Husband asked for a divorce last night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the 180!!

What is that?

Ok OP I'm the one who said to do the 180...that was before I read about the health problem.

Tell your parents. Get help. Get out of whatever denial you are in. You will end up hurting your children if you don't get help.

He's trying to give you a wakeup call. Listen to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, he dropped a bombshell on you a week before Christmas. I would assume the worst moving forward and be pleasantly surprised if things work out better than that. I would definitely hire a lawyer. Now. But you certainly don't need to tell him right now. Plan. I am a pessimist by nature. But a father and dad who drops that bomb shell right before Christmas isn't thinking clearly and can't be trusted.

I think this is a poor read of what's going on. Op isn't telling us what this health issue is but it is clearly hugely affecting her family and she won't address it and her husband is at the end of his rope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids in the house/parents rotate is common in my part of MoCo.

Here's how it plays out:

Cheater stays with BF/GF

Other parent crashes with the grandparents, friends or neighbors---some even rent a room from another single/separated/divorced friend

The goal is to keep the kids stable.

If you have to make the kids switch homes, then your husband should rent a place in the neighborhood.

That's not stability for anyone and makes no sense. Dad wants the divorce. If he is cheating, she should get to keep the house and everything in it. He can move in with partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That's not stability for anyone and makes no sense. Dad wants the divorce. If he is cheating, she should get to keep the house and everything in it. He can move in with partner.

Divorce doesn't work like that, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Kids in the house and parents taking turns being the resident parent? Ridiculous! What if there is no family or bf/gf in the area? There needs to be two residences within a reasonable proximity.

[Anonymous]

Wow.

What lousy timing....

OP, were you completely blindsided by this or were there marital issues for awhile?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids in the house/parents rotate is common in my part of MoCo.

Here's how it plays out:

Cheater stays with BF/GF

Other parent crashes with the grandparents, friends or neighbors---some even rent a room from another single/separated/divorced friend

The goal is to keep the kids stable.

If you have to make the kids switch homes, then your husband should rent a place in the neighborhood.

That's not stability for anyone and makes no sense. Dad wants the divorce. If he is cheating, she should get to keep the house and everything in it. He can move in with partner.

And then the poor kids have to sleep at the new girlfriend's house half the week?

SMDH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all have offered great advice.

Neither of us cheated. I have a major health illness that has caused a lot of stress on the family. I have chosen not to tell my parents, and husband disagrees with this decision. He is a kind, good man. I consider myself to also be a decent person. He realizes that we might be better off apart than together. He thinks he can actually help me handle the health issues when we are separated.

It is too complicated to communicate here, and I still haven't been able to sleep. I appreciate what everyone has contributed, and I am sure that therapy is in order. Hard to do that on a Saturday, but I am trying to get that lined up.

Gosh, OP, of course it's hard to say what's going on from the outside, but what you've just written sounds like a cry for help from your husband. He needs someone else in his life to help with your illness. And since you are choosing not to bring in your parents, he feels a need to escape because he can't handle it all. If that's even remotely true, please seek some outside help, somehow.

. Why do folks come on here and make posts into games? This isn't win a prize for guessing the right answer.

[Anonymous]

What, pp?

People post seeking wisdom from DCUM. Sometimes that involves peeling back the onion and getting real.

The details that op has shared point towards addiction/alcoholism/depression...something she's unwilling to share with her parents, and something that has driven her husband to divorce.

Instead of telling the op to treat her divorce like a boss, why not try to shake some sense into her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But no father would leave his children with an alcoholic mother.

100% not true.

[Anonymous]

If OP can't even admit to the problem on an anonymous board then she is far away from improving her actual life and marriage.

[Anonymous]

Your family needs help. Your decision not to involve family in a crisis that has major implications is selfish. Your husband is making this clear. Your parents will certainly be involved in your medical issues once you are divorced. Why not try it now instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all have offered great advice.

Neither of us cheated. I have a major health illness that has caused a lot of stress on the family. I have chosen not to tell my parents, and husband disagrees with this decision. He is a kind, good man. I consider myself to also be a decent person. He realizes that we might be better off apart than together. He thinks he can actually help me handle the health issues when we are separated.

It is too complicated to communicate here, and I still haven't been able to sleep. I appreciate what everyone has contributed, and I am sure that therapy is in order. Hard to do that on a Saturday, but I am trying to get that lined up.

So, OP, you've got to tell us what your illness is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids in the house/parents rotate is common in my part of MoCo.

Here's how it plays out:

Cheater stays with BF/GF

Other parent crashes with the grandparents, friends or neighbors---some even rent a room from another single/separated/divorced friend

The goal is to keep the kids stable.

If you have to make the kids switch homes, then your husband should rent a place in the neighborhood.

[b]

Raising the snowflake generation. Give me a break! Get your own place and split the kids and MOVE ON.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all have offered great advice.

Neither of us cheated. I have a major health illness that has caused a lot of stress on the family. I have chosen not to tell my parents, and husband disagrees with this decision. He is a kind, good man. I consider myself to also be a decent person. He realizes that we might be better off apart than together. He thinks he can actually help me handle the health issues when we are separated.

It is too complicated to communicate here, and I still haven't been able to sleep. I appreciate what everyone has contributed, and I am sure that therapy is in order. Hard to do that on a Saturday, but I am trying to get that lined up.

[b]

You are in denial. A good kind man wouldn't drop a divorce bombbefore Xmas and leave his ill wife. He is cheating and you are oblivious. He will be of no help once you are divorced. Get a clue and quick!!