Small vent

[Anonymous]

I think OP's tell is right here: " so sad about what we may never have (easy, joyous parenting)".

Parenting is never easy, SN or not. I have both. It isn't necessarily joyous either. Parenting is hard work, setting limits, and putting others before yourself. If you expect easy and joyous, you're setting your kids up for disaster, as well as those who have to put up with the kids you refuse to set limits for because it's not easy or joyous to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is 5 1/2? Why is he not in kindergarten?[/quote

Maybe he just missed the cutoff- it’s not unusual.

[Anonymous]

Your child’s psychologist should call this preschool teacher and set her straight. Her stressing you out about DC’s kindergarten next year during a festival was unprofessional and uncalled for. You should have told her that maybe she’s in the wrong profession if she is this frustrated with her job.
Please don’t let incompetent teachers pressure you into medicating your child

[Anonymous]

I would search very carefully for an appropriate school for this child while he matures. Hopefully someone like the developmental pediatrician will help you but I’d probably not send a kid like this to a regular public school, IEP or not. There are so many other kinds of schools that might be a much better fit. No matter how ‘alternative’ the kids do learn. What about an outdoor Montessori type school or a Waldorf school?

[Anonymous]

All children are a joy. This teacher should not have made you feel bad about your child - she really sucks!
You should find some activities that he would like with teachers or coaches who are appreciative of having your child. It would make a big difference to your kid and to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's tell is right here: " so sad about what we may never have (easy, joyous parenting)".

Parenting is never easy, SN or not. I have both. It isn't necessarily joyous either. Parenting is hard work, setting limits, and putting others before yourself. If you expect easy and joyous, you're setting your kids up for disaster, as well as those who have to put up with the kids you refuse to set limits for because it's not easy or joyous to do so.

I have 3 dc. Parenting the two without SNs is easy and joyous. Maybe that's just because its all relative.

[Anonymous]

Jeez, if only I had worked on my parenting, maybe my dc wouldn't be mentally ill in a special school.

OP, you have to work on keeping the quiet part quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, if only I had worked on my parenting, maybe my dc wouldn't be mentally ill in a special school.

OP, you have to work on keeping the quiet part quiet.

I am very sorry if my update sounds judgmental about parenting. That is not at all my intent and I take your point about staying quiet. (Not to mention, I don't presume we're fully out of the woods just because things have been good thus far this year.)

[Anonymous]

What is it that your DS is doing? I think that plays a major part. Is he aggressive, is he destructive, is he physical with other kids? Was any of this mentioned? Or does he just follow his own beat? What is so difficult about parenting him, did I miss this post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok everyone, OP here.

I don't think we're in a "full blown case of denial". We have sought ongoing professional advice, have been upfront with the school when we enrolled and throughout the two years our kids have been in the preschool, and we readily acknowledge that our son presents a serious challenge.

19:00 - I'm not familiar with ChildFind but I will look into that. Thank you.

If his challenges merit an IEP we will certainly pursue and support that.

I was mostly saying that I think she could have chosen a better time and approach, and that I - like many other parents - struggle with the ongoing challenge of recognizing my child's struggles, while also loving him fiercely.

He is not in kindergarten yet because his birthday is 3 weeks after the enrollment cutoff in our county and we didn't fight that because he can clearly benefit from some more time and maturity.

Perhaps I underestimated the supportive nature of this board.

People who are not supportive have gotten the wind of this forum and are taking over. It sounds like the preschool teacher was possibly exhausted that day and maybe that clouded her judgement and she vented to you. She clearly spends a lot of time with your DS, so if she is otherwise a nice teacher I would give her the benefit of a doubt. Is she overly strict? Or is she usually able to cope with your DS? One example from when I worked in a preschool here. There was a very physical boy who demanded that he takes every toy from other classrooms that he wanted that minute, while mom walked him into school. This is not allowed and other parents follow that rule and say no to their kids. However she didn't say no, instead she pleaded with him and he brought all the toys into our classroom and then she would ask us to sneak them back when he wasn't paying attention. Yes, this kid was not easy to take the toy away from like other kids are, he would throw a tantrum each time, and each time mom would give in. Teachers can't leave their classrooms with young kids unless another teacher comes in to cover, depending on how many kids we have per teacher. If psychologist is suggesting you parent differently, could it be that she thinks you should be firmer with your child? Who do you think knows your child better, his teacher or psychologist? Without knowing what your DS is doing we can't compare to our kids at that age. If you think something is wrong, you are probably right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok everyone, OP here.

I don't think we're in a "full blown case of denial". We have sought ongoing professional advice, have been upfront with the school when we enrolled and throughout the two years our kids have been in the preschool, and we readily acknowledge that our son presents a serious challenge.

19:00 - I'm not familiar with ChildFind but I will look into that. Thank you.

If his challenges merit an IEP we will certainly pursue and support that.

I was mostly saying that I think she could have chosen a better time and approach, and that I - like many other parents - struggle with the ongoing challenge of recognizing my child's struggles, while also loving him fiercely.

He is not in kindergarten yet because his birthday is 3 weeks after the enrollment cutoff in our county and we didn't fight that because he can clearly benefit from some more time and maturity.

Perhaps I underestimated the supportive nature of this board.

People who are not supportive have gotten the wind of this forum and are taking over. It sounds like the preschool teacher was possibly exhausted that day and maybe that clouded her judgement and she vented to you. She clearly spends a lot of time with your DS, so if she is otherwise a nice teacher I would give her the benefit of a doubt. Is she overly strict? Or is she usually able to cope with your DS? One example from when I worked in a preschool here. There was a very physical boy who demanded that he takes every toy from other classrooms that he wanted that minute, while mom walked him into school. This is not allowed and other parents follow that rule and say no to their kids. However she didn't say no, instead she pleaded with him and he brought all the toys into our classroom and then she would ask us to sneak them back when he wasn't paying attention. Yes, this kid was not easy to take the toy away from like other kids are, he would throw a tantrum each time, and each time mom would give in. Teachers can't leave their classrooms with young kids unless another teacher comes in to cover, depending on how many kids we have per teacher. If psychologist is suggesting you parent differently, could it be that she thinks you should be firmer with your child? Who do you think knows your child better, his teacher or psychologist? Without knowing what your DS is doing we can't compare to our kids at that age. If you think something is wrong, you are probably right.

What are you even going on about? Obviously, you did not read the thread. Start there before you inject something that makes no sense and is completely out of context. This is not an opportunity for you to just start spouting random facts about your kid. No relevance whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

This is an old thread. The op's kid was having a difficult time last year and one day the preschool teacher complained about him. Big whoop. This isn't a special needs issue. Op, please free to link this thread in the website feedback forum to lock/delete this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an old thread. The op's kid was having a difficult time last year and one day the preschool teacher complained about him. Big whoop. This isn't a special needs issue. Op, please free to link this thread in the website feedback forum to lock/delete this thread.

PP from above long post! clearly I didn't catch on that, thanks for pointing it out nicely, unlike previous pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he needs a different school environment and that one is not a good fit.

+1 We had many, many conversations with DS's pre-k teacher. She went so far as to say that we need look at the home environment and perhaps things there need to be improved there. She said that she thought that DS had oppositional defiant disorder and that he should be tested. He was tested through MCPS Child Find, but for speech. During the eval they look at the whole kid and even watched him during class. I made certain to mention to his pre-k teacher that they had no behavioral concerns. I pulled DS shortly after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP of this thread here with an update.

My son is thriving in public kindergarten - in all ways.

He has required no special services, no interventions, is not presenting behavioral challenges at school, and is loving the academic setting. To the teachers and staff of his school he has presented as a very typical boy who needed to learn things like keeping his hands to himself, following directions, respecting classroom materials, etc... All of which he has done, as well as any other child in his class and better than many.

I attribute his success mostly to growing up. And also to to our determination to parent well, some professional advice last Spring (the gist of which was - we have no significant concerns, let him grow up a bit and we'll see how things go), and getting him in a setting with far better trained adults.

Is he perfect? Of course not. Am we perfect in parenting him? Of course not. We're all on a learning curve. But I can say with much more confidence now that I stand by my initial characterization of things in the original post.

I got of help from this forum over the last couple of years. Some of it was scary or sobering, some of it tremendously helpful and supportive, and all of it was valued. I just wanted to update this so that anyone who is facing similar challenges can see that this kind of best case scenario outcome is possible too.

So to anyone out there for whom our story rings true I just wanted to say hang in there. Have faith in your ability to parent (including pursuing whatever your child needs) and trust your instincts. If you genuinely think your kid is inherently ok, you might be right.

OP, this is condescending and self-congratulatory. Many of us have kids with serious issues and they are not struggling because of our lack of determination to parent well or our failure to seek guidance. Stop being a voyeur on this board while gleefuly informing us all that your son required no interventions. Gold star, I guess? Neither did my other two kids, nor do the overwhelming majority of kids out there.

And just because some of our kids have serious and life-long struggles doesn't mean that they are not inherently okay. Seriously, get out of here with your superiority complex and your need to tell us all how awesome your special son is.

You need to chill. I was very glad for the update and I think it is a helpful reminder to everyone on these boards whose first line of advice is always "Get a full neuropsych now! You are in denial!" Sometimes parents are not in denial. Sometimes they have a sucky teacher and their kid is going through a bad year.