Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000

[Anonymous]

Big difference between kids noticing, and kids valuing. Kids notice big homes, fancy cars, and exotic vacations. Kids caring about that--or rather, placing some sort of moral value on that stuff--comes from the parents' values and perspectives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big difference between kids noticing, and kids valuing. Kids notice big homes, fancy cars, and exotic vacations. Kids caring about that--or rather, placing some sort of moral value on that stuff--comes from the parents' values and perspectives

It's not about moral values. It's about feelings of inferiority. Your kid may not covet a Caribbean Christmas vacation, but they can still feel inferior if, come January, all the other kids are telling each other about their vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Really, PP. I often wonder if some of the parents (father and mother) work. I suspect some live on family trust funds. They are at every school event during the day, are dressed in very casual attire. My kids don't know what other parents do. My son, who is 14, barely knows with his father and I do. The point is I don't think kids care. I know I don't.

You would like to think the kids don't notice. That's different from what they actually experience.

They know more about whose parents are about to split up than what they do for a living.

Again, this is what you think (or want to think) about what kids think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big difference between kids noticing, and kids valuing. Kids notice big homes, fancy cars, and exotic vacations. Kids caring about that--or rather, placing some sort of moral value on that stuff--comes from the parents' values and perspectives

It's not about moral values. It's about feelings of inferiority. Your kid may not covet a Caribbean Christmas vacation, but they can still feel inferior if, come January, all the other kids are telling each other about their vacations.

But why would your kid feel inferior? Your kid would only feel that way if she felt that going to the Caribbean somehow made them better than her.
And, BTW, most kids at our Big-3 either stay in DC or visit family in very ordinary places for the holiday. There are a couple that manage international travel, but they are the exception, not the norm. So, if your kid tells you that everyone went to Hawaii for Christmas, your kid is lying and you fell for it.

[Anonymous]

Y'all kill me with these road trip only vacations. You can afford but choose otherwise. We use travel deals and points/miles to travel internationally and we make less than half of your HHIs. Please stop! You're not poor.

[Anonymous]

What does it mean to take "average" vacations? Like not staying at the Ritz?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big difference between kids noticing, and kids valuing. Kids notice big homes, fancy cars, and exotic vacations. Kids caring about that--or rather, placing some sort of moral value on that stuff--comes from the parents' values and perspectives

It's not about moral values. It's about feelings of inferiority. Your kid may not covet a Caribbean Christmas vacation, but they can still feel inferior if, come January, all the other kids are telling each other about their vacations.

But why would your kid feel inferior? Your kid would only feel that way if she felt that going to the Caribbean somehow made them better than her.
And, BTW, most kids at our Big-3 either stay in DC or visit family in very ordinary places for the holiday. There are a couple that manage international travel, but they are the exception, not the norm. So, if your kid tells you that everyone went to Hawaii for Christmas, your kid is lying and you fell for it.

You underestimate the capacity for some kids to brag, and for others to feel sensitive, probably because you don't want to see the obvious truth. Also, it only takes a few kids talking about the fab vacation, it doesn't need to be the whole class. And my kid isn't lying and I'm not gullible--you're just a clueless jerk. Tata!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the kids are happy in public, have the grandparents put the money away for college or for a downpayment on a house for each kid. If they need to be in private/unhappy, then consider it. I'd rather have college and graduate school fully paid for before I'd consider private in less your child has SN.

+ 1

House down payment is a *really* good idea since the kids are already in a Bethesda public school

[Anonymous]

It looks like some of you were never kids. Or you have your blinkers pulled so far over your eyes that you can't see.

[Anonymous]

This post is so interesting to me. Our HHI is $190,000. We have one of our two children in a DC charter. We recently reached out to grandpa to see if he can help fund both kids in a $12000 a year parochial. We take nice vacations that we shouldn't take given our debt. DD is keenly aware of who has what and whose house is big, but is clueless that the trips we take are expensive. It has nothing to do with my and my husband's outlook. For example, after attending a classmate's birthday party at an outdoor rink, my daughter commented that the kid must be rich. I said really, why do you say that? She said well, she had this nice birthday party at the rink, her parents send her to this really nice school. . ." I said sweetie, your school is FREE.

op relax and keep things in perspective.

[Anonymous]

Honestly Op-- you lost me at we're fine with our Bethesda public schools. If you are, I'd ask my parents to put the tuition money in a 529 or educational IRA each year. Builds up a nice nest egg for the kids down the road, when they might want private high school, or a more expensive college than you budgeted for, or need an extra year to graduate, or want to go to medical school, or can use it as a downpayment, etc. You don't know where your kids or parents will be in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years. Unless you are in a trust type situation where you can continue to count on them to pay through high school, and potentially help your kids with college, grad school, launching, etc, why not save the big bucks for when they are needed?

[Anonymous]

DH and I both went to public schools (in different parts of the country). I felt kind of "rich" in my public school because, I now realize, we lived a lower middle class area even though my family was firmly middle class. I had a good experience in high school.

My DH felt kind of "poor" in his public high school because they were lower middle class in a high income school district. He is a relatively confident guy, but that high school experience seems to have been an unpleasant memory for his younger sister (who was conscious of not being able to afford the Guess and Benetton clothes that were in style at the time.) I've heard her mention it a few times over the years, and so it seems to have made an impression on her.

In a nutshell, I think it's ideal to go a school where you are at least in the middle of the pack in terms of income, ideally someone higher than average. Like it or not, kids don't love being on the poor end of things at a school.

[Anonymous]

OMG - and y'all think we're crazy over on the homeschool forum...

[Anonymous]

Massive eyeroll to you, OP.

You'll fit right in, in the bottom half, but certainly not at the bottom of the barrel!

[Anonymous]

Check out the parent scene. If you can find peeps, so can your kid. If you live geographically close to the school, you can host random stuff (informal dinners, afternoon playdates, etc) even if your house is modest. It speaks volumes about your values and will be great for your child's social life. More valuable would be to host something for a school program once a year, and then twice or three times a year, volunteer at the school.

. If this level of engagement doesnt work for you, then i would not oursue the private school. Its not about your income, it is about engagement.