had to make difficult choices about what we can afford for our kids and what it 'best' for them. You are conflating your choices with your issues with your MIL - and they are your issues. You don't have the MIL you want. There is nothing wrong with her behavior, it just doesnt' meet your expectations of what a MIL should be like. You need to revise your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound entitled and very focused on money.

How so? I think it's crummy the way she treats my family. Money aside she belittles me and spends no time with our son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A: paragraphs, please!
B: maybe private school is something you should cut since you struggle financially
C: it's her money, she doesn't have to give you a dime

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound entitled and very focused on money.

How so? I think it's crummy the way she treats my family. Money aside she belittles me and spends no time with our son.

Then why is most of your post about money?

Rewrite your post and make it about how she treats her grandchild poorly and the way she treats your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound entitled and very focused on money.

How so? I think it's crummy the way she treats my family. Money aside she belittles me and spends no time with our son.

Money comprised the majority of your post. You then complained about how little time she spends with your child. So what? Not everyone is into little kids and given, per your OP, that she didn't raise her own kids, why would you be surprised that she's uncomfortable/uninterested in kids? Nothing wrong with that. That she 'belittles' you was just a blip in your posts, you've given no examples and given your dislike of her, leads me to believe that you are overly sensitive. Besides, if she does belittle you, you have a DH problem, not a MIL problem.

All this bitching and moaning about your MIL when the issues are all yours.

[Anonymous]

Where are your parents in all this, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound entitled and very focused on money.

How so? I think it's crummy the way she treats my family. Money aside she belittles me and spends no time with our son.

I agree with pp. You sound bitter. She does not have to spend any time with your son. We have one set of grandparents died and another live in a foreign country, so my kids see them once in a 2-3 years. The time that your son has with his grandmother sounds like a luxury for us. If she doesn't like your toddler because he is "unrully", I would put more efforts in building the relations between two of them. You have two not fully capable people: on one side is a toddler who as any other toddler need to be taught how to behave when you are having guest in the house; and on another side you have an eldery woman who, according to your story, probably have no clue how to interect with young children. Try to do it in a nice, diplomatic way and see if she can develop any filings, attachment to your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just accept she's not a nice person. Be civil and accomondate your husband's time visiting with her. But don't expect anything from her. Her loss.

+10000

[Anonymous]

This sounds like you care far less about the time she spends with your son and care way more about the fact that she has millions and doesn't give you any. I mean, your entire post was about money, sandwiched in between a few lines about your kid to try to distract us all from the fact that you just want her to give you $$$. We weren't born yesterday, and neither was she. She can probably smell your M.O. A mile away.

[Anonymous]

People asked and I answered. If she spent time with my family and more specifically my son I wouldn't complain. Spending time together is worth more then $$$. She just seems to let our family down in every way. I've been talking a lot to DH about her upcoming visit and I think airing my issues with his mother has helped. He understands and feels similar but explained that this is his mom and she is who she is. He's spent years in therapy dealing with his family issues with her. He never really knew how I felt and airing it helped. Trust me, I'm ready to not give a s!!t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL lived 2 miles away for several years, but saw our kids only when there was a big family gathering. She didn't offer any help when the kids were born. She visited for less than an hour in the hospital and that was the end of it. When our oldest was 4 and our 2nd child barely 2, she moved across the country. DH was upset but I decided it was for the best because our kids wouldn't interpret her lack of interest as rejection. When we had our 3rd, we invited her out here. To my amazement, she told us she was coming for a week when he was about a month old. We were so excited for her visit. She arrived around noon and stayed through dinner. That was the total time she spent with us. DH was crushed since he had been at work for most of those hours. She spent the rest of the week visiting other friends and relatives. She has since visited maybe a dozen times over 10 years, but each visit is no more than 1-2 hours, even though she is in the area for weeks. It's sad. She sends a card and $25 gift card for each of the kids birthdays and Christmas, but makes no other effort to communicate with them. When they were younger, I had them write her letters, make cards and send handmade gifts, but she never responded. She calls DH about every 3-4 months. He is guilty of not calling her either, though. I nag him to call her about once a month (she rarely answers and doesn't return his calls). I think after a decade of being ignored, he is done. I had always hoped that one day she would come around and be an involved grandparent, but now it's too late. My teens don't feel any connection with her. My youngest really doesn't know her at all.

I wish I had your MIL

NP here. This description fits my parents and my FIL (my inlaws are divorced). My parents like 1.5 hours away,they never ever come. Never call. Never FaceTime. They have forgotten birthdays. I buy presents, wrap them, and tell the kids they are from my parents. Same for my FIL. He sometimes forgets the kids names. I went through a serious mourning period. The only real grandparent my kids had was my MIL, who drove me nuts but was a great grandparent. The. She had a stroke and now she lives in a home. I think it's a generational thing. Baby boomers.