Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000

[Anonymous]

Op. You will not be out of place. There are plenty of middle income families in private--- there are quite a few grandparents paying tuition bills. Also--not everyone with a high HHI spends lots of money. Ours is higher than yours but I would guess our house is smaller than yours, our clothes are very normal and our cars are nice but not super expensive. We do go on nice vacations though. But at our school there's lots of different cars in pick up lane--many modest. And we're not all skiing the alps and vacationing on an island all the time. Your family will fit in fine. Incidentally I went to a public in a wealthy area and there were as many if not more families with big houses, expensive cars and fancy Vacations as I see now at my kids school.

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with being with a bunch of rich people that brag? That's life, there will always be the haves and have nots, people who have more, who are smarter, who get more things than they deserve and will treat you like the poors. There are rich kids in public schools too. This kind of anxiety over being poor (I mean upper middle class) is crazy. It'll build character

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with being with a bunch of rich people that brag? That's life, there will always be the haves and have nots, people who have more, who are smarter, who get more things than they deserve and will treat you like the poors. There are rich kids in public schools too. This kind of anxiety over being poor (I mean upper middle class) is crazy. It'll build character

Hope you're not in my kids' private!

[Anonymous]

Do not move your kids. Keep them in public. Everyone will be happier. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids do notice these things. At my private school we all knew what everybody's parents did, from the VPs at the local company to the restaurant owner to the FA kid of actor parents. My school had a boarding component and when a Guggenheim grandchild pulled up in a chauffeured car,you better believe everybody noticed. Another kid also pointed out to me that my parents were among the few who weren't divorced (which I hadn't noticed, but it was true).

Did the professions or wealth of the parents affect your social life in a negative way? Or was it just one element in mix of traits people noticed?

our children went to Langley. if we could do it over, would never subject them to that. it distorts your child's perspective when everyone is wealthy. and it gets worse when they segregate themselves into cliques. if you do send them to private school, it will take extra work to keep them grounded.

[Anonymous]

All this focus on hhi is totally off...For privates it is all about wealth. And not just net worth but liquidity. I know several parents at a top 3 who probably have sub $100k hhi but are $2-5 million+ liquid. That's the more typical big 3 lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

I would personally have the grandparents fund something else. I'm assuming you will inherit this money and it's probably better utilized going towards your own retirement, college tuition or real estate than private school, especially since you have great public school options. It's honestly a complete waste of money and your children would probably later prefer to have the money for a downpayment on their first home or to use for grad school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this focus on hhi is totally off...For privates it is all about wealth. And not just net worth but liquidity. I know several parents at a top 3 who probably have sub $100k hhi but are $2-5 million+ liquid. That's the more typical big 3 lifestyle.

Such a good point. That would explain why, at our private, there are families where one parent is a federal employee and the other parent is a SAHM, but yet they have a way nice house and way nicer vacations than we do.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were in private school, the oldest once worried our house looked "shabby." When they switched to public, the same house was suddenly much nicer than most of their friends', and they were also much better traveled than most of their classmates. Of course I absolutely tell them about their privilege, and I hope I've made an impression. But the idea that "the kids don't notice" is very naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are considering private school for our two DD starting in 6th grade, but worry that she'll feel out of place because our HHI is $250,000.

(The grandparents -- who lived modestly but are now doing well thanks to their investments -- would fund the tuition.)

DH and I are both attorneys from top public universities, and I work part-time.

At my workplace, I know quite a few people who send their kids to private school. They seem to have quite a bit more money than we do.

For us, because we're happy with our public schools in Bethesda, it is not essential to move to private, but we think it would be a great opportunity for our daughters.

Our cards are Hondas (2007 and 2003), and our vacations are pretty average. Our daughter loves to host school friends at our house for playdates and sleepovers, but that's because most of our neighbors have small Cape Cods like we do. I'm worried that, if her peers had substantially nicer houses, she might feel reluctant to invite them over. And the house does not have a lot of room for entertaining anyway. I worry that my DDs might not make a lot of friends if they are not willing to reciprocate with playdates/sleepovers, etc.

I welcome the thoughts of anyone who is in this situation, or whose child may have a friend in this situation. Thank you.

We have parents like you at our private school. They are making their kids CRAZY and turning them into real insecure lunatics. Until you can get some perspective, I suggest you stay in your public school in Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Get over it, you are dreaming a problem where none exists.

[Anonymous]

This is how life is. There will always be people who are richer or poorer than you. Your kids will just see the reality of life. Just teach them to live within their means and to help others in need.

[Anonymous]

Goodness gracious me. I'm so glad we live in Baltimore where people are much more relaxed about private schools.

OP I definitely know where you're coming from. It's too bad you're not in Baltimore for you'd fit right in at our schools. I gather D.C. Is a different beast altogether. Tour a few schools. And do look at a range. You might like some of the more low key schools like Sandy Springs. Then go with your instincts.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to add an observation and advice from a different perspective. I have been an upper school teacher in a DC area private school for over 25 years. All adolescents go through a period of extreme egocentrism. They feel the entire world is focused on them, and judging them, for everything. They think every person they encounter notices and is disgusted by a pimple, or an item of clothing, for example. This is simply part of normal development. It is the parents' (primarily, although I do believe it takes a village...) job to make sure they make it through this period knowing that they are not the centers of the universe, learning not to judge others, and, hopefully, not being materialistic. It seems to me that most of the comments on this thread are from parents who are non-judgmental, secure adults. Those who are obsessed with income and materialism might want to reconsider your values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen vacations mentioned several times on this thread. I'm genuinely curious: What constitutes an "average vacation?" How would you describe a fancy/luxurious vacation?

At my kids' school, they have winter and spring breaks that are at least 2 weeks long to allow families to travel to Europe and other faraway places. A few families have yachts so they "need" the extra sailing time. Others have vacation homes or rentals in places like Jackson Hole, WY so they can spend the break skiing. I could go on and on but going to Florida or Disney World is pedestrian for these families.

So MOST families at your child's school take winter or spring break vacations to Europe? Is this an international school or a regular private school? Are they also flying by private jet?

Yes, a lot do. This is a regular private school. It may be because one of the parents is European and they are going to their home country to visit family on holiday. I don't know about the private jets but would not be surprised if some do. My family does not live like this. I was just giving examples of what I have observed and overheard. Also, my kids are not preoccupied by wealth.