Husband asked for a divorce last night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all have offered great advice.

Neither of us cheated. I have a major health illness that has caused a lot of stress on the family. I have chosen not to tell my parents, and husband disagrees with this decision. He is a kind, good man. I consider myself to also be a decent person. He realizes that we might be better off apart than together. He thinks he can actually help me handle the health issues when we are separated.

It is too complicated to communicate here, and I still haven't been able to sleep. I appreciate what everyone has contributed, and I am sure that therapy is in order. Hard to do that on a Saturday, but I am trying to get that lined up.

[b]

You are in denial. A good kind man wouldn't drop a divorce bombbefore Xmas and leave his ill wife. He is cheating and you are oblivious. He will be of no help once you are divorced. Get a clue and quick!!

Doubtful. She isn't your typical kind of ill if she isn't telling her parents and not telling her parents is putting the brunt of dealing with this mental health or addiction issue solely on him. He sounds like a guy staring down 2017 thinking "I can't do this anymore." OP has not been back to confirm so I am sure it is something like this. This isn't a spouse trying to screw over the other one with a bomb. It's a spouse giving a wake up call.

[Anonymous]

Agree; must be alcohol/drug addiction and DH is crying for help --saying "take me seriously!"

But OP, you must tell your DH that leaving you is cruel to the kids. He leaves you because "he can't take it anymore" --so he leaves the kids with you? He needs to be wherever the kids are, since you have the health issue.

And OP, time to tell your family. You are hiding it; your DH was helping you hide it, and he doesn't want to play that game anymore because he realizes he's just enabling you.

No one has cheated. You can fix this, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree; must be alcohol/drug addiction and DH is crying for help --saying "take me seriously!"

But OP, you must tell your DH that leaving you is cruel to the kids. He leaves you because "he can't take it anymore" --so he leaves the kids with you? He needs to be wherever the kids are, since you have the health issue.

And OP, time to tell your family. You are hiding it; your DH was helping you hide it, and he doesn't want to play that game anymore because he realizes he's just enabling you.

No one has cheated. You can fix this, OP.

What I didn't get the sense the OP's husband was taking off for parts unknown, only divorcing from OP, presumably with joint custody. That's a pretty low blow if OP tries to to say he isn't doing right by the kids if she hasn't done her part in getting both the help she needs for her illness and a support system that goes beyond her husband and includes other family members like her parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like a boss! Just make sure you have outside support. Your finances are ok. Don't make it seem like it affects you. Carry on like it's nothing.

I understand this, but it all feels false. I worry the kids will have a wonderful holiday, and then boom, their world gets turned upside down. I haven't even thought about me yet. My finances are in order, and I have a separate account and all important documents photocopied in a safe place.

Damn

Their world does not have to turn upside down. Hell, my dad walked out on on Thanksgiving Day. Do I remember this? Nope. Do I remember all of the weekends he never showed up to take us for visitation? Nope. Why? Because my mother was awesome and wouldn't let us dwell on it. She would take us to McDonald's as a special treat on those Friday nights when he was a no-show. We were struggling financially so that was a huge treat. After a few weekends of this, she stopped telling us he was coming at all. I grew up with everything I needed from her. So however it goes down, your children don't have to be ruined by it. My mom never bad mouthed my dad in front of us. I know she grinned and bearded it until we came to our own conclusions that he was kind of a loser. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I guess you should see a lawyer, first; here we tell them to leave.