Different financial circumstances and exes

[Anonymous]

Why isn't the new wife's XH paying for support for their kids? And why isn't she working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't the new wife's XH paying for support for their kids? And why isn't she working?

OP here. They decided that she would stay home with the kids. As far as her ex, all I know he's not in the picture, she has full custody. She used to be a teacher's aide in her previous life.

Again, why they decided she stay at home is not my problem. My problem is that she and her offspring decided to take out their jealousy on my innocent kid. He still doesn't want to go there. It has really escalated. He asked me to sign him up for camps just so that he doesn't have to go to their house and interact with them. He's old enough to make up his mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't the new wife's XH paying for support for their kids? And why isn't she working?

OP here. They decided that she would stay home with the kids. As far as her ex, all I know he's not in the picture, she has full custody. She used to be a teacher's aide in her previous life.

Again, why they decided she stay at home is not my problem. My problem is that she and her offspring decided to take out their jealousy on my innocent kid. He still doesn't want to go there. It has really escalated. He asked me to sign him up for camps just so that he doesn't have to go to their house and interact with them. He's old enough to make up his mind.

When he is 18, he is old enough to decide. She probably stopped working as she was in a low paying job and child care costs would be more than she'd bring home.

[Anonymous]

Also where in this thread does it say that OP is in a dual income household? My impression is that she is a single mom supporting her and her son.

[Anonymous]

OP. Resurrecting this thread. Things have become far worse. DS insists he doesn't want to go to his father's house, his father is refusing to meet with him anywhere but there. DS asked me to pull the plug. He's 12 years old, he can make up his mind. Ex-DH threatened to call the cops if DS doesn't come to his house and have them physically bring DS there. The lawyers are involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Resurrecting this thread. Things have become far worse. DS insists he doesn't want to go to his father's house, his father is refusing to meet with him anywhere but there. DS asked me to pull the plug. He's 12 years old, he can make up his mind. Ex-DH threatened to call the cops if DS doesn't come to his house and have them physically bring DS there. The lawyers are involved.

Child knows you don't want the visits and is trying to side with you. He is 12, no he cannot make up his own mind. Can he choose to go to school? Can he choose to go to the doctor? No. Step up and be a parent and tell him you expect him to comply with the visits. Cops will not bring child there but he can file in court and make things very difficult and expensive for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Resurrecting this thread. Things have become far worse. DS insists he doesn't want to go to his father's house, his father is refusing to meet with him anywhere but there. DS asked me to pull the plug. He's 12 years old, he can make up his mind. Ex-DH threatened to call the cops if DS doesn't come to his house and have them physically bring DS there. The lawyers are involved.

Child knows you don't want the visits and is trying to side with you. He is 12, no he cannot make up his own mind. Can he choose to go to school? Can he choose to go to the doctor? No. Step up and be a parent and tell him you expect him to comply with the visits. Cops will not bring child there but he can file in court and make things very difficult and expensive for you.

At 12, children have significant say in court about spending time with parents. If there is documentation of unwelcoming atmosphere for biochild in dad's house, it is unlikely courts will force visitation. Dad will have to spend funds to file to enforce visitation. Thag seems unlikely if miney is tight. Alsk Dad will jot be seen as angel in picture if he is seen to be spurning compromises offered to enable continued visitation.

[Anonymous]

There are a few ways this could go, but OP you should ask Jeff to delete this thread. There are enough details that your ex or his wife could identify you as the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Resurrecting this thread. Things have become far worse. DS insists he doesn't want to go to his father's house, his father is refusing to meet with him anywhere but there. DS asked me to pull the plug. He's 12 years old, he can make up his mind. Ex-DH threatened to call the cops if DS doesn't come to his house and have them physically bring DS there. The lawyers are involved.

Child knows you don't want the visits and is trying to side with you. He is 12, no he cannot make up his own mind. Can he choose to go to school? Can he choose to go to the doctor? No. Step up and be a parent and tell him you expect him to comply with the visits. Cops will not bring child there but he can file in court and make things very difficult and expensive for you.

At 12, children have significant say in court about spending time with parents. If there is documentation of unwelcoming atmosphere for biochild in dad's house, it is unlikely courts will force visitation. Dad will have to spend funds to file to enforce visitation. Thag seems unlikely if miney is tight. Alsk Dad will jot be seen as angel in picture if he is seen to be spurning compromises offered to enable continued visitation.

Actually mom has to prove abuse or neglect. Dad and stepmom are annoying. Both mom and dad will have a custody battle. When my husband's ex did this to him, the judge actually gave him more, not less time. It really depends on the judge. At 12, kids can have a say but parents also have the right to visitation. This sounds like a mom set up situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have offered ex-DH to stop with the child support. His money really doesn't make a difference one way or another. Besides, next year DS will stick with only 2 activities as he's entering MS and will be pretty busy. With ex-DH it is the matter of "pride" that he's "financially helping" out.

Now on the subject of "how do the stepkids and stepmom know where he goes and what he does?" How's he supposed to hide it? "What did you for spring break?" - "Umm, nothing" and show up with a Florida tan. Why is he supposed to lie?

I did recommend he stop it with the gifts other than on birthdays, esp. since the type of gifts he gives them are so different from what he gets. On his 12th birthday he got a set of coloring books! Really? He's a 12-yr boy, not a 5-yr girl.

OP, I am sympathetic to your situation generally speaking, but you are not coming off great here either. You have gone out of your way to denigrate your ex's family's choices regarding whether his second wife works, how they parent the other children, and you went well out of your way to point out the many ways that you are a better parent. That may be true, but don't be so smug about it, even here.

The stepmom and her children go out of their way to make my DS feel uncomfortable and I should just swallow it? Do you know that my DS doesn't want to go to that house anymore? Do you know that I now have to spend time and effort convincing him to have a relationship with his father because he feels he doesn't have his back? Yes, he's sensitive, but also kind-hearted, hard-working and honest. And I've put up with a lot more from that family, I've been pretty accommodating. If I wanted to be "smug", I would've insisted that the CS was much higher than what he's paying now.

They have no right to discuss or be smug about where he's vacationing, what he's studying, reading, or playing. I did not start denigrating her children, she did it with mine. She called him spoiled, she called him "our little rich boy" to his face. All with a smile.

His father doesn't have his back. I'd tell the kid he doesn't have to go anymore until he and his father can sit down and talk and establish that dad does have his back instead of letting his step kids bully his son.

+1

[Anonymous]

DS is not a rich. He needs to tell them. Its is his mom and he is lucky that she can provide them him those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Resurrecting this thread. Things have become far worse. DS insists he doesn't want to go to his father's house, his father is refusing to meet with him anywhere but there. DS asked me to pull the plug. He's 12 years old, he can make up his mind. Ex-DH threatened to call the cops if DS doesn't come to his house and have them physically bring DS there. The lawyers are involved.

Child knows you don't want the visits and is trying to side with you. He is 12, no he cannot make up his own mind. Can he choose to go to school? Can he choose to go to the doctor? No. Step up and be a parent and tell him you expect him to comply with the visits. Cops will not bring child there but he can file in court and make things very difficult and expensive for you.

At 12, children have significant say in court about spending time with parents. If there is documentation of unwelcoming atmosphere for biochild in dad's house, it is unlikely courts will force visitation. Dad will have to spend funds to file to enforce visitation. Thag seems unlikely if miney is tight. Alsk Dad will jot be seen as angel in picture if he is seen to be spurning compromises offered to enable continued visitation.

Actually mom has to prove abuse or neglect. Dad and stepmom are annoying. Both mom and dad will have a custody battle. When my husband's ex did this to him, the judge actually gave him more, not less time. It really depends on the judge. At 12, kids can have a say but parents also have the right to visitation. This sounds like a mom set up situation.

No it doesn't. Dad decides to share his life with a woman who has kids. All fine and dandy. But when those kids decide to be assholes to his son he needs to step in and fix the situation. Instead of insisting that his son HAS to spend time with them, he needs to make sure that his son isn't treated like a red-headed step child in his father's house. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Resurrecting this thread. Things have become far worse. DS insists he doesn't want to go to his father's house, his father is refusing to meet with him anywhere but there. DS asked me to pull the plug. He's 12 years old, he can make up his mind. Ex-DH threatened to call the cops if DS doesn't come to his house and have them physically bring DS there. The lawyers are involved.

Child knows you don't want the visits and is trying to side with you. He is 12, no he cannot make up his own mind. Can he choose to go to school? Can he choose to go to the doctor? No. Step up and be a parent and tell him you expect him to comply with the visits. Cops will not bring child there but he can file in court and make things very difficult and expensive for you.

At 12, children have significant say in court about spending time with parents. If there is documentation of unwelcoming atmosphere for biochild in dad's house, it is unlikely courts will force visitation. Dad will have to spend funds to file to enforce visitation. Thag seems unlikely if miney is tight. Alsk Dad will jot be seen as angel in picture if he is seen to be spurning compromises offered to enable continued visitation.

Actually mom has to prove abuse or neglect. Dad and stepmom are annoying. Both mom and dad will have a custody battle. When my husband's ex did this to him, the judge actually gave him more, not less time. It really depends on the judge. At 12, kids can have a say but parents also have the right to visitation. This sounds like a mom set up situation.

No it doesn't. Dad decides to share his life with a woman who has kids. All fine and dandy. But when those kids decide to be assholes to his son he needs to step in and fix the situation. Instead of insisting that his son HAS to spend time with them, he needs to make sure that his son isn't treated like a red-headed step child in his father's house. Grow up.

Completely disagree. This is the reality of divorce. You can't shield your kids from your ex unless they are horrifically abusive. This situation doesn't meet that standard. And yes, running to court is just going to be an expensive waste of time (because OP will be paying her laywer and her ex's because she'll lose and that's a common tactic judges use to prevent nonsense hearings like this).

OP needs to focus on ways to build a better relationship with her ex for her son. She needs to stop the negativity and she needs to figure out a way to bridge the divide until the kid is old enough to decide (and it's very rarely 12. Try 15.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Resurrecting this thread. Things have become far worse. DS insists he doesn't want to go to his father's house, his father is refusing to meet with him anywhere but there. DS asked me to pull the plug. He's 12 years old, he can make up his mind. Ex-DH threatened to call the cops if DS doesn't come to his house and have them physically bring DS there. The lawyers are involved.

Child knows you don't want the visits and is trying to side with you. He is 12, no he cannot make up his own mind. Can he choose to go to school? Can he choose to go to the doctor? No. Step up and be a parent and tell him you expect him to comply with the visits. Cops will not bring child there but he can file in court and make things very difficult and expensive for you.

At 12, children have significant say in court about spending time with parents. If there is documentation of unwelcoming atmosphere for biochild in dad's house, it is unlikely courts will force visitation. Dad will have to spend funds to file to enforce visitation. Thag seems unlikely if miney is tight. Alsk Dad will jot be seen as angel in picture if he is seen to be spurning compromises offered to enable continued visitation.

Actually mom has to prove abuse or neglect. Dad and stepmom are annoying. Both mom and dad will have a custody battle. When my husband's ex did this to him, the judge actually gave him more, not less time. It really depends on the judge. At 12, kids can have a say but parents also have the right to visitation. This sounds like a mom set up situation.

No it doesn't. Dad decides to share his life with a woman who has kids. All fine and dandy. But when those kids decide to be assholes to his son he needs to step in and fix the situation. Instead of insisting that his son HAS to spend time with them, he needs to make sure that his son isn't treated like a red-headed step child in his father's house. Grow up.

Completely disagree. This is the reality of divorce. You can't shield your kids from your ex unless they are horrifically abusive. This situation doesn't meet that standard. And yes, running to court is just going to be an expensive waste of time (because OP will be paying her laywer and her ex's because she'll lose and that's a common tactic judges use to prevent nonsense hearings like this).

OP needs to focus on ways to build a better relationship with her ex for her son. She needs to stop the negativity and she needs to figure out a way to bridge the divide until the kid is old enough to decide (and it's very rarely 12. Try 15.).

I don't think a child being essentially bullied in his father's house in nonsense. And I find it funny that you think OP should fix the situation that the father and his wife created. Sure, she can MAKE her son go. But that father/son situation is not going to get fixed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Resurrecting this thread. Things have become far worse. DS insists he doesn't want to go to his father's house, his father is refusing to meet with him anywhere but there. DS asked me to pull the plug. He's 12 years old, he can make up his mind. Ex-DH threatened to call the cops if DS doesn't come to his house and have them physically bring DS there. The lawyers are involved.

Child knows you don't want the visits and is trying to side with you. He is 12, no he cannot make up his own mind. Can he choose to go to school? Can he choose to go to the doctor? No. Step up and be a parent and tell him you expect him to comply with the visits. Cops will not bring child there but he can file in court and make things very difficult and expensive for you.

At 12, children have significant say in court about spending time with parents. If there is documentation of unwelcoming atmosphere for biochild in dad's house, it is unlikely courts will force visitation. Dad will have to spend funds to file to enforce visitation. Thag seems unlikely if miney is tight. Alsk Dad will jot be seen as angel in picture if he is seen to be spurning compromises offered to enable continued visitation.

Actually mom has to prove abuse or neglect. Dad and stepmom are annoying. Both mom and dad will have a custody battle. When my husband's ex did this to him, the judge actually gave him more, not less time. It really depends on the judge. At 12, kids can have a say but parents also have the right to visitation. This sounds like a mom set up situation.

No it doesn't. Dad decides to share his life with a woman who has kids. All fine and dandy. But when those kids decide to be assholes to his son he needs to step in and fix the situation. Instead of insisting that his son HAS to spend time with them, he needs to make sure that his son isn't treated like a red-headed step child in his father's house. Grow up.

Mom does not want child to visit. She's telling him he does not have to visit. She wants him to have a meltdown so she can justify no visits and is setting him up to do so. Both parents need to grow up.