Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000

[Anonymous]

I know I'm weighing in quite late on this...but,

I was making $300k a year just a few years ago when my son was in private school in NoVa (one of the top PreK-8 schools) and I could not keep up with the Joneses. While I had a VERY healthy income and am not complaining one bit, it had to be nothing compared to the lawyers, dentists, entrepreneurs, and old-money families who had kids at the school. We never overtly talked about money, of course. You figure it out by observing -- we were scrimping and saving for a beach week and summer camps for two kids and private school tuitions for both. They seemingly had no trouble sending two, three, four, or even five kids in one case to private school and taking ski vacations and European jaunts and going away every winter to someplace sunny and having a nanny all year round even when the kids were in elementary school and middle school and on and on. Money was clearly not an issue for a lot of these families.

That said, my son had friends across the social spectrum -- families who were there on financial aid as a result of the young scholars program, families who never went anywhere so they could send the kids to the school, and families who probably could have sent three kids to the school without breaking a sweat.I don't think it mattered that much to him. I definitely noticed, though again, I'm not sure it mattered much.

[Anonymous]

UGHHHHHHH so sad. GOOD LUCK TO YOU, I HOPE YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY.

[Anonymous]

If you read any of Thomas Stanley's books (The Millionaire Next Door or Stop Acting Rich and Start Living Like a Real Millionaire) on real millionaires vs.those who display all the signs of wealth but who are not really wealthy (hyper-consumers through their leased luxury cars and maxed out mortgages in best neighborhoods, for example) you might get a better perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I'm weighing in quite late on this...but,

I was making $300k a year just a few years ago when my son was in private school in NoVa (one of the top PreK-8 schools) and I could not keep up with the Joneses. While I had a VERY healthy income and am not complaining one bit, it had to be nothing compared to the lawyers, dentists, entrepreneurs, and old-money families who had kids at the school. We never overtly talked about money, of course. You figure it out by observing -- we were scrimping and saving for a beach week and summer camps for two kids and private school tuitions for both. They seemingly had no trouble sending two, three, four, or even five kids in one case to private school and taking ski vacations and European jaunts and going away every winter to someplace sunny and having a nanny all year round even when the kids were in elementary school and middle school and on and on. Money was clearly not an issue for a lot of these families.

That said, my son had friends across the social spectrum -- families who were there on financial aid as a result of the young scholars program, families who never went anywhere so they could send the kids to the school, and families who probably could have sent three kids to the school without breaking a sweat.I don't think it mattered that much to him. I definitely noticed, though again, I'm not sure it mattered much.

How is it that broke working class college students can go to the beach for a week but you're struggling on 300K to do the same? On 300K, you should be able to easily take vacations.

OP, our HHI is around 100K in private and we don't feel out of place at all. DD's friends go to France for 2-3 weeks. We opt for cheap flights to the Caribbean. I don't get the impression that anyone gives a damn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I'm weighing in quite late on this...but,

I was making $300k a year just a few years ago when my son was in private school in NoVa (one of the top PreK-8 schools) and I could not keep up with the Joneses. While I had a VERY healthy income and am not complaining one bit, it had to be nothing compared to the lawyers, dentists, entrepreneurs, and old-money families who had kids at the school. We never overtly talked about money, of course. You figure it out by observing -- we were scrimping and saving for a beach week and summer camps for two kids and private school tuitions for both. They seemingly had no trouble sending two, three, four, or even five kids in one case to private school and taking ski vacations and European jaunts and going away every winter to someplace sunny and having a nanny all year round even when the kids were in elementary school and middle school and on and on. Money was clearly not an issue for a lot of these families.

That said, my son had friends across the social spectrum -- families who were there on financial aid as a result of the young scholars program, families who never went anywhere so they could send the kids to the school, and families who probably could have sent three kids to the school without breaking a sweat.I don't think it mattered that much to him. I definitely noticed, though again, I'm not sure it mattered much.

This! This was so my experience. I don't understand all these posters who think kids can't figure it out. Teens can actually be quite perceptive about things adults would rather keep hush hush. They're just younger than you, not stupid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I'm weighing in quite late on this...but,

I was making $300k a year just a few years ago when my son was in private school in NoVa (one of the top PreK-8 schools) and I could not keep up with the Joneses. While I had a VERY healthy income and am not complaining one bit, it had to be nothing compared to the lawyers, dentists, entrepreneurs, and old-money families who had kids at the school. We never overtly talked about money, of course. You figure it out by observing -- we were scrimping and saving for a beach week and summer camps for two kids and private school tuitions for both. They seemingly had no trouble sending two, three, four, or even five kids in one case to private school and taking ski vacations and European jaunts and going away every winter to someplace sunny and having a nanny all year round even when the kids were in elementary school and middle school and on and on. Money was clearly not an issue for a lot of these families.

That said, my son had friends across the social spectrum -- families who were there on financial aid as a result of the young scholars program, families who never went anywhere so they could send the kids to the school, and families who probably could have sent three kids to the school without breaking a sweat.I don't think it mattered that much to him. I definitely noticed, though again, I'm not sure it mattered much.

How is it that broke working class college students can go to the beach for a week but you're struggling on 300K to do the same? On 300K, you should be able to easily take vacations.

OP, our HHI is around 100K in private and we don't feel out of place at all. DD's friends go to France for 2-3 weeks. We opt for cheap flights to the Caribbean. I don't get the impression that anyone gives a damn.

Umm not if they're spending ~ $80k on private school tuition and related fees every year plus other expenses like their own SLs and mortgage?

[Anonymous]

People are stupid 300k is like 200k take home and you have to pay for school and mortgages with after taxed money. Hopefully Trump will allow everyone to deduct more taxes are quite ridiculous nowadays

[Anonymous]

Taking on a massive mortgage AND 80k for private is counterproductive if it leaves you struggling in the end. Buying into a good, but expensive school zone makes sense if you're actually going to go public. My point is that nobody should be struggling to spend a week at the beach on that income.

Thank you to the genius PP for pointing out that even those earning 300k pay taxes. I didn't know that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen vacations mentioned several times on this thread. I'm genuinely curious: What constitutes an "average vacation?" How would you describe a fancy/luxurious vacation?

At my kids' school, they have winter and spring breaks that are at least 2 weeks long to allow families to travel to Europe and other faraway places. A few families have yachts so they "need" the extra sailing time. Others have vacation homes or rentals in places like Jackson Hole, WY so they can spend the break skiing. I could go on and on but going to Florida or Disney World is pedestrian for these families.

So weird and tacky. We have family in Europe. We go there. We go to Disney too and I won't stay anywhere except a deluxe resort. We make a bit under 250k. We have massive credit card debt, student loan debt. We lease cars. (Not fancy ones, but ones that are fun to drive.) We are way underfunded for retirement. We haven't saved a dime for college. But you know what? Life is random, cruel and short. And we enjoy it. So do our kids.

I went to school with a lot of rich kids. Like the Cosby's. It's no bed of roses. Who the hell would even want that kind of massive disconnect from reality for their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen vacations mentioned several times on this thread. I'm genuinely curious: What constitutes an "average vacation?" How would you describe a fancy/luxurious vacation?

At my kids' school, they have winter and spring breaks that are at least 2 weeks long to allow families to travel to Europe and other faraway places. A few families have yachts so they "need" the extra sailing time. Others have vacation homes or rentals in places like Jackson Hole, WY so they can spend the break skiing. I could go on and on but going to Florida or Disney World is pedestrian for these families.

So weird and tacky. We have family in Europe. We go there. We go to Disney too and I won't stay anywhere except a deluxe resort. We make a bit under 250k. We have massive credit card debt, student loan debt. We lease cars. (Not fancy ones, but ones that are fun to drive.) We are way underfunded for retirement. We haven't saved a dime for college. But you know what? Life is random, cruel and short. And we enjoy it. So do our kids.

I went to school with a lot of rich kids. Like the Cosby's. It's no bed of roses. Who the hell would even want that kind of massive disconnect from reality for their children?

Wow. My husband and I have a very different life philosophy than you do. I mean, to see it written down like that. It's just kind of jarring how differently people can approach the same basic situation. I've always wondered how my BIL could afford the life he leads, now I know - debt, debt, debt, and very little (if any) savings. His retirement plan is "wait for my wife's rich parents to die." What's yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking on a massive mortgage AND 80k for private is counterproductive if it leaves you struggling in the end. Buying into a good, but expensive school zone makes sense if you're actually going to go public. My point is that nobody should be struggling to spend a week at the beach on that income.

Thank you to the genius PP for pointing out that even those earning 300k pay taxes. I didn't know that!

Anonymous wrote:Taking on a massive mortgage AND 80k for private is counterproductive if it leaves you struggling in the end. Buying into a good, but expensive school zone makes sense if you're actually going to go public. My point is that nobody should be struggling to spend a week at the beach on that income.

Thank you to the genius PP for pointing out that even those earning 300k pay taxes. I didn't know that!

Your overall point about struggling to pay for private education may be sage. However, I'm not sure the beach vacation is the best test of struggling to find the funds, because in the order of expenses (needs --> wants) a vacation is low on the totem pole. For most people, the priority of things to pay for are going in an order something like this:

1. House and basic food
2. Health care
3. Student loans (and other debt if it's there)
4. Car(s)
5. Retirement savings
6. Clothes and useful stuff
7. Emergency fund

.....
10. Oh, look extra money -- let's go to the beach.

If I can get to item 6 or so without looking too closely, I figure I've just hit the truly discretionary area of my budget. At that point, I have the choice to invest more, buy more, give more, go on bigger vacations, or pay for school tuition. It's not everyone's choice, but for some families it's worth nuking most of the remaining liquidity to find tuition money. That means there's not much vacation money. That makes you different from a very rich family who can put 20 items on this list and still find cash. But it doesn't mean you can't afford education. It just means you are willing to economize on items #1-7 a bit and not have too many competing uses for discretionary funds.

By contrast, if someone is failing to save for retirement or not meeting debt obligations, and they're also paying for large vacations or large school tuition, then there's a clear problem.